Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Thread #2: Developing Self Esteeem

Hmm
Well if you'd like a book look up the writings of Athol kay, he writes books about male empowerment for married men. You may not agree with it 100% but what he writes is meant to get men to stand up and be the type of strong confident man a lot women like.

IMHO his writings compliment DB because they are all about winning your spouse back by working on you first.

Grrrrrrrrr.... I keep forgetting that I need to change the e-mail preferences if I want to get notices when people reply to my thread. Anyway, thanks for all the advice so far. Some of it is more helpful than others, for example I doubt that my brother would let me rebuild a motorcycle or set up a drum set in the middle of his living room. And considering my background I might get a visit from some guys in black suits if I started buying parts for assault rifles. lol

However, I have already done some of the things that people have suggested. In the last couple of weeks I have been to a couple of movies that W told me that we did not have money for (thank goodness MIL is still supportive and funnels me spending money from time to time) and have spent a lot of time playing The Sims 2 a video game that W does not like me playing. I have also started walking, if not everyday then at least more times a week then not.

The hard part is still the negative self talk and a sense of unease and dread that I feel when I don't understand what is going on with W. For example, today she texted me and asked me what the address is for the place I am staying at. When I asked her why she needed it she told me that it was "none of your business." I have spent the whole day stewing over why she would need my mailing address but she would not want to tell me why.

I know intellectually that what ever happens with her is out of my control, but I am still having a hard time processing it emotionally. More importantly I was raised to believe that "no other success can compensate for failure in the home" so the fact that my wife and I are in this situation has left me feeling like a failure because of the circumstances.

All good ideas. But don't isolate yourself too much along the way.

Greenblue - thanks for the reading suggestion. I read a book every couple of days to get my head on right but was out of good ones.

I am not isolating myself too much. I still talk with friends everyday, and I spend a lot of time with my brother and his wife. I will look for some of those books, unfortunately my local library doesn't have them. It has been a long rough week and shows no sign of getting better anytime soon.

Sounds like you're doing some good things. BTW, my library didn't either. Ended up downloading them from Amazon to my pc. Instant gratification.