It doesn't happen at mid-life...which is...when exactly? 30-40-50-60? And it seldoms involves a red sports car.
. . . but often does include a hot red-head.
Sorry. Just thought I'd inject a little humor into today's cerebralfricatin'.
Starsky
ahhhh... good. Jack and Starsky made funnies!
Are we all unemployed or retired?? ... or just too much time on our hands. No wonder China and India are catching up with the U.S. on productivity.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm sure we would be more productive and our D rates would be lower if all of our massages included a happy ending.
See, all of this brainstorming, and it boils down to a happy ending.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I sniffed around a little bit and found that to be included in the DSM the following criteria must be met: - symptoms severe enough to cause impairment or distress - sufficiently different from categories of illness already included - demonstration that the new diagnosis will not generate false positives - absence of political sensitivity
Yes, all four criteria MUST be met, IIRC.
And that's where the lack of DSM filing is not so interesting. For one, many recognizable MLC symptoms CLOSELY MATCH other conditions already in the DSM.
The difference being, the conditions the symptoms match are generally chronic, whereas the MLCer did not show the symptoms prior to their believe decent into MLC, or the symptoms were not chronic prior, although varying degrees of mild behaviours may have been present.
So IMHO, that MLC is NOT in the DSM is as I said, not very interesting. Rather, denying it is real BECAUSE it is not in the DSM is quite misleading.
What I DO find interesting is, as jack suggested, the professionals appear split on it. So is it simply rationalized as the professionals are really only seeing it as a monetary gain, whereby they get more hours of billable therapy or more prescription pills sold? I think more pills sold might be more profitable whereby the professionals can both bill for hours AND pills.
The approach MWD appears to take in DB regarding MLC is consistent with other MLC believers that while some efforts are the same, there are differences.
OK I will weigh in here, I definitely believe in MLC.
I have read about 30 books on this and other related subjects. Their is science surrounding most of this but it is definitley not a DSM illness. MLC can mimic other DSM mental illnesses and certainly has covert and overt depression linked to it. If it was a DSM illness then a PILL might help it and that is not my experience.
I do not see those with MLC as having "marriage" problems. Not having a divorceable offense by the LBS to justify a divorceable offense by the WAS/MLC'er.
Perfectly good marriages that have been turned upside down.
MLC'ers have returned to their childhood and are reviewing Erichsons stages of childhood development. So some will become two years old and others will be teenagers. Vastly different behaviors based on the ages that they have returned to.
I do not neccesarily agree that the Conway version of MLC which is taught on this website as the only way that a crisis can play out. It was that way for HeartBlessing and her huisband, but we see many other versions that do not follow the same script.
I agree with Jack that whether you agree with it or not does not really matter. Something is going on to the spouses of the LBS and if you have another way that explains it and can show me the science behind it. Then that is fine.
I am with Starsky that MLC does not give someone permission to walk all over the LBS. That is not what should be being taught here or anywhere else.
I do beleive that WAS or MLC the LBS must get on with living their lives and that strong boundaries are neccessary but not a guarantee that the one in crisis will wake up.
I've heard a lot of things from the kids over the past few months.It is sad.
Keeping being the rock. God willing they will eventually realize the impact on the kids and they can then begin rebuilding with them.
All you can do is listen. Sometimes that is all they want.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
One wacky thing she said! I aked her why she wanted a divorce a while back. She said You took me to this Pizza place too much. IMy mouth must have dropped open when looking at her because she was quick to point out " well there were other reasons" I get a good chuckle some days even know it is sad for many involved.
MLC can make you say WOW! REALLY!
And that is EXACTLY what I advise people to say in those (and some other) situations: Just look at your spouse incredulously, shake your head, pause for effect and say "Wow. Just wow." And walk away.
My wife told her parents that she was leaving me because of two primary marital complaints:
1. "He spends too much time on that damned computer!" Now, this isn't some gaming addiction I have, where I go in a home office on a desktop computer and not spend any time with my wife. On most evenings, we would each sit in our family room at home, on opposite couches about 6 feet away from each other, and I'd do things on my laptop while we often watched a TV show together.
.
Im chiming in a little late to the party on this one, but these two posts struck such a chord with me. My W didnt say this to me, but told my father in law that I didnt remove the clothes from the dryer promptly and would often times have to go turn the dryer back on for a while so that when i took them out to fold they wouldnt be wrinkled.
There was something else im trying to remember it and can't come up with it....anyway, the point is her father looked at her after she shared these things with her and told her thats some pretty petty crap your dragging around right there and certainly is no reason to divorce. She got pretty angry and indignant and told him that he just didnt understand.
I really wish I could have been there for that conversation b/c he said she mentioned a couple of trivial things and then the dryer thing and those were her big complaints. Our first conversation after the seperation was actually kind of light and joking (we haven't had one like it since) and during the joking portion of the convo I told her that I turned the switch on the dryer back to buzz so i'd know when the clothes were finished.....problem solved. I actually think that ticked her off a bit, but I was being serious, the only reason that they sat in there at all is that I would lose track of time and wouldnt know when they finished, so buy turning the annoying buzzer thing back on that lets you know when their done it was fixed.
But its amazing to me....WOW is a great word.....as to what they will say are the "problems" when their in the midst of this fog.
