Still waiting - but she did say Friday OR Sunday so no big deal there. I'm actually in a very fit state to deal with this in a FAIR manner.
Oh - I might just (will) try to string this out as much as possible - years! Using the medical condition that I got hit with last August. Hey if the woman that pulled out on me who is very guilty (and she knows it) can stretch the case out for over two years - then I can.
Can't believe she's picking and choosing what she "wants"....
Dining table and six chairs Curtains in living room Wooden side cabinet 2 bedside tables Coffee table G5 Apple Computer (belongs to someone else - shame) Double Bed Apple ipad Apple iphone
50% of the house price AFTER the bond has been deducted - actually not that bad - she might get R150,000. Oh and AFTER I pay her she'll transfer her 50% share to me who will take over the home loan. HANG ON - I'M RESPONSIBLE for the loan anyway!!!! Does that mean SHE SHOULD have been paying her 50% of the loan???
50% of my retirement!!!!!!!!
I get to keep my car.
I have to pay R10,000 towards covering HER costs.
Debts from that point becomes the responsibility of each "party". - see below bit about the search party!!!
And she wants to be "nice" and "civil" - yeah right.
AND there was a guy who called wanting W to sign affidavit saying she was unemployed - wouldn't say what for. That's THREE people who have been searching for W in the last week!!!!!!
Yuff! What a day - quite pleasant actually. Took the day off - did stacks of stuff round the house.
And the FIRST thing I actually realised is that I love my W but I don't NEED her. Thats going to be a slap in the face wake up call.
Thats it - I'm off to do the doggies some dinner then I get to eat (my own stuff not theirs).
Starsky - thats a no brainer - yet another wake up call.
Well she DID say that I wasn't the same person (after the accident). This is going to shock the heck out of her - as is my pleasant but firm attitude. And not being helpless - I even got my shirts ironed properly this time :-)
So she's going to get home expecting to see a disaster zone. Ooooops - didn't happen
Ah well. 9 o'clock and no W. so it looks like Sunday. Or is it. Do idea. Not going to lose any sleep. And it's giving me time to relax and prepare myself.
On the other hand my W is stuck with a Ma who for once is taking a stand with her stubborn daughter. What a surprise that is! She may not be saying anything but the W knows that she's not "flavor of the month". Shame. Her problem.
That's it for today. Got to open the store in the morning until noon. Then I've got friends coming round for the rugby. They asked ME if they could come. Great stuff. One I did invite was my BIL with his GF (who my W doesn't like which is why she never comes here). Again - the W's problem.
This is s bizarre. The W is following the last split practically to the letter.
W said she did NOT tell her L to send the follow up letter. Seems as though it was on automatic. Exactly a month later. The grabbing b@5t@rd5. Looking to feather THEIR nest. W didn't give the "hold on" instruction.
We had a fantastic talk earlier. She wanted to know if she had a home to come back to! Thank G I was on the phone so the W couldn't see my tears.
So - great night ahead. Food, booze, rugby and friends (W wanted to know who's coming!). Then a good nights kip (sleep) and ready for come what may tomorrow afternoon. While I'm nonechelauntly making breakfast.
W came back from Ma after she said she wanted to talk. I wanted to do something that I've never really done - listen. W said if thats what I wanted then she would stay with Ma. Thought that was good news.
Turns out it wasn't what I expected.
She did go to think things over - should she or shouldn't she. She's come to the conclusion she shouldn't :-(
This sitch can change with patience and perseverance. She's asked if she can stay after all it's her house and she doesn't want to sleep on someones floor.
She also says she's tried for two jobs and if she gets one she'll move into a flat. She's been looking for well over a year - wrong colour!
My L has been asked to put a holding action in place with her L. Everything thrown at it including the kitchen sink. Hope that'll show her how determined I am.
Dammit - where do I go from here????????????????????????
i just read it 3 times and I can't tell what is going on! you haven't written very clearly what she said.
did you mean she shouldn't try with you? or live there?
did you have expectations when she said on the phone, do i have a house to come back to that she meant she wanted to try again?
but at the same time, you had decided to 'throw the kitchen sink at her"
does she know about that yet?
mac (gentle tone here) it;s not going to change all that easily and simply, you know. this is the second time - now you both really need to make those changes.
i'm sorry you are feeling bad, but you have to regroup now and get yourself grounded - not in anger and indignation, but in calmness and patience.
Hope that'll show her how determined I am.
mac, I'm really confused here. show her how determined you are to do what? save the relationship, lose the relationship?
i know i just woke up and am a bit groggy still, but there are some very opposing stances in you post here.
you are disappointed that she doesn't want to live with you when you throw the kitchen sink at her? who would?
i guess i'm trying to point out to you, that there is a big difference between actions that are rooted in calm detachment which don't use phrases such as those, as opposed to actions coming from defensiveness and an indignant attitude that do and the difference shows through.
you cannot use this strategy of 'i'll show you" if you are really not ready for the consequences. an "i'll show you" stance has rarely gotten anyone the positive result they want in any situation in life.
you have to figure out if it's working for you.
Pride is a hard one to let go of in our ditches and so are our egos. and it takes a lot of time and work to do that. it doesn't mean it makes us weaker - on the contrary it makes us more dignified and graceful when we do it the right way.
i'm not saying that you did the right or wrong thing with the instructions to your L. I'm saying that you may want to really inspect the Attitude with which you are doing it - you are not detached, and so your emotions are really influencing your decisions here.
i know you are in a difficult position because she is rushing this thing with the lawyers and you don't really have time to detach but if you choose to react by being aggressive IN YOUR MIND, then there will be consequences that you may not like. otoh if you do those same things very calmly and from as grounded a place as you can to protect yourself, then i think you will have done the best you could under the circumstances
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
W texted me at noon - "morning. Will be by you at 2. Are we gong to have a chat? Let me know. Thank you"
My reply "it's fine. Hug Ma from me. Not sure about the chat though. I'd rather to what you want to say to me. Something I should have been doing. Drive safe"
W "we need to discuss this together. So if you don't want to talk then what I'd the use that I come through. Then I would rather just leave it. I need to know where I'm going from here"
My replay "come through back home. Because we both need to know. A talk is exactly what we need to do. And I know exactly where I'd like you to go and you do too" - meaning home!
W arrived at two. Hugged but not warmly. Had a chat about last nights rugby - all pleasant. Then W stared talking about how she'd made her mind up and the asset split. I told her that would have to be handled by our respective L's. so now she knows.
She says she's still trying to find a job and then move out. She asked if she can stay here. And that she didn't want to be sleeping on a friends couch.
I've email my L to get him to send a letter to the W's L. Asking him to slow things down as much as he can.
Time is the thing that will allow the W to come back to earth.
In no way am I being aggressive or annoyed with her. I'm just being firm, understanding and companionate. The very things that are missing in her life at the moment.
The good news is that she IS coming back home tonight. So I hope she doesn't "hate" (too strong a word) me. It's the situation she's in that [censored].
I've been reading through some Facebook private messages from the last time this happened (3 years ago) and there are so many similarities it's frightening.
One thing keeps popping up - "she needs you more than you think"
She also stated texting me after I went dark on her.
She actually didn't know if she had a home to come back to. If I'd want her. Mind reading - she wanted to try again. The kitchen sink is aimed at her L's. Determined to save this M.
And the "I'm fine" business - she's not. She wasn't until she came home last time.
