Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers close to the edge... Pt 2

Have you looked into DivorceCare in your area? These are usually run by religious organizations. You will find tremendous support there and you will learn a lot about how best to deal with the situation you are in. There is no charge for this other than an initial $15-20 fee for the workbook they provide. I believe the program is about 13 weeks in length and you can start mid-stream and circle back around when the next series starts, usually after a few weeks break.



Have you ever been to an aquarium? Ever stood before those thick glassed walls with the fish staring back at you? Ever thought that you could scream at the fish and they'd actually hear you or even care that you are screaming at them? If the fish were catholic, do you think a priest screaming at them would cause them to hear?

This is your W right now. As far as she is concerned, you have 2 heads and a priest has 3. She will not hear, she will not listen...until she is ready, if ever.

That is the way it is....right now. It may be different later but this is you and your W's reality. Accept it and try to figure out how you are going to survive. Because if you don't, this thing will eat you alive. Think of Jonah and the whale, except you ain't getting out unless you figure this out, and quick!



There is nothing wrong with this. But as the old proverb says, you can feed a man a fish and he eats for a day. But if you teach a man to fish he will never go hungry. Prayer and meditation are only going to get you so far and will likely end in failure and frustration if that is all you are going to do. Don't you think you ought to get about the job of fishing for new solutions and ways to cope?



Have you read the DR or DB book? If you have then you will know that you must give it time. If you think from mid-May to mid-July is a long time, then you ain't seen nothing yet! Take a look at some of the time lines on some of the other threads. Some have lasted years. LaBug suggested you take a look at LITB's thread. You might also want to look at Denver_2010's thread. His sitch lasted nearly 2 years and he is only now moving to piecing.

Stop and take a breath. Consider the advice you are receiving and try something different.

Wishing you all the best!

You say that nothing has changed by following the advice.

Do you have ideas on things you would like to do differently?

There is no magic.

No step by step to reunite.

If you could do this, then that, then another and she would come running back... I'm in. I'll buy that snake oil.

Just love her the only way you can right now.

From a distance. With no expectations.

Be a friend. That's all.

There is only one person that you can change and that is YOU.

There is nothing wrong with praying for your wife and your marriage but I can tell you that the tighter you squeeze on a bar of soap the harder it is to hold on to it.

Your wife is that soap.
Let it go and let it dry out.

Much later it will be easier to hold on to but not right now.

You are getting great advice, if you want to have any chance at all of reuniting, let go and turn to your faith that you will be provided for.

Keep reading here and maybe it will start to sink in.

So what's the latest? Have you read everyone's posts to you?

Labug and MrBond, what great input.


"I absolutely will NOT "accept" the fact that she doesn't want to be married”


I am no veteran however it only seems logical that for now you must accept the fact that she doesn’t want to be married.

That’s only if you ever want a chance towards reconciliation.

wow, spot on advice 2thepoint. Not to hijack, but im getting wound up and mine has only been 5 weeks. Im doing it right and doing it for me and nothings happening, but what great advice to hear that you might wanna look around and see how long some others have spent putting things in order.

Fightfire: A couple of months is a drop in the bucket really. Especially if everything you say you believe about marriage is true. While it may be hard for us to understand....in the grand scheme of marriage for life, how is 6 months...a year...even two years that big of a deal? I dont go around trying to dispense specific advice to someone on message boards....but from one to another i'd say the first thing your gonna have to work on is giving up control. This isnt yours to dictate what happens and maybe im typing that for me as much for you, but until you figure out your not running this deal its gonna be a much tougher trip for you.

I will tell you from my own perspective the two most difficult things to do are to accept you only control you, and secondly to do nothing. In relation to your spouse, right now...do nothing, only work on you. If you can get a handle on those two you'll be well on your way. Good luck