Wow! Just Googled and found the Dr Phil page relating to the quote you both mentioned. Very inspiring! Hope I don't get nailed for pasting a few nuggets here! Its a little long and in no particular order. Especially:
If you're unwilling or unable to identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors, characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your life.) You've got to face it to replace it.
Because you are accountable, you can declare the relationship "reopened for negotiation" at any time you choose, and for as long as you choose. Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years old can be redefined. Before you reopen the negotiation, you must commit to do so from a position of strength and power, not fear and self-doubt.
Use any pain you have to propel you out of the situation you are in and to get you where you want to be. The same pain that burdens you now could be turned to your advantage. It may be the very motivation you need to change your life.
Decide that you are worth the risk of taking action, and that your dreams are not to be sold out. Know that putting yourself at risk may be scary, but it will be worth it. You must leave behind the comfortable and familiar if you are to move onward and upward.
Filters are made up of fixed beliefs, negative ideas that have become entrenched in your thinking. They are dangerous because if you treat them as fact, you will not seek, receive or process new information, which undermines your plans for change. If you "shake up" your belief system by challenging these views and testing their validity, the freshness of your perspective can be startling.
Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms, and even heart attacks.
Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.
So events of today and some thoughts (and questions)
According to my L It's a marital matter and not a legal one!
My W has definitely been pulling more than her weight today! Bed made, sink emptied, washing done, AND a lovely chicken which she tells me she's making tomorrow. Not bad for someone who detests me!!
Her "friend" (yes the quotes are back) is still adamant that my W is deadly serious and intends leaving. She's NOT impressed by any effort on my part. I think my first impression of "friend" was correct - a snake in the grass!
How the heck do I get my W to see friend for exactly what she is??
After all the people/couples he's seen - he can see nothing that should result is a D. I agree it's about what my W sees and not him.
I also agree with the comment about the friend. I promise the W saw through her before and I have no doubt she will again. The friends profound pessimism really suxs!
No comments about the work my W had done and will be doing? I for one am impressed with this sudden change. it's so surprising that "all" I've been doing is keeping a smile on my face and a positive outlook on all things.
Today was great, tomorrow will be better and the day after superb!
