Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers In home separation? Off / On? Still WAW? Dunno

Bill think of it this way.

As long as OM is in the picture do not waste time thinking about R talks. She knows how much it hurts you with this disrespect. Let this action speak more than anything she says.

Each time they see each other resets the clock. I would go with the thoughts that it is still on. Because if it was off they would not be dancing.

So you are in LIMBO.

Waiting for OM to leave the picture.

This you need to get out of.

As it will suck the life out of you.

Thanks Chatterbug

A lot of good advice there.



I'm not 100% sure she is still dancing with him, because of something she said after the bomb about him not wanting to dance on a Friday night, but if I'm being honest with myself I'd know if she wasn't dancing with him.

I need to stop living in this state of mind & this limbo, because it really is stopping me from growing.

At the moment I am thankful that I am still living at home with my kids and that Divorce papers haven't been served to me, but as much as I want things to work out, I can't wait forever. This dance class that she's in doesn't just have the OM in it her friends are there as well and she loves dancing.

I understand I can only work on me & there is a lot of work still left to do, I'm just sick of feeling like this & not being in control of my choices. I want my life back.

I really think my goals need to be totally geared towards GAL at the moment, because I really need to snap out of this.

I'm making plans to go out with the kids tomorrow afternoon, meet up with a friend for lunch on my birthday & take the kids out for a meal on my birthday. I've also got my cousins stag party next Friday & a couple of Graduation thingies in July.

I just need to get out there and connect with my friends more.

Yea. And when you two start to work on the marriage again. You should take an interest in dancing. And join in on that. And when she asks why. You say it is for the good of the marriage that we both take interest in each others hobbies. This in turn will have you open up on something you love that she does not partake in.

An opportunity to start something new in your life that you can GAL with. Something that down the road you can share. Something healthy. Something good.

Hi Bill

There is a weird plateau going on and Ive too am getting impatient. Has any good advice on the next steps brought anything up? Or, is it just a waiting game we r looking at?

Hi Chatterbug

That's just it, I did take up dancing with my W before the bomb & I thought it made a huge difference having that 1 night out together every week (for me anyway).

I do enjoy dancing but the whole thing has just left a bad taste in my mouth really. My W is getting ready to go dancing now & she's out tomorrow night for some charity thing at work. I'm a bit annoyed about tomorrow because it stops me from going out with some of my friends if I wanted to (which I do).

I'm going to start doing my own thig a lot more & no more invites which is something that I've been doing. I don't get invited when my W wants to do something with the kids, so I'm gonna start doing my own thing.

Interrupted :-(

post more later

I took up running to spend more time with ladybug. Eventually I just made it my own. As we were not going to run together and I enjoyed it.

Guess its the same with the dancing. If you enjoy it. It is something to get back into later with your GALing.


Like you said. Start doing your own thing and doing it for you. As this is the way it is.

Hi Yankee

Nothing has really changed in my sitch, i'm just looking at it at a little differently because I really thought my W would have brought up an R talk by now.

What Chatterbug has pointed out to me about the OM even being in the picture in whatever form or context, it's a barrier to anything at the moment. I needed my eyes opening up to that fact & to realise the situation for what it really is.

I'm just going to take a few days really looking at myself & what I want and then I'll put some goals into place (acheivable goals for ME).

I'm gonna try & read as much of the No More Mr Nice Guy book tonight before my W comes home. I didn't like the sound of the title, 'cause I thought it would be a book to promote being a jerk, but so far it's really good.

Although things have been getting me down lately, there's no rush to do anything drastic to change this plateau. Things will change at the pace they change, no matter what happens next.

I am noticing a bit (ok a lot) of resentment creeping in on my part, not so good for our interactions, but it is helping so much with detaching, it's the GAL I need to make my priority & I'm looking forward to it.

P.S.

Chatterbug - I do enjoy the dancing on my own, but I've decided to pull out for now, 'cause I missed 4 weeks in a row & I'm going to maybe go back in September, when the new term starts

Bill

Really didn't see it coming, walked straight into a covert Relationship talk with my W & took the bait, think it's over.

I was having a lovely day with my daughter, took her to a new coffee house that is an exact replica of Central Perk from Friends & some lunch, then when I got back home my W, started stressing about money.

I didn't spend that much & it was a treat that I'd had planned for a couple of weeks as my son was on a day trip with his Beavers group, so it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. Anyway my W was stressing about money, shouting a bit & crying and she took herself off to the bedroom.

I left her up there for about 10 minutes & brought up a cup of tea to see if she was OK and to try & re-assure her about my job hunting. I do feel really bad about not working & have been applying for lots of jobs, but there is not much out there & it's only 8 weeks until my new course starts.

We were talking & then she says, 'It's not just the money, everything else is crap, me and you are no closer and the situation is still the same'.

I said, 'I know the situation isn't nice, but we can't really get any closer while the OM is still in the picture, whether you are just dancing with him or not'.

I said 'if we were going to try & work through our issues, he can't be in the picture'.

she then said to me that things didn't improve on holiday, to which I agreed, but said that, 'there was never an opportunity for me and you to spend time together alone or talk, because every night we came back to the hotel you went straight to sleep for 14 nights in a row, and every time we had a laugh, you put up a wall & pulled back'.

My W said, 'I know I put these barriers up, some of it is my hormones, but I don't think things will ever get better and I just feel empty, like I'm dead'.

I said to her, 'I can't change the way you feel right now, all's I've been doing since the bomb, was working on my own issues & giving you space to think things over, but don't think that this is what I want'.

We exchanged some other back and forth conversation and it ended with me saying, 'What do you want to do now'? and my W said 'I know what I want to happen, but I don't want to make all the decisions'.

I don't know what my next steps are going to be now, I don't want to make all this easier and quicker, but I'm starting to think that the longer I stay here the more likelier it is she will file for D.

i'm upset & confused as to what to do now, I don't want to give in, but I think it's just a matter of time now, she just doesn't feel anything for me anymore.

It's sad, but I kind of feel like a weight has just been taken off my shoulders. I'm dreading the fallout of what is likely to come & how my kids will deal with the split.

I knew things had to change & that the lid would come off this hot pot sooner or later. I think separation (1 of us moving out)or Divorce, is the only logical next step now.

If I wait for my W to either move out, ask me to move out or file, I'm just leaving it totally in her hands. On the other hand if I leave, my kids might think that I've left them because I don't love them.

Any advice, 2 x 4's or words of encouragement / consolment on a Saturday night people? Could really use some contact right now.

Bill

Wow, I kind of went under the radar on my last post.

I know it was a Saturday night and it can happen.

It's been 2 days since this R talk and I'm confused. Later that Saturday night me and my W ML and it was full of passion, on the Sunday we went to my MIL's for a roast and they had a birthday cake for me, me and my w were flirting a lot, mostly on her part.

It's my birthday today and we've just ML again and I'm scratching my head, if this is over for her, why is this so good and why is she flirting and being super nice to me?

It is my birthday today, but I don't think that's the reason.

Any advice from my last 2 posts DB'rs?

Bill

enjoy the ml and the cake

don't ask questions

wait and see if it keeps going good

Happy birthday!