Previously: H has recently uttered such oddities as "We haven't really spent much time together recently. Let's cook dinner tonight." and "You haven't had much to say recently." and "I was really upset that you left for the gym without me." Appears to not understand significance of filing for D. Is now out of town for most of time for next 8 weeks. Hasn't done much in way of getting house ready to sell.
Not much going on here today.
Last post:
Another email from H with a link to something relevant to my interests.
It's almost odd not having him here after he'd been here for a few weeks straight. I can really spread out and relaaaaaax.
Of note - I'd emailed both of his parents (separately) related to health concerns that H had told me about. They both responded with nice, but restrained notes. It's odd to think of them as STBX-IL's/non-family members.
Very interesting. Sounds like he's confused....who am I to say. I know what you mean about the in-law's. I love my in-law's so much (his whole side of the family) and that hurt me a lot as well. I know I am always welcome (they are all really sad about this turn of events) but I know it won't be the same.
Me:29; W:37 T: 6 M: 4 D: 2; SD: 14; SS: 17 H filed D: 6/13/12; H moved out: 6/14/12 H moved back in: 6/28/12 Confirmed EA: 8/12
Well, it's still a transition getting used to him not being here again. I had some anxiety today because I'd gotten used to working from home occasionally when he was around and he's not here today.
BUT it is nice to not have to worry about whether he's going to try to nap in my bed when I'm not looking!
As I mentioned on your thread, glad Cheryl time was helpful for you
Got 2 texts from H today about random things. I responded to an email this morning that he sent yesterday but not the texts today and I don't plan to respond to those. That's about it here.
For some reason I've been really, really tired the past few days. Wanted to go to the gym but decided to take a 2 hour nap after work instead - have to listen to the body sometimes. Plus it is so stinking hot here. I made a new dish for dinner and it's not bad. Relaxing evening.
Any recommendations on which Pema Chodron book I should get first?
I started reading "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pauch. Google it if you aren't familiar. I needed a break from the self-improvement stuff. Lovely story, heartbreakingly honest. I was reading it on the bike at the gym last night and had to stop before I started openly crying in front of everyone. Have to stop talking about it before it happens again. Best to read at home with a few kleenex!
H sent me a message that he'd watered the "garden" and asked me to give a little more attention to one of the containers of plants.
The "garden" in years past was a massive undertaking on his part. This year he didn't plant anything (it's literally piles of dirt falling out of broken containers), so it's a few flowers that I planted, one tomato plant I purchased, a container that's still growing herbs from last year, and a blueberry shrub that's been sort of alive for the past few years but producing berries for the first time this year (defiantly, almost ). It's interesting that he went out to water at all. However, no expectations from this. It is noted and I'm not dwelling on it.
I picked up some paint for a little accent wall project this weekend. Should be . . . interesting
"Interesting that he went out to water at all. However, no expectations from this. It is noted and I'm not dwelling on it."
good for you!!
no expectations! i wonder if it's only when they give themselves the real option of the loss, they start to really see what they are walking away from?
would love to hear about your 'interesting' project hope you're having a good day:) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
My painting project involved two parts - one around the window casing (which was the same color of the wall before), and one accent wall around the windows. After I finished the window casing part, the room looked MUCH brighter. I probably should have left it as it was! Too bad - I then put up the dark, bold color to make it an accent wall. Something was wrong with the paint mix and the roller was useless so I had to do it all by hand with a brush!! 2 hours on one wall! It looks . . . probably not great BUT! I would have always wondered what it would have looked like had I sold the house and not done this, so now it's out of my system.
I will probably get a quote to have someone "fix" it as the painting seemed to re-aggravate an old arm injury and I don't think I can manage a coat of primer and two more coats of a new color by myself. It's probably a little too out-there of a color for house-selling purposes. Oops
Yesterday I also finished a craft project for a gift and started another one (that will be a race to the finish to get done!). I've crafted some things before for gifts but I have never crocheted an entire blanket to give to someone. I had to get a new hook because I lost my old one but it's smaller so the project will now take longer. I'm looking forward to seeing it complete! While I was working on it I watched a few episodes of the show H and I had been watching. It's to the point now that I don't know how much longer I'll want to watch it. It's pretty intense and two of the main characters are now in the midst of D (awkward!).
Yesterday (very productive) I also cleaned the gutter by myself for the first time. This was probably not the smartest thing to do without someone around to make sure I didn't fall off of the roof and in the past I would have waited until H was back and then asked him to do it. But I just did it myself. It felt good.
I am having a few friends over this evening to check out my paint job, drink a big bottle of wine, and maybe watch a movie. It's the first time I've had anyone over here since BD. It always seemed like it would be too awkward to do with H around. He seems to be enjoying his weekend away with likely OW/EA based on a late night tweet. He did send a text yesterday about something that happened with one of my favorite sports teams and a ":(" to go with it. [Random aside- after BD, he asked me to not send him ":(" in texts because they made him sad. ???]
I also think I forgot to journal this - when we went to the concert a week and a half ago or so, he realized on the way there that he'd forgotten his earplugs. I happened to have a cheap pair in my back pocket from an event I'd gone to some time prior, so I gave them to him (I always keep my good ones in my purse just in case I end up at a concert). He kept saying with an astonished tone of voice - "That was really nice of you, thank you." I just shrugged - no big deal.
He's back at the end of the week this week. Then I'm going out of town in the middle of the following week for a bit, and when I get back he'll be out of town again.
My goals for this week include getting a doctor's appointment set up, getting my hair cut again (appointment already made!), and calling a realtor to see if I can get a sense of what we'd get for the house.
Today I'm going to get back to yoga for the first time in over 3 months. I used to go every weekend but got out of the habit as I started going to a different gym more. Time to re-center!
). It's interesting that he went out to water at all. However, no expectations from this. It is noted and I'm not dwelling on it. 
