Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Marriage = busted. Help me bust my divorce too!!

Received this email today (excerpt below):

"Our marriage is over. Period.

When you accept that fact, we can go to counseling with the same goal of moving on in a spirit of peace and mutual support and appreciation for the good things we've shared.

You are currently saying that your goal is to stay married which is not a possibility." And it goes on...

I haven't responded. I see it as a power play (although in reality it's running away) and also a strong effort to repel me. If he puts his foot down and puts conditions on, maybe he can force me into accepting his way.

My impulse is to respond by simply saying that I am committed to working on myself to bring about good changes and that the door is always open for us to work on the marriage together should he change his mind. I have all the faith in the world that it is possible to rebuild the trust and connection that we lost.

Thoughts on that?

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and could not get back to sleep. I changed my mind about what I should say. I decided to make my response as kind and gentle as possible (a big 180 for me).

I told him that I felt horribly for him that his mother abandoned him and that he didn't deserve it. I said that it didn't justify my behavior and I was saying it out of genuine caring and compassion. I told him I would be there for him during his healing process and always. I told him I never would have abandoned him by walking away from our marriage.

He may not accept this now, or ever, but I've put it out there for him to chew on. I'm thinking that he'll be indignant and angry when he first reads it and may soften up after a few months. Or not. He may be insulted. It doesn't matter now. I've put it all out there and given him every chance to work on the marriage. He knows the door is open.

Now it's time for me to work on detaching... REALLY detaching... much harder than it seems!!!

I also said that part of my definition of love was that you don't give up on someone just because they've given up on you.