Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Just Found Out About The OM, What Now?

Well, right now I am prepared to step back and let her have her relationship while I continue to work on myself. If she wants to have an EA or PA there is not a lot that I can do to stop her at this particular moment. I would certainly reevaluate whether I wanted to remain married to her if that happens, particularly after she treated my pornography problem as the ultimate betrayal of her, but I am not sure that would be a deal breaker if she decided that she wanted to get back together.

Sounds awfully cavalier and fatalistic to me, NASCAR. Is that how you want to teach your five kids -- especially your two sons -- to deal with an attack on their family?


Starsky

Cavalier and fatalistic, yep that's me. You could also say I'm passive and a doormat and it would be about right too. But honestly I don't know what else I could do in that situation. Despite what my W thinks right now I am not a confrontational person. Honestly I just don't know what there would be to do.

You aren't being a doormat at all. Your showing her your not beneath her and her crappy behavior. If you feel its best for you to let her go ( go live with the other guy and let him take care of you ), then let her go.

Fight for your family, with everything you've got.

That's what I am trying to do in the only way that I know how. If I make myself a better man than anyone else she is going to find then the chances of her going and looking for someone else get a lot smaller. Considering how much hostility she feels for me right now I don't know what else I can do that will not drive her further away.

Don't do it for her, do it for you. Who says your not a better man already? Just reclaim yourself, enjoy your life and take care of yourself.

You know as well as we do, being assertive, etc is going to push her in the arms of the other guy. While she has her rump right on your face for emotional support. I would let her go live with him and wouldn't talk to her, while I enjoy myself.

I'm not a fan of cheating in marriage, but finding a freindly relationship partner for compansionship will go along way for self preservation.

You can do some of the affair busting tactics, but you need to have enough intel to deliver these measures properly. I think you should do this too, while you 180 and live your own life.

Honestly that is why I am here, because nothing I am doing seems to be working and I am watching her steadily pull further and further away from me. I feel helpless to stop it, but at the same time I want to stop it.

What I really want to do is go find her, push her up against a wall and kiss her until she kisses me back, tell her that I love her and that I am not going to let her leave me, and scoop her up in my arms and carry her off into the sunset. You know, like you see in all those romantic movies she loves to watch. But the very idea of doing that scares the living crap out of me because I am afraid that it will push her so far away that I will never get her back and maybe land me in jail too.

If there's a chance your wife is considering an affair but isn't in one yet--I think you have a short-lived opportunity to GAL, do some 180s, and let her know you want a better marriage.

I would not sit back and let this happen. Think about what your 180s could be and also think about what she'd find appealing in an OM. (Attention, warmth, an escape from the realities of 5 kids, etc.)

By the time I figured out my H was in an affair, he was in deep and addicted. You need to do all you can to make your wife re-think things before she goes much further.

Have you considered talking to a divorce busting coach?

Some days I feel the same way. However, I am going to keep trying. And I'd love for my H to hold me in his arms, but I know that is a bad idea and he is not ready.

And thanks for the advice you gave on the other post. I hadn't considered that H may not get mad at people he doesn't have an emotional connection with, which would explain why he doesn't get mad at his friends who do the same things that I do. I also believe that some of the things he says are out of guilt.