Mmm. One thing I forgot to mention. Our ex's may not hit bottom. They may be living the life of Riley. Know what? Mine seems to be back when I was paying attention. But I know that I'd rather live that life of integrity and truth than have to spend that energy stuffing down those feelings. The paranoia alone that it might happen to "me" isn't worth and they come back in strange ways if you don't deal with them...
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
The Life of Riley, with William Bendix in the title role, is a popular American radio situation comedy series of the 1940s that was adapted into a 1949 feature film, a long-run 1950s television series (originally with Jackie Gleason as Riley for one truncated season, then with Bendix for six seasons), and a 1958 comic book.
You all are truly wonderful! I am hitting such a low right now - truly a scary low. I take son to college on Thursday. Financially - I am a total bust which is embarrassing. I have this great job and haven't seemed to manage anything very well. I am waking up at night with so much anxiety.
Then I have just realize that I my worst fear is that I don't know I have left right now to give my children as they move into adulthood. I am depleted and I just don't have anything to give anyone.
In my 49 years - I've NEVER felt this way, this low. I've lost faith, hope and I am desperately scared.
I am so sorry to post this - but I am lost and feel alone.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Stress makes managing money very hard. I know that from my experience, I haven't managed my funds as well as I normally would've if not under so much stress.
IB.... when sone is off to college, guess what? It's really your time. I bet it seems so scary. But it is time for you to work on and do what ever it is you want to do or need to do in your time frame.
IB all I ever seem to post to you is that I know how it feels! Except no-one else really does.
The sense of nothing else to give, the double whammy of divorce and empty nest, the sense of personal failure and hopelessness. I still sometimes get these, but now I know they will pass. And as your children get older [I had a very very rocky time with my second and third sons who felt utterly let down in every sense by their walk away father] they will tell you how much they admire and respect you. They come to see that being the responsible parent is hard.
My xh was a real walk away dad. now he is much more interested in being in their lives, but has left it a bit late. They allow him in, but he is definitely second division. Oddly enough I find this hard too.
So yes, I can empathise with what you are feeling, and suggest that you really spend some quality 'me' time, having loked after everyone else. what you invest in yourself pays back dividends. hard to believe before hand that a wonderful haircut and classy new shoes will make such a difference!!
PS there are times when a spot of random fornication and general irresponsiiblity sound like quite a lot of fun!!
Beatrice, I'm LMAO! You're so right!
IB, I have felt the very same way at times.
As far as the financial aspect...Sweetie, you just got done throwing your D an awesome wedding, your S a grad party, plus getting him ready for college. It's no wonder your funds are depleted. Do whatever you need to do to get back on track.
Please stop being so hard on yourself. You are an amazing woman!
Just finished moving my son to college 4 hours away! Last couple of nights have been incredibly tumultuous with XH. He decided son couldn't have his car at school. Came last night in dramatic fashion with new gf and had hostile confrontation with son in front of son's friends. It was a scene out of white trash manual.
Son wakes up this morning in daze. Miserable start to the day. But - we packed up my car and moved him into a great place with a great team and he gets to begin a new chapter in his life. Daughters were texting and emailing their dad trying to reason with him. No luck...
Earlier in the week XH emailed his entire distribution list of co-workers and cc'd his kids - "Having blood work today. Will be out two weeks for surgery on an umbilical hernia that should have been handled a long time ago." Kids were mortified. Best part - coworkers were replying to all saying "where's the work you were supposed to have completed...etc" Kids were seeing it all...
Back in the tunnel he goes - but none of us are following.
MY new chapter begins as well. Long time coming:) Thanks for being here..
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, I'm glad to read that your son has finally gotten packed up and moved to his college. He really did need a change of scenery. I'm sorry about the situation w/the car. Why can't he have his car at school? Your son may opt to get a job later on or want to come home and he would need transportation to and from places? What your xh did was absolutely uncalled for. Yes, you are right about one thing, it was a scene ouf the white trash manual.
I'm not surprised that your daughters couldn't reason w/him. Sounds to me like he wasn't happy that your son was getting some attention and would be moving away. Mlcers are a very selfish breed of people. Just look at the email he sent out...he wants attention and I most certainly wouldn't give it to him. Yes, it's quite funny how his co-workers are questioning him about the work. Let's hope and pray that while the surgery is going on, they can locate the mlc disease and remove it. LOL!
Your new chapter has begun and I wouldn't allow him to have any control over your new life. Your children are grown and safely out of his control and now the only thing he has to control is himself and the ow.
Enjoy your weekend!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
