I think I know which movie you are talking about. I loved the book and the movie. Had a hard time watching it recently, but it made me want to just pick up and leave.
Zig, hope you have a great time tonight. The no power thing really threw off my week, so I'm in the house watching TV while H sleeps on the couch, listening to the fireworks display instead of being there in person.
Originally Posted By: labug
Ohhh that movie.
Rest a bit, we don't have to be moving in a direction all the time.
Bug, needed this reminder to NOT do anything. Every time I do, bad things happen.
flirted a bit - threw out an audacious heavy hint (he actually responded by saying "you're bad"), and looked and felt sexy gorgeous and at ease.
h wasn't not receptive - but definitely fighting it. didn't really care. he stayed hanging out with us for a lot longer than i expected and we even had a "family moment" together , the three of us.
one of my gf's exclaimed "zig you look gorgeous tonight' as i came up and joined them. which surprised me - but definitely seemed to affect h. yay gf!! she was scheming tonight for sure, later we were all lying together on the blanket and she made me move over insisting they needed more space so i was an inch away from h. i joked and said i don't bite, you know, and he replied yes you do. so then i said, yes but i haven't for a very long time.
Every time I do, bad things happen.
what do you mean by this roro? it puzzled me a bit.
sorry you couldn't go out to see the fireworks. ours here weren't too impressive.. but there were hundreds of people out there and a band and it was a lot of fun
labug - i am resting - in the sense that i'm just doing what i like around h and he can make of it what he will, not my problem. when i say doing what i like - i'm just being my happy bubbly self and feeling good, and just loving them and being affectionate and acting like i always did actually acting a lot happier (without all the [censored] that used to come between the good times). if either of them (H or s) can't handle it, it's their problem not mine.
zig
ps: as for all the "angst" that came up - it came up and out and i feel relief. and all the meditation really helped. one more step on the road to recovery, eh?
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Hey Zig, I just meant whenever I make the decision to "do" something, it usually ends badly. For example, I snoop, see something I don't like, confront H, and a R conversation happens. Usually ending with me feeling bad.
Whenever I am basically being my happy, lovable self (this I've realized is actually my true self if I can keep my walls down), my interactions with H go much better. Basically I'm being still and not actively "doing" anything.
If I had time and I may at some point I'm going to dig out the exact date when I thought about running away back home. And I recognised that in my life I have often thought that moving would make things better. During H and I's marriage we made major moves (over 2000 miles) TWICE...
And I decided that THIS time I would stand still. I think that we can romantize home. And only remember the good and think that all the wories and pain and problems are only existing here and wouldn't be there. And it would be a fresh start etc.
I know exactly how you feel. And I had to stop looking at beautiful artwork from home, listening to music from home, etc. I had to stop because I was only torturing myself. In the same way that looking at old pictures of me and H was torturing myself. I decided that I could have a life here without him!!! And I started "enjoying the strawberries" that were right there...my village, my countryside, so many shops and things I'd never visited before.
(((((((((( ))))))))))
I understand how you feel...it will pass, Z. In the meantime I like the way that Bug put it....just REST.
brit - everything you say is true - and i realize it - it comes over in a wave, when i feel discouraged. i know i'm not join got do that. but just like other things - i wasn't quite prepared for the visual onslaughts of indai in the movie, and it brought up stuff that was deep inside.
already today, i am past it - that urge to run away.
that mud t be the biggest longest hug on the board - thank-you
bug you're right. the same irritating things are there no matter where one is - the only solution - to stop let tin them/it whatever irk you any longer.
thanks both of you
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Zig I think one of your new turtles is CONFIDENCE!! It's just exuding out of your posts about the party and the 4th. I love your GF - what a good friend! Haha!
oops i misunderstood who the irritating one is, i guess it's me
talk about irritating!! my brother and i have the WORST patterns- my mom says that when i can get through a conversation or interaction with him without it heading down to hell as it always does, then i will have grown completely (she also admits that she cannot do that, and that he is the challenging one)
so another of those insane conversations with him - but this time we calmed down, stayed on the phone, talked and even got to the point of him pointing out my dysfunctional pattern to me. which helped me to see some more within myself. but of course - he was perfect and the moment i tried to point out his pattern - things went to hell again!!
lesson learned - let whomever point out your pattern, say thank you for helping me see that and let it go at that.
i have a headache from that conversation!.
my brother is very good at sending out 2 x 4's - except he doesn't pad them in anything! it's the full on whack across the head as hard as you can, and about 10 of them in a row.and if that's not enough, here's a few more just in case you didn't get the message!!
vera -funnily he didn't notice my new confidence - in fact half the 2 x 4's were about get over yourself and stop being so unconfident and unworthy.
it did make me think - with certain people, that bring certain things up in you, you display certain parts of your character. i think my brother and h, bring out the side of me that is racked with anxiety and low self esteem. interesting - to realize that.
so maybe more came out of this conversation than i realized at the time.
my brother on the other hand, had a disastrous marriage for 2 years which ended disastrously and he's been a hermit ever since. he brings up the same emotions and reactions with all the members of our immediate family, not just me. so being successful in a r with him, is i think in some ways more of a challenge than with h. i haven't succeeded for 40 yrs!!
oh well - i'm going to let that go...
I don't want to be the irritating one any longer!!
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
