zig nice to see you dropping by. And thanks for asking. And for the "hope you're doing well".
Truly appreciated.
Honestly? It's roller coaster time with the W smiling at me and then (like just now when I made a morning drink) sort of shouting "what" on delivery of her tea. This may just have had something to do with her being at brothers house until the wee small hours. At least she came home. There's a big surprise.
I'm getting a stronger felling that I'm actually battling with two people, three if I'm included. The W is on the list but the friend is acting stranger and stranger as time goes by.
You know that she "read me my fortune" at great length a few weeks ago? Well she did it again on Wednesday after the W had left to Netball. She's adamant that the W is serious - as if I didn't notice! But what the heck has it got to do with the "friend"?
Then there was Thursday night at the local watering hole. I arrived and joined the "gang". Said my usual "hi all" and got a hug and kiss from friend - in front of the W. had a great evening with most of them. The W disappeared for a while. Then I spotted her in the dining area where it was quiet. With another female friend (note no ") who was talking to the W and looked concerned. Why? The W looked very down and unhappy. That was the night that I scored a smile from the W when I left. Hopefully the fog is lifting.
Last night - same watering hole but with a difference in the group dynamics. The W is sitting at the far end, the "friend" at the other - and no one is really talking to her. A split - wow I felt good. The W was very quiet - chewing things over? She told me she was going to brother to watch rugby and left. So did I a short while later. I passed "friend", said "goodbye" and was ignored (no kiss/hug on arrival either). Because my W wasn't taking notice and therefor the kiss/hug wouldn't have done any damage? No idea.
Going to have a shave and a shower and clean up. Let's see how the day progresses..
W just left for birthday party. Not looking happy to be picked up by "friend". Funny it's been quiet pleasant but no talk that gets too close to anything that matters.
She took a "buck up - things will be right" encouragement card that I bought her. Not ripped up as expected but put in her overnight bag (to read again and again? I hope so.). She needs all the encouragement and support. More than I do.
The "friend" is a "lady" who used to live around the corner from me. She was the "good samaritan" who gave my W somewhere to stay 3 years ago after she walked out. That was the time that my W saw her for what she was (and is) - an interfering busy-body. Even her family say this is the case - she wasn't allowed in our home (or theirs)!!! That was also the time that they came to blows - in public!!!
Problem is that my W has fallen into the "honey-trap" and see's her as the person to be with, follow and emulate. Not in a sexual way you understand. Just someone that enjoys life (in a pub) and hasn't got a care in the world. Exactly what the W desires.
Dropped a little comment for the W to chew over when she was picked up by the "friend" a short while ago - "Off with J again? People are beginning to talk again".
Shouldn't have but I couldn't resist as it's true. W had a puzzled look on her face. Hope it sank in. She did get away from her last night and it did her the world of good.
and do not have her reading your palm etc. also don't let her hug/kiss you.
there's something there that is screwy - and what i'm hearing is that you're hoping she'll convince your wife to change her mind.
lose that thought!
i think i pointed that out to you early on in the first thread.
it's hard for us LBS's not to cling somehow to the idea that someone else will help the WAS to "see" what they are doing and get them to see our side.
give it up. in fact , i would make a point not to be anywhere around that friend. you have to accept what the wife is doing . you are playing too many games right now. you're not detached enough to be playing games.
don't you think it's time to drop the rope and start focusing on yourself.
when your posts here are less about your wife and friend and more about your own introspection and growth, then you know you are on the right track
i'm not saying that you shouldn't be posting about what goes down in your sitch - but what i am not seeing is you focusing on what you are doing to change your ways FOR YOURSELF.
you're looking to "win" every little interaction with wife and friend - and that never goes well.
it's time for a 2x 4 - how about a tad bit of humility and a good hard look in the mirror. and forget the wife and friend while you're doing it. i'm only writing this because i want to see you get on the track you're supposed to be on. the flippancy is back, and i know that flippancy hides hurt - lot's of hurt behind it. time to take that mask off and start your own healing - and this is the place where you can come to help you do it.
as for that friend - if she has the wife's ear right now - STAY AWAY!!
practice your DB skills on her - act as if you are fine , happy etc etc. do NOT talk to her about your feelings or this site etc - that is a snake in the grass if ever i felt one.
also - if you can recognize the roller coaster - what are you still doing on it????
also - earlier you were GAL'ing - going out to do your stuff. why are you hanging out with wife and friend?
i do hope you are doing well - mac - and even though i'm not posting much, i've been following along
sorry for the whacks - but if you read back we gave you some a couple? of weeks ago - and now we're back to the same point.
stay vigilant - old habits die hard - and when i don't post much here - after all these months i've started to recognize that that's when i am not on the right track/
i don't know if what you are writing here is only part of the picture and you're just not mentioning the other good stuff you are doing for yourself - so my response is based on what i read.
take care of yourself
(((( )))) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
After looking over your last couple of posts, I have one thing to say and I say it as kindly as I possibly can... You are doing WAY to much mind-reading. Just go about your day and living your life... It really is that simple
((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
zig another one to you and I WILL reply to your post as there's a few misconceptions in it. I'm with you all the way - in and out of my world ((((another))))
