Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers We lost the spark, and I feel guilty. Part#3

Everything was always all about me.

There were 2 people in your M, it takes 2 make it work and it takes 2 to break it.

You are not solely responsible for the breakup of your M.

Let this upset die down and you'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow.

Just because he told you you were selfish (whether you were selfish or not) does not entitle him to extort your money away from you.

I know how easy it is to want to tell someone what they want to hear when they are upset to calm them down. Unfortunately your H is not thinking rationally right now. Please please please do not agree to give him any money to make either of you feel like you are making up for any selfish behavior that you may have exhibited in the past.

It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you by saying that he might have come back if you hadn't done X, but you did X and now he won't come back. There is no way to know if there was any truth to this statement (that he might have come back) and he's just saying it to upset you.

Please, please take care of yourself right now. Don't agree to anything. If he gets violent again please do not be afraid to leave, call someone, or get the police involved.

Time for you to get off that train. You didn't even know you were hurting his feelings. It was his responsibility to tell you. If he didn't, how the heck would you know?

And let's face it. He hasn't exactly been a saint. He leaves and doesn't tell you where he goes, yet he gets mad when you do it? Give me a break. He's doing alot of things behind your back and blames you for it.

I'll bet in your R if you stop for a minute, you're going to find alot of examples where he just did as he pleased even though you didn't like it.

You've already taken ownership of what you did and are willing to make things right. That's the RIGHT way to do things. The WRONG way is to not say anything, hope that it gets better, then leave when things don't change.

It's time you have to stand up for yourself a little.

Thanks, guys. I did the thing I wasn't supposed to do and tried to plead with him again. I stopped as soon as I realized it, but he was finally speaking to me rationally. He came into the room and brought me a cup of tea. And then I pursued and I just felt worse. We neglected each other for so long, and he just doesn't think there's any way either of us can change.

keep your money!!! you can't buy love. you will need it and regret it later if you don't have it. if he has character, he won't ask for it. think about that...

he's blaming you for everything. you can't be responsible for EVERYTHING. don't let him guilt you into losing what finacial security you have left.

Thanks, scaredsilly. You're right. I will need it. He is offering to give me a card that can access his account so that I can buy food and gas and stuff. We are going to sell a lot of stuff so go towards credit cards and car. I guess we've decided to stick out living in the same apartment until we pay off our debts, so maybe two months.

I don't think he's necessarily blaming me for everything, he has admitted to a lot of wrongs. I do feel as if my selfishness was a major issue.

Did you have your IC appointment yet?

It's tomorrow night.

Oh gosh, tonight is so hard. I've certainly calmed down and I cooked myself some dinner, and it was nice chatting with old friends.

I just feel so bad right now.
There just seems to be no hope of this every resolving. I feel good about getting on with my life, but it's so hard.