Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I just want to be friends...Pt3

Hi Zig,

Sorry I have been out of touch lately. It's a combo of things really. Thanks so much for your encouragement and words of wisdom.

This is the third installment of this thread. So, maybe it is a new phase as someone on the board mentioned.

I have kept myself really busy lately, and trying to not think about things too much, and just getting on with life.

Met a couple of new friends, also I seem to have 'lost' a couple of friends. I don't understand how or why - certainly no arguments of any kind. It's interesting how two aren't communicating suddenly and yet I acquired two others. So, something in my energy is clearly changing. The subject of friends has been high on my list of issues lately - something to sort out.

I met a really good healer today though! Clearly what I require Will be having a healing session soon and I can't wait!

Only 3 weeks left at school before we break up for summer. I'm looking forward to just working somewhere - hopefully I can get something interesting and positive and self-esteem building.

My H hasn't been in touch much, and to be honest I'm getting to the point of welcoming the lack of connection now because it's too confusing and painful. So, it's better to be in peace.

I'm biding my time.

hi YC so pleased to hear from you - i've been looking to see if you posted .

that's great that you found some new friends - it will bring new energy into your circle - which is goo.

it's time for me to attract the same. even though i've been socializing a ton more, it's all with people we know and who know h well.

reading what you wrote - made me think that it's time to go for new energy myself

i'm glad that you're welcoming the lack of connection - you are so right - it is too painful and very very confusing and we do need to extricate ourselves from it physical and emotionally.

about losing your friends - i think it's about the energy we emit - wherever we are - that brings people to us and away from us. you have a different energy now, so of course what you bring to you is different. i think it's wonderful that as 2 moved away 2 moved in.

i'm trying to see it in terms of that with h - we're just not on the same level and that's why this is happening - and as i get to the place to really genuinely allow, new things will move in to replace that. it's the real allowing that's the challenge though, because as long as we keep clinging to what's not really there, we can't allow the other stuff to move in - the good stuff, the stuff that makes us whole , the stuff that lets it not matter all that much any more.

keep on keeping on - yc - i'm glad you're keeping busy. i have to do the same

((( ))))
zig

Thanks Zig. If you were around I'd give you a big long hug

you just did - i'm getting used to these virtual hugs and learning to really feel them.

i was joking with my girlfriends last night (the boys had just come over to us to ask if they could have a play date and sleepover) that groan - i could do with a play date myself, and heck - wouldn't mind a sleepover either!!!!!

i was kidding though - kind of!

hope you're having a great day - i just spent the last couple of hours reading the "standing thread" -very good for me, really helped me to understand what it means to stand and how that shifts

zig

Hi Zig and everyone,

Yeah, girlfriends are so important and wonderful! I went to a symposium today and saw my classmates. I initially felt sooo isolated from them. They did invite me out to lunch eventually. I felt so much better being with them and we had a really nice lunch. All talking about heartbreak and old boyfriends. I came back to life after that and went on to do some networking

I didn't mention this but last week, after some prompting from me, my H asked me to dinner - which should have happened today. He was a bit reluctant to respond, so I just bowed out and said not to worry about it and nevermind. Suddenly, he was like, "I'm here if you want to do something." I said thank you but at the moment, I'm just not feeling well so maybe some other time. I pretty much left it at that. I figured I had prompted it, and as he seemed reluctant, I didn't want to feel like I was pushing it.

So, today after the symposium I got home and had this tugging feeling to call my H. So, I did and we had a nice long chat - as we do. We've never run out of things to say to each other in 17 years - even if we are arguing. I talked about a friend of mine who is having a hard time finding a mate. He then said, "Every pot has a lid," and we were both quiet after that. I felt like I was talking to my lid and my heart warmed up so much. I wasn't expecting that at all!!!

So we keep on talking, and at the end he asks if I would like to go for dinner. BINGO! I did not prompt, I did not hint, mention etc., This time I accepted, and said it would be really wonderful, yes, thank you. And then he said, "But you didn't want to do it last week." And I reminded him that I was not feeling well.

So, we will have dinner next week, and I am pleased.

i just listened to this a few mins ago - a bit after i read your last post.

i think it will resonate with what just happened between you and your h - in terms of the invitation

on you tube. type in Abraham Hicks Breathing Exercises. she;s talking to a massage therapist - but the theory - it's what we are after here for ourselves, as LBS's - at least the way i see it - it fits in with the paradox and all the db'ing stuff and the main message we are to get here.

interested to know what you think, if you do listen to it

zig

This is just wonderful!!! Great link. I love the whole the reason you are more comfortable being alone is because 'you have less to manage'. Too true!!!

Abraham-Hicks is so good for very practical info.

Thank you for the link!!

Wow, YC this is interesting!

You sound like you are in a good place, so keep up the good work.
Great to hear you focusing on the positives, too. You haven't seen him for a while and you enjoy the calmness this brings. I know how you feel. My H is away for the long weekend, and knowing that he's not here has made me feel so relaxed.

Looking forward to hearing more.

Best, NLW

Journliing:

I've had an exceedingly busy week. It's getting close to end of term time, so lots of things happening. I've been out more in recent week than all of this year.

I discovered Rhodiola Rosea which is helping my mood and energy levels. It keeps stress as bay - I highly recommend it No PMS this month as a result!!

Since I have been so busy, it's funny that my H is emailing/text - every other day. It's absolutely wonderful to see him come out of his shell. Looks like a real date is forming. He emailed to ask about whether we should cook at home or go to a restaurant and cinema on Saturday. I'll be working on the day so can only squeeze in probably one thing, and then maybe cook at home.

NLW, you know, one thing I told my H the last time I spoke to him was thta I am sticking by him because he stuck by me when I had my own little MLC. I think that made a difference to him feeling secure. MLC is tough!!

I saw some friends tonight I hadn't seen in ages. It was so good to see them.

I do feel like I am turning a corner (or maybe it's just the Rhodiola Rosea that's helping).

Hi YC,

It sounds like things are heading in a good direction! I would vote for cooking together at home -- it's a great bonding opportunity, particularly if the meal turns out well. Men like "doing" and working on projects -- if their hands are busy they are more likely to open up and talk -- it's a "guy thing".

If you're working on food prep it will be easier for him to open up than if you're looking at each other across a table in a restaurant -- that would be my vote.

Best regards,

Accuray