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Thanks Brit. I have had so many people say amazing things to me- from people I've known my entire life, to coworkers, to people i have just met. I know I am a good person and I truly believe this really wasn't about something I did. I think that unfortunately his years of sweeping his problems under the rug just finally caught up to him. I really do feel badly for him. Looking back there are absolutely behaviors of my own that I would change, but I don't think those behaviors alone caused this. I'm angry, or maybe dissapointed, that I had to have gone through all of this, but it has helped me grow and shown me my strength and also shown me how many people care about me.

[quote[ Looking back there are absolutely behaviors of my own that I would change, but I don't think those behaviors alone caused this [/quote]

No it wasn't but it's important that recognize the part we played in the breakdown in the R and work on those things so that we can have better R's in the future.

I'm very happy for you. People keep saying to me gosh it's already June. Can't believe 2012 already or whatever. Truth is I feel like I let half the year slip away wallowing in unhappiness. The past month in finding this board has been the most helpful in YEARS.

The anger has turned to disappointment and hopefully it'll turn to acceptance and then maybe at some point we can happy for the time we shared (the good times) and know that the others were needed to bring us to where we are now (in the future)

Please keep posting your revelations and growth will inspire others. I learn so much from everyone.

In terms of being happy for the times we shared- that was IMO the best thing about asking my H to leave and detaching/ ending talks about the R. I was starting to believe all the things he was saying about how bad our R had been over the past 6+ years. Memory is a funny thing and obviously easily influenced. After stopping all the madness, I was able to remember our past the way it was for me, which was that we had a great R, he pushed me to do things I wouldn't have done- or maybe not pushed but supported me so I could, we went on awesome trips, I made so many good friends through him, etc etc.
My counselor said it best, he was like a spinning top and I was watching and getting dizzy. Once I stopped watching I was able to straighten myself out.

Hi Maggie, I love what your counselor said, thank you for sharing. I feel exactly the same... and it is so helpful to read that I am not alone in this. With distance, comes clarity.

Today was H's birthday. I decided not to acknowledge it. A friend called me saying she ran into him- alone getting ice cream. It made me feel really sad and guilty for not sending him a happy birthday text or anything.

Broke down and sent him a happy birthday when I saw him on gchat then I signed off.

Hey Maggie,
If you'd ever like to chat on GChat, my email is mindysgray@gmail.com

Just got this email from my H. I'm so curious to know what he has heard people have said about him. It all must be from his friends and their wives because I haven't said anything negative except to my family and the few friends I have discussed it with, who have not spoken to him.


Hey ,

I'm going to stop by Thursday before volunteering and mow the lawn and whatever else needs to be done out there. Is it long?

Now that school is winding down, can we meet up and try to start figuring things out and what steps need to be taken? Have you thought anymore about the house? I'll keep paying XXXX but I'm not sure how long I can keep that up. I'd like to get out of my mom's house eventually. I'll keep paying that much for now but I may have to drop back to XXXX at some point.

I hope you are doing better and things are going well. It might not seem it but I do want you to be happy. I do feel better about where I'm at and I've heard what people have said about me and I'm ok with it. I don't want to drag it out and I will do everything I can to be amicable in this situation. Just let me know what works for you.

I don't know what the DB coaches would say, but I think sending Happy Birthday text is fine. As long as you aren't pledging your undying love saying HB to someone you spent a good deal of your life with is perfectly acceptable to me.

His email sounds a lot like what H says to me, "It might not seem it...or you may not believe me..or whatever"

You did want to move out and sell so maybe this is good. Make the decisions on your time, don't feel rushed!

Okay- here is my first pass at a response... feel free to make any edits. And obviously this probably isn't what I will be sending just me getting all my anger out

The lawn is not too long. There are also still a lot of ants- can you spray again? Also, did you ever clean that gutter? I notice when it rains it spills out in that corner very heavily. Also, what is going on with that area where you planted hasta? Do you intend on finishing that off? It looks kind of odd.

In terms of the house, I still have not decided what I would like to do. Before we meet I intend of meeting with a lawyer to go over what my rights are in certain things. It is my expectation that if we sell the house I get the XXXX that I paid into the down payment right off the top. The bathroom will also need to be fixed before it goes on the market if we do sell. Other things will need to be done to the house too and my expectation is that you would help with those things, both financially and physically.

Also, in terms of my car, I have documentation of you saying you would be helping me pay for it, from both before it was purchased and from after we separated. I want to see what my rights are in terms of this as well.

I am not doing this to screw you, or get revenge, but I intend on sticking up for myself and what I believe is right in this situation which you brought upon yourself. I am glad you are happy with where you are in life. I am actually doing really well. I have realized through this process just how amazingly strong I am, and how much love and support I have from my friends, family and even colleagues. I'm sorry that people are saying hurtful things about your behaviors. People have been nothing but supportive of me.