Christine - before a WAS droppes the bomb they are carrying a big burden - "Do I drop the bomb or not?" This puts them on edge and tension between you is tight. But after dropping the bomb that burden is lifted. If the tension of the Bomb can be handled then this might be a really good time to DB but remember He did make the decision and drop that bomb. DB your heart out but remember and follow all the DBing techniques - Don't pursue or do anything that will validate his decision to drop that bomb.
In my sitch C droped the bomb and immediately filed for D - In Ga you can get an uncontested D in as little as 30 days. By the time of the final hearing I felt that I had her almost persuaded to change her mind. Alas, she did not, but a vast improvement in our R and it continues to improve. In your sitch, his dropping the bomb might just release his burden and ease his mind enough that you can be successful in your DBing.
Christine, It's so very hard to second guess where these guys are coming from. One way or the other it should not affect the way you handle things now.
You CANNOT pursure him. The only thing that will have a chance of attracting him is your independence. It's imperative that you remain his close friend but at as if your fine with either way things go.
If you don't then he won't give you a second glance, because he will feel that things have not changed nor will they ever.
What ever you've been doing in the past, turn it around and do the opposite. If you've been a home body, get your butt out of the house and go have fun with friends, or go to a bookstore and browse, or to a movie by yourself-EVEN if you don't feel like it. I guarantee you'll feel better for it.
H will notice these changes and the first thing they think is that which has been mine is now her own.
It reminds him of what he fell in love with. There are no guarantees, but it gives you a chance. One that you really don't have unless you detach and let him see your moving on. There's hope, you just have to do your part. Good luck! Rachael
Quote: "H will notice these changes and the first thing they think is that which has been mine is now her own."
Thanks! This have given my a lot to think about. We do EVERYTHING together...I mean EVERYTHING. I need to start taking away these joint activities and doing them on my own. That's not that hard for me actually. I was an only child.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Christine, Good for you! I love that attitude. With that, you can do anything. Just remember to take care of you first. That's not being selfish, it's being SMART.
A woman that does not depend on anyone to take care of her is a very attractive trait. Sounds like you won't have a problem with it. Your already confident and that's what it takes. Your on your way! Rachael
I don't know if this is of any value to you but someone posted it in my locked out thread. I look at it from time to time and take a little hope from it.
Quote: The first small sign I often encourage people to look for is Ws ambivalence--swinging from cool or even hostile behavior to relaxing and even warmth sometimes. What's important is that you respond to either with a nonchalant neutrality. Otherwise in positive moments she may worry about creating "false hope" (which I consider an oxymoron, but seems to hold meaning for some people) and seeing any negative response to hostility as verification of her assumptions.
So, as the wise ones here have said, do your DB work for yourself, and let nothing you see or hear sway you from the course of self-care, PMA, and your sense of direction. Blessings, v
-------------------- Vernetta Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 815-337-8000 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with Vernetta - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
This is a great thread- here's another question to successful piecers out there...
When S started coming around, were the signs slow to come in time, or was there a point of breakdown after you had reached a certain level of warmness? I know everyone is different, but it would be interesting to hear people's experiences....
How many people experienced 'discontent' up until the last minute before reconciliation? ..
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
Quote: How many people experienced 'discontent' up until the last minute before reconciliation?
Signs were slow, very slow. I still haven't seen a breakdown point and "discontent" was experienced up until, during and through the last minute before reconciliation....
It's almost been like dragging a car through the streets with it's brakes locked and the transmission in reverse. I'm still waiting for the thaw.
What a great description! Other things that come to mind are the world's stongest man contests when they are dragging a semi truck or a train! Ha.
I did speak with a WAW and she said she was teetering up until the point she decided she would give it another chance, she was still skeptical all the way up until that point. Great post! JSTX!
What a great description! Other things that come to mind are the world's stongest man contests when they are dragging a semi truck or a train! Ha.
I did speak with a WAW and she said she was teetering up until the point she decided she would give it another chance, she was still skeptical all the way up until that point. Great post! Yeah JSTX!
