Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Goin' off the rails on a crazy train...

And I did not tell you all that I found a receipt that shows OW paid the retainer for H's attorney. And now the leopard truly shows his spots.

So H is trying to drag me back to court to change the temporary order so I have no access to his money. The judge has already ruled that we have to keep everything 50/50 and now he is trying to scare me into thinking my lawyer is inept and incapable. H is completely intimidated by my lawyer because my lawyer knows what he is all about. H keeps saying he wants this overwith but he's just dragging things out by doing this. Plus we are supposed to meet in mediation and I am nervous about that too because H will just try to bly and intimidate me.

I am so much stronger than I was months ago. Thank goodness for good friends, good family and this board.

So H is trying to drag me back to court to change the temporary order so I have no access to his money. The judge has already ruled that we have to keep everything 50/50 and now he is trying to scare me into thinking my lawyer is inept and incapable. H is completely intimidated by my lawyer because my lawyer knows what he is all about. H keeps saying he wants this overwith but he's just dragging things out by doing this. Plus we are supposed to meet in mediation and I am nervous about that too because H will just try to bly and intimidate me.

I am so much stronger than I was months ago. Thank goodness for good friends, good family and this board.

Oops posted twice. sorry bout that.

Just when I think I have pulled myself off the roller coaster...I did myself thinking too much again.

I cannot understand why he wants to be friends if he cannot stand being married to me? On one hand he cannot wait to get rid of me but on the other he is always asking for my help wanting directions to the kids games or help doing something around the house (that is, when he is around). And he cannot for the life of him understand why I do not want to be friends. Why would I want to be friends with someone who has lied, stolen and cheated on me? Why can't he see that? I know...why ask why? But this weekend things are getting to me. He is "over the moon" about OW and even told his lawyer AND the mediator that I was just bitter and jealous. I don't want someone who treats me badly and honestly I don't even find him attractive anymore. But I never wanted this and I find myself jealous of those people in what appear to be happy healthy marriages. I know appearances can be deceiving but that's what I want. And I guess I am angry at H for taking that away. But sometimes I wonder if that is what I really had at all? I don't know what the truth is anymore. I need to keepy head out of the crazy.

The other day we had mediation and H was all over the place! Two hours of it and I was so dizzy I could barely see straight. Maybe I am still recovering. H wanted to meet for mediation again tomorrow but I have too much work and I can't leave the office thank goodness. I don't know how much more
I can take. I feel sorry for my friends because they are constantly talking me out of the crazy. I am starting to recognize it but it is still exhausting.

A friend to the mlcer is not the same as a friend would be to us. Friends don't lie, cheat or steal from a friend and they sure as heck do not treat a friend shabbily.

The mlcer wants to be friends on his timetable and when he wants to "use" you. They also want to be able to tell the world that you are friends w/him/her so that they look like good people.

Don't drink the kool-aid. You can be civil to them, but you don't have to be "friends" w/them.

It's just so hard living with them when things are "normal". It's actually easier when he is raging. When he is nice it makes me wonder "now what exactly is the problem here?" and it also makes me wonder what does he want?

He is just so out of whack with reality. How can he keep track of all the lies he tells people? How can he not realize he is hurting so many people? How can he think things will just be okay?

I am very angry with him right now for what he is taking from me and the kids. It will pass but this is the emotion I have right now.

That's a very healthy emotion if you ask me.

Part of the problem is your expectations. You have them and should not. It's hard to break those habits though, especially when they act "nice". And I do mean act. It's more manipulation than anything else.

How can he keep track of the lies? I think the better question is "does he care to?" I think not. He is in it for himself and everyone else "is against him" in his eyes.

It doesn't have to be rational. It's why we think of MLC'rs as "aliens", right? They look like somebody we knew. But they sure as heck don't act like anyone we would be caught admitting to knowing

They will try just about anything to get what they want. Really. Him trying to intimidate you? That's par for the course. Heck, mine offered me sex if I would initiate the divorce at one point. She tried all kinds of manipulative behviors beyond that as well.

Stay calm. The first rule of negotiations is to remove the emotions from the negotiations. Your lawyer will tell you that if you ask. If you get sucked into the drama and emotions, you'll make a decision you may later regret. That's what your lawyer is for.

Stop listening to your H. Listen to your lawyer if he's good. There will be plenty of time later for the emotions. And don't let your H intimidate you. He has a lot to lose and very little he can take. At best, he can get 50/50 with the kids. He'll have to go through the state's fair and equitable distribution and that is usually non-arguable in most states.

Anger at him is one thing. Being angry and wanting it all done can cost you though. So be careful of that.

My $0.04 worth anyway,

AJ

Thanks AJM. My counselor said anger is a healthy emotion that tells you when something is wrong. He said it's okay to be angry but it's not always okay to act on it.

I try not to have expectations. I know it's all manipulation. My C has helped me recognize it.

I dont listen to H. I can't trust him. I listen to my L because he is not only a great lawyer, he is a good man. I trust my lawyer implicitly and that infuriates H. He even told the counselor that things were going well until the lawyer got involved. Lol!

I am not rushing through these negotiations. I have the ball in my court and H hates that. He is doing whatever is in his power to get it back, but it is not working. Others are starting to see through his "Mr. Nice Guy" facade. I am wondering what it will take to make him crack?

He tried to fight for 50/50 but I told him I wanted 65/35 in the school year and we can do more 50/50 in the summer. But I have to see if he holds up his end of the bargain first.

Okay so there are moments when I think am I really the sane one here? Is the whole world going crazy???

I found a birthday card to H from OW's parents signed to H from "mom and dad"! Omg really??? They barely know him and they are referring to themselves as mom and dad?? I have been with H almost 15 years and I still don't call his mom "mom". It is so hard to stay grounded when dysfunction is all around you!!!