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That's what my friend said.."you would never drop by his mom's house".

Below is what I am planning on sending him tomorrow. He must have had the day off so he knew prior to coming that he would be coming...which is what irks me. I know some people suggested that I should be cutting the lawn and doing house projects by myself...but I think I am at the point where I am done with caring if he resents me. I don't want a R with him anymore, but as a co-owner of this house I expect him to help with the care and maintenance. I am not needy or dependent....I removed the wallpaper from every room in this house and did most of the painting myself too. That was a big issue, that I felt I had to be the man and woman of the house because he is "low energy" and I am "high energy" (read: lazy vs motivated).

Hi H,
I noticed you came by the house today. While I appreciate you cutting the lawn, in the future please let me know that you are coming by".

I so want to write something like "so I can make sure my new boyfriend's toothbrush isn't out" or something snarky but I resisted

Love it!!! : )

"While I appreciate you cutting the lawn, I will be taking care of it myself and no longer need you to do it. Thank you".

There.

Bond- even if I no longer want a relationship with him and want him to cut the lawn? I honestly cannot maintain the house myself. I hope to get some projects done this summer and put it on the market. The selling feature is the yard. I don't want to be constantly doing house stuff all weekend- I want to be enjoying myself too and going on vacations and training for triathlons. Why should he get to have all the fun why I get all the responsibility?

Because you want to show your independence. I'm not saying that YOU personally have to do it. But you can hire someone even if it's the neighbor's kid.

The sooner your H sees that you no longer need him, the sooner he'll start rethinking things.

Hey Maggie - this again sounds like you're trying to punish your H for his decision. I agree that it might be a good idea to get someone else to take care of the lawn so that you can BOTH show H you don't NEED him and you can enjoy your summer, too.

Hey Maggie just checking in...what did you decide on the email/lawn issue?

I have to say as soon I decided to just fix that DIY project myself i felt so much better. I hate asking H anything and the sooner I separate his involvement with this house the easier it is to detach. I think it is harder for the person who stays at the house to detach because there's so many memories. Who knows maybe moving into a new place makes you feel cold and alone but I've just now started RECLAIMING this place as mine.

Thanks for checking on me! I'm doing really well lately.

I feel completely detached from him. I've actually Realized I don't want an R with him in the future- which is why I am fine with him cutting the lawn and helping with the maintenance of our home, which I am now getting more comfortable with the idea of selling. I'm too old to get roommates and it is too much house for me- both physically and to maintain.

I think my realization of not wanting an R with him has come from the fact that at this stage in our relationship it was the easiest it was ever going to be. We both are healthy, have good jobs, healthy parents and no children. He spoke about all the stress and how he is less stressed at his mothers, etc. I know I am not a stress inducing person. So if he couldn't take this- how would he be able to handle when things REALLY got stressful?

I never emailed him about stopping by. I had a crazy week, end of school year and dealing with my car insurance after my fender bender, plus I joined a running club and had some dental work so I really kind of forgot about it. If he comes by unannounced again I will set the boundary but until then- no communication.

Sounds like you're in a good place!

Over the moon for you! this whole attitude is a complete 180 from when you first started posting. that is major growth.