Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Thread #7 - What goes down, might come up.

Go somewhere you are not rejected my brother.

I know we tend to pile on your W, but either conciously or subconciously your W knows she can guilt trip you into compliance. You know this too. You could just stealth serve her. I think in many ways you still want her approval. Trust me I know and im there right now.

I'd cut her "some" slack if she was doing "anything" to find happiness with you, but she isn't. Love doesn't drive her actions but fear of actually having to take care of herself.

greenblue90,

And we know she isn't doing anything to make him feel loved. If it is, its a microscopic, carefully managed scrap she throws him to quiet him down. When they are gone, you really have to make yourself a single person - and your former spouse is no longer your friend.

Well, I'm still stuck/lost and don't know what I want to do next regarding W. I feel like I've let myself and all of you down. W was headed toward "rock bottom" and I threw her a rope. On the plus side, W has cut back significantly on the drinking for a full week now.

Ohio BFF was supposed to be stopping back by DC on the way home from her vacation, but I guess she had a rough time with her son and decided to go straight home. Oh well.

Saturday was S4's birthday. We had D6's soccer game in the morning and then did a team party at Red Robin afterwards. We also celebrated S4's birthday there. Then we were invited to hang out with some friends. I had a great time - playing with the kids and chatting it up with my friends and some people I had just met. W kinda sat there looking dejected and texting her Ohio BFF for a good part of the time we were there. There was a fairly attractive woman at the party who I didn't know...there was a couple times where I was playing with the kids and she came over and started playing too. I'm pretty sure it was driving W nuts to see that. There was also a previously D'd woman there with her new fiancee...she seemed like a great person.

Thinking I need to step up the GAL a bit...for myself.

Yesterday W was friendly, probably because it was father's day. We went out to breakfast and then went to miniature golf and the swimming pool. I had a great time with the kids at the pool. W just sat alone on a lounge chair the entire time. Nothing new there. When it was time to go, W started getting in a pissy mood because she was hot. Not really my problem...there was a lovely 75 degree swimming pool about 10 feet away!!! When we got home, W made dinner...it was good. Afterwards, I was cleaning up and W told me she'd get it, which was nice.

So....I don't know what to make of things...and I know all these little day-to-day details don't really matter much at this point.

Navy
It sounds like she may not hit rock bottom, but maybe she hit a branch on the way down, and the pain is enough for her to try to grab on to the sides of the pit she is in, and climb up a little.

Ok odd metaphor.

Here is what I really mean, so you backtracked a little. So what, keep finding your non negotiables and keep pushing to get what you want or for her to leave.

Even if you agree to throw her a rope, it's ok to change your mind. She'll demonize you for it, but it's being true to yourself.

Remember she knows you want to be the good guy so she will paint you as the bad guy to get her way, because she knows you'll break at the slightest hint of you being a jerk.

Yet on the other hand you were the "jerk" once and.....she cut down her drinking!!

It may not seem like it but that is huge!

It means that she may be too stubborn to admit she's wrong, but not too stubborn to realize she's about to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.

So she will try to throw you a bone to keep you without having to love you. Don't forget the goal, to get someone (whether it's her or not) who wants to stay with you because they love you.

Good luck!

I meant to say she knows you DONT want to be the bad guy and is exploiting that.

Well, this guy that posted on W's FB keeps coming up...

He continues to post crap on W's FB page.

I asked her who he is last night and she told me a bit about him...then she quickly and abruptly changed the subject to a bug that was walking by.

And either last night or this morning he has apparently gone through all of W's photo albums on FB and "liked" about half of them....including lots of pictures of our kids.

This seems pretty suspect for someone W just met one time two weeks ago.

Either something happened...or she at least gave him the impression that she is "available".

I really feel like I need to confront W about this.

That is about the best you can guess around what this guy's intentions are.

At best, you can let your W know that this guy's attention to your W is making you uncomfortable and you hope she might ask him to stop or block this guy.

Alternately, you can assume the worst and carry on accordingly.

Or...

Let it go...

Your choice.

i know if a bug walked by while i was telling my H something, i would IMMEDIATELY stop talking about it and focus on the bug.

also, if i were just becoming a "friend" on fb with someone, i would probably look at all their photos and "like" them as a way of being friendly. he may have ulterior motives but it could all be innocent.

In this day and age...