Some women have serious changes after giving birth. My question is your definition of it being a charade? Postpartum depression is a serious issue and so is vaginal pain. Were u that insensitive?
No. Absolutely not. When I used the word charade I meant her purposely "faking it" during sex and her decision to hide the pain from me for a year. It was a long time to keep up and hide the truth from me and I was very hurt.
Some women have serious changes after giving birth. My question is your definition of it being a charade? Postpartum depression is a serious issue and so is vaginal pain. Were u that insensitive?
No. Absolutely not. When I used the word charade I meant her purposely "faking it" during sex and her decision to hide the pain from me for a year. It was a long time to keep up and hide the truth from me and I was very hurt.
So, do you think this was easy for her ?
Do you believe that she didn't hurt from this too ???
So the night before last she comes downstairs about an hour or so wanting to talk. She wanted to discuss divorce issues etc. my only response was more or less that I wanted more time to think things over etc.
A few weeks ago I had suggested to her that we back up a bit and give it 3-6 months just to see if our marriage is salvageable.
Well, she has now agreed to give it 3 months and reasses things from there. I am actually shocked by this. But she did agree to do things together with just us and our son.
I really don't know what to do next. I am not sure if she is truly on board with giving it a try and see what happens.
I am very much considering setting up some sessions with a DB coach. She has basically put the ball back in my court and now is not the time for me to be unsure and fumble.
Some women have serious changes after giving birth. My question is your definition of it being a charade? Postpartum depression is a serious issue and so is vaginal pain. Were u that insensitive?
No. Absolutely not. When I used the word charade I meant her purposely "faking it" during sex and her decision to hide the pain from me for a year. It was a long time to keep up and hide the truth from me and I was very hurt.
So, do you think this was easy for her ?
Do you believe that she didn't hurt from this too ???
Of course I don't believe it was easy for her at any point. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. But to hide that from me and not share it with me was the worst way she could have handled it.
Once she did tell me the truth, we talked quite a bit over how we would handle it and what we would do as a couple moving forward. I assured her that I loved her very much and a sexual set back of this nature would not cause me to leave her.
Of course I don't believe it was easy for her at any point. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. But to hide that from me and not share it with me was the worst way she could have handled it.
Once she did tell me the truth, we talked quite a bit over how we would handle it and what we would do as a couple moving forward. I assured her that I loved her very much and a sexual set back of this nature would not cause me to leave her.
Yet, you haven't moved past holding it against her... ????
Of course I don't believe it was easy for her at any point. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. But to hide that from me and not share it with me was the worst way she could have handled it.
Once she did tell me the truth, we talked quite a bit over how we would handle it and what we would do as a couple moving forward. I assured her that I loved her very much and a sexual set back of this nature would not cause me to leave her.
Yet, you haven't moved past holding it against her... ????
Have you forgiven her for that ???
Yes. Long ago. I have told her I support her fully through this.
Joey, Is she on any kind of hormones? Be it for BC or other? After the birth of our son I got a synthetic hormone releasing IUD. Come to find out, 6 years later and on the verge of divorce due to my lack of libido (also somewhat painful intercourse), my BC has played a major role in both of the above areas and depression and a variety of other things that are so diverse it's nuts. This type of BC does not cause issues in everyone, in fact the majority of people do just fine but it could be an avenue to investigate. I wish you well and hope you both can find answers. Please understand that I am not trying to come to your wife's defense but there could be more underneath the surface. I had a hard to time going to Drs because every time I tried to get answers I was told everything looked normal. If she's discouraged help he understand that sometimes what is normal for most is not necessarily normal for all. Fine a new Dr, keep trying to get answers. Eventually you will come across a Dr that will think outside the box and actually treat the individual.
This is actually quite interesting and is well worth looking into. To be honest, she has switched birth control do many times since the birth of our son 5 years ago I'm not exactly what she's on. All I know is that it is some sort of injection she goes in for every month or every 3 months.
Thanks for the heads up on this. I will start doing some homework ASAP!
Yes. Long ago. I have told her I support her fully through this.
Joey, it's been 4 years ? And you are still angry about this...
I can read it in your words when you speak of it.
Let me give you this to chew on.....
When you forgive another person, it is NOT for them, it is for you. Forgiveness means that you don't ever bring it up again.
From what I see, this is a sticking point for you in every facet with her.
You SAY that you are there for her , and you will work through it with her....
Yes ????
I really want you to think about this....
By saying that, in the words that you have used...
You are laying every ounce of this in her lap. You are blaming her for doing this TO you.
You are insinuating that SHE is the one with a problem....
Where are you in this ????
At what point are you validating her ?
At what point are you not trying to fix her problems with your solutions ???
From what I read....you are there for her, as long as she does it your way....
And I would REALLY like to be wrong about this....
Am I ???
Hey man. Let's pretend for that my wife and I both feel horrible over the way this whole thing was handled. How's that?
Of course it made me angry. Of course I was very hurt. Most people would be hurt when they find their spouse has hidden something so intamate and so personal for a year. And. It still hurts just a bit even to talk or type about it now. It's something I gave never shared with anyone. Ever.
I included it as part of our story here because I think it's the most obvious place to start. It's where out imtamscy issues began
But I have let go of it and I have forgiven her.
"my way" of approaching this issue has been what else was suggested here just a few post ago in this thread. That we seek another doctor who is willing to work with us and not just say "everything looks ok". My wife's only response has been to do nothing. Should I make dr appts and FORCE her to go? I have told her I am willing to do whatever she wants to move forward on this issue. At what point is she accountable for doing nothing at all?
