I am really in pain right now. I don't have a clue which way to turn. I just want to speak to her but I know I have to pull away. So desperate and scared, I cannot actually believe this is me writing this. Whenever she went away before she'd always ask if I missed her, and I'd always joke, "So were you away then? I wondered why it was quiet." before giving her a big kiss and a huge hug. What the hell has happened to my life?!?
This no contact thing is really confusing. The cycle goes like this: I start by thinking that by not ringing I am saying I don't care that she's left so I'm confirming her decision to blame me for everything. Then I think all I'll do is make her feel better anyway or that she's enjoying her green grass that I'll feel rubbish. Then I think well she should ring me first after all she's causing all this. Then I think but what if she's feeling too guilty? If I don't ring then we'll not talk again till she wants furniture. So, maybe I should ring in the spirit of making the first move? Then I think every time I've made an effort she put the barriers up anyway, so I'm better off not ringing. And then I go back to the start of the cycle.
Right now, I'm close to the making the first move stage. I'll see how I feel tomorrow before I do anything though.
Your thinking should go like this: I'm not calling her because I want to respect her and her decision and give her space. She knows how I feel about the situation and when she's ready to talk to me about it, she will. End of story.
Do not mind read what you think she's thinking. It leads nowhere and you will always make things worse in your head. Calling her right now would be a backslide. Do you want to backslide after how far you've come?
You're doing great... I know this is insanely painful.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
mab1, i have not heard from my H in 5 days. prior to the 4th of july (our holiday in case you're not in the u.s.), he would text, email, or call me on a daily basis about things.
i can only speculate why he's not communicating with me now. tomorrow is a work day so maybe he'll start again. the only thing i do know that is if he wanted to talk to me, his phone ring out, not just in.
gotta give them space.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
