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IMO you should apologize. Women have a long memory about stuff like that. I get the fact that you feel hurt and disrespected. Believe me I do, but if you burst out like that, it makes you sound weak, out of control and insecure.

If you want to make an impact, pack her bags, tell her you're not willing to have her in the home when she sneaks off to other man's house (then when she protests, tell her you have proof), and that he can have her and the children stay with you while she enjoys her new life.

That will shake her up.

MrBond,
We had our first fight a week and a half ago in about 10 years. I did exactly that, where I started to pack her suit case and told her to leave. I've caught her over there before. She was still in OM driveway when I confronted her.
But anyway she refused to leave and is taking care of the family during the night while I work third shift.

"But anyway she refused to leave"

You don't give her a choice.

So she said she was not going to leave and keep seeing the guy?

The marriage counselor also recommended that W should move out instead of me. But here is another bit of info I feel I should share, the MIL is paying the mortgage after our foreclosure on our old house.

So have you discussed it with your L what your rights are? Your MIL is paying for the whole mortgage? Does she know all the details of what's going on? Is there somewhere you could go with the kids?

Today was really difficult. The pastor at the church W and I have started to go to has met with me a couple of time in the past and wanted to talk with me and the W at the same time. I asked W if she wanted to go, and she said not if for marriage counseling but just to help us find a way to talk to our boys about our seperation future. I told the pastor this and we scheduled an appointment for this morning.

I can't afford a L and yes MIL is paying the whole mortgage and knows the whole situation. MIL lives about half a mile from where we are living now. Earlier I was talking to her too much about what was happening and W was also. MIL was getting two versions of what was going on and was getting frustrated. For the last couple of weeks the info talked with her was just financial stuff.

There is no where for me to go with S12 and S7

How about your family? There are legal aid societies that offer free legal advice. You are going to have to start controlling the path of your own life. Right now your W is holding all the cards.

MrBond thanks for visiting my thread. I really appreciate your help.
I visited my family (mom and sister) in Iowa last weekend to look into the posiblity of moving there. Not much hope, as the job market and rent are worse than I have here.
I feel that the W does hold all the cards and I don't know right now how to get them back.
The only thing I have now is I'm the only money and benifets maker and it pi$$es me off that she is spending it on plastic sugurey and beauty care for someone or for her self other than me(though I've noticed that the last couple of days the affair has seemed to have stopped, but I suspect(no proof) she is still texting him). Since the MIL is allowing it to happen and has a finacial investment in my life, it's difficult to know which way to go on my limeted budget.