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How long have you two been married?

We just had our 15th anniversary last week. I have tried to talk to her about the porn issue but she just shuts me down and will not talk to me at all. Like I mentioned before, the therapist believes that the fact that she breaks down emotionally when I try to talk to her about the issues is a good sign and means that she is still questioning her decision. He has recommended that I just pull back from her completely for now and focus on fixing myself and working on my relationship with my kids.

So is there a reason why you keep wanting to talk about the porn issue? Are you still addicted? In what way was it affecting your M?

I keep wanting to talk about it because she keeps bringing it up as a reason she cannot trust me. I am not still addicted and she did not even know about it until I confessed it to her about two weeks before she filed. I have not looked at porn in about five years. For some reason though the trust issue seems to always come back that that. In order for us to be able to put the pieces of our marriage back together she is going to have to trust me, and to do that we are going to have to deal with the issue at some point.

Well I'm not exactly sure why you felt like you had to bring up something that she didn't know you had and had kicked 5 years ago. But since you did, it matches all of her patterns. She blames you for all the bad that the other men in her life did to her.

You have to break that pattern.

At the time it seemed like a good idea. Plus I had discussed the issue with my pastor about a year ago and he had told me I should tell my wife then and I did not. There is a lot of things that I have done over the past couple of months that seemed like a good idea at the time but that I wish I could take back now. And to be honest, I am not exactly sure that she did not know about it. It was just not something that she had brought up to me until I confessed it.

I am not sure how to break the pattern.

Are you initiating these relationship talks or is your wife?

If so, stop and refer back to the 37 rules that you said you have already read and broke numerous times.

Their are no magical words that are going to instantly resolve this. You need to show your wife through consistant actions the changes that you want to make to be a better person.

Take this time to really analyze where you are and the things about yourself that you would like to change.

Have you read DR?

I was the one initiating the talks. The last one was on Sunday before I found this site. Since then I have avoided contact with her as much as possible.

I have not read DR. I have read lots of other books in a similar vein and my therapist has DB prominently displayed on his book shelf. However getting a copy of DR is difficult since my money is non-existent and our joint checking account was stretched thin even before all of this started.

Stop initiating the talks and find a way to get the book.

Will your therapist let you borrow it? How about the library or try a used book store. I think I got mine on amazon used for like $10?