Water, well...I can tell you that you should not do what I did ...which was to rush things. Take things slow. Enjoy the little gifts along the way. DATE your MATE. Think of this as a time to reconnect with him slowly but surely....my H and I rushed things and didn't clear all the rubbish away and it stunk things up....work out your issues ...slowly, carefully along the way as the opportunities present themselves...you'll have a stronger, happier relationship for it....you have the rest of your lives if you take this part slowly....God bless and thanks for stopping by my thread....don't do as I do, cause I am far better at spouting out wisdom than I am at acting wisely in my own behalf. Hugs, Akgal. You get my award for TAKING THE TIME TO HEAL DB'er of the Day
Hi Alaska~ thanks for stopping by and that is my go to go slow! Thanks for keeping me on track. Hang in there and remember your better no matter what!
Hey Kitti! Yep, I'm in northern California~
Feeling better this morning. H called last night and we talked for almost an hour. No R talks, just fun stuff. Talked a little bit about the possibility of me going to Seattle this weekend. He said he has to work and next week/weekend he will be out of town with work and then visiting his mom in TN. So it would be two weekends before I could go up there if not this weekend.
I'm trying to keep my expectations at zero. Going with the flow!!
Hi there Water, I got the heads up that you are in the Sacto area. I am in Davis! Want to get together sometime? Definately we should drive to V-Ville and visit the Kewl One. This is my e-mail: vduax@dcn.davis.ca.us TTYL
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
On Wed H and I talked on phone for about an hour. (you'll remember he is in Seattle and I'm in CA) We made some small talk about me visiting, but alas he has to work all weekend. I ask if one afternoon and evening would put him back too far. He said "wouldn't it be better when you could come up and spend the whole weekend?" I think wow that is great; he is actually thinking that he wants to spend the whole weekend!
I really didn't think that he would ask me up this weekend and really kept my expectations at zero. OK, well part of me still hoped!
Last night about 10:15 H calls. Sounds VERY down. Starts by telling me that he feels like he is stringing me along. That he is unhappy with his life and doesn't know what he wants. He feels that he should just be by himself for the rest of his life.
I think I handled it very well. I told him that I understood and I just want him to be happy. He tells me that MY happiness is what makes HIM happy and that He doesn't think I can be happy with him.
I explained that MY happiness is based on me. He says that he is depressed and he has made poor decisions and thinks he will for the rest of his life. He tells me that he just landed in CA and he doesn’t even know why he is here. He thought he would surprise the kids, but even they have their own life. WHAT! Your in CA??
I told him that I am living my life for me and that my happiness is because of me. If anyone is a part of my life they are an enhancement, something that is different than being by myself, but my happiness does not rely on it. I could date if I chose to, but I don’t right now, for me not anyone else.
He says that he is going to go to a hotel. I say if he wants some company or just to talk, to give me a call. I don’t want him to feel that I have any expectations or that I’m putting any pressure on him. And that I am just being there for him. He says he will let me know.
About an hour later he calls back. He says he always wants to see me. That his is going to check in at the Hotel. Says that he would not be very good company, but if I wanted to come over. I asked for his room and he said he hadn’t checked in yet and would call me back. About 15 min later he calls again asking if he could have some more time. I tell him sure and I understand. He thanks me for being such a good friend. I tell him he will always have my friendship.
Another hour goes by and he calls again. Says that he has been sitting in the parking lot of the hotel being depressed. I can hear him talking to the clerk checking in. He gives me his room number. I ask if he wants me to come over. He says he cannot make any decisions as all the ones he makes are never right. I say he sounds like he needs a hug. He says he needs a bunch of them. I tell him I have a bunch of them. H said well they come with a price though. The price from him is a life of pain and suffering.
OH MY…. I could feel his pain. He was not a happy camper. Didn’t know which way to turn. He said that all the relationships he has with people are not happy, even the kids. Could he be beginning to realize that his happiness comes from within and what an effect his life has had?
It is 1:00am and I went over to his hotel room. We and snuggled all night. He said he loves sleeping like that and it is so comfortable. At one point in the early morning hours as we are sorta awake and sorta asleep, he tells me how soft I am and he likes that. Then he adds, too bad I have hurt him so much in the past. I tell him I know, but I can’t change it but I can affect the future. I also tell him I am working on forgiving for the pain I feel as well. He said no one can ever forgive.
More this morning and about 9:00 I went home. I tried to not be clingy or talk about the future. Just told him to have a good day and he knows my number if he needs anything.
About an hour after I get home he calls again. Asked me out to breakfast and then we had to cash a check that was in both our names. It was nice, just simple conversations.
As we are leaving the bank he gives me several big hugs and tells me to keep in touch. He will be here until tomorrow when he goes back to Seattle.
I am feeling like he has moved to another stage in the crisis. Perhaps into full blow depression? Anyone have any thoughts or words of encouragement? My plan is to let him contact me. Just give him space. I would love to see him again tonight, but…
Has anyone seen anything similar? Should I call him tonight just to let him know I’m thinking about him? Or leave it be?
