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Practice these rules to survive and create hope.

1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off!

2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.

3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, look at your M pictures, etc. Especially, do not get him/her to read the DB/DR book. That is for you only!

4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention.

5. Do not encourage talk about the future. They don't want to think about a future with you at the moment, so stay clear of that subject.

6. Do not ask for help from family members or friends. Don't discuss private matters with them that would upset your spouse.

7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and
being clingy.) Show self-respect and self confidence.

8. Do not buy gifts to make "brownie points". (Can't buy his/her love and affection.)

9. Do not schedule dates together at this point. (That is pursuing.) Save for later when the R is much better.

10.Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.)

11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to
make your spouse say it back to you......he/she will despise you for it.)

12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.

13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice.

14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse to see what kind of mood he/she is in or what he/she is going to do or say – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc. in order to get a life for yourself without waiting on your wife/husband.....but it is okay to invite them, just don't act as if it will change your plans if they do or don't go.

15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative.

16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her
whereabouts, ASK THEM NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! You are giving them space and asking no questions! You enjoy your time with your kids, friends, etc. Remember, you are getting a life, also.

17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an
awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to
move on with your life, with or without your spouse.

18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait
to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it.

19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.

20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until
your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)so this takes patient on your behalf.

21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight.

22.Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill; in anything you do b/c it will come across as fake.

23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) Only they know how they feel!

24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works!

25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying.

26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to
speak out (or scream and yell).

27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all
the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake.

28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self
help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. They are for you only.

29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT
actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say
or write.

30.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy. This is a large turn-off for your spouse.

31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse, instead, focus on them.

32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because
he/she is hurting and scared.

33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

34.Do not ask your spouse if he/she has noticed your changes. Those changes are for you and for the rest of your life...with or without your spouse. If it is just to get your spouse back...they won't last and the same problems will return.

35.Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary.

36. It is best to stay away from the bar scenes where other problems easily arise.

37. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes

I'd like to try the coaching but right now the budget can not afford it.
Getting the creditors to stop calling is putting me and the W in lots of unnecessary stress. Should be better in a couple of weeks.
For the last 4 days I've been very good at giving her space, but noticed W has been really showing a cold shoulder.

I do want to add that yesterday was spectacular!
I had an awesome job interview and reconnected with an old co-worker that went to the same church I'm looking to join and he had a similar situation as me about five years ago. We talked for a long time and we are looking forward to the next chance we get together. I feel blessedro have him as a friend!

Today was interesting, I got a new hair cut and the salon stylist and I are working into a new hair style. But as I slept and awoke I noticed that the W didn't get out much today? That seemed different.
I'm wondering if she got some results about her mole removal, because I saw on the caller ID the dermatologist called.

5-26 Sunday
Worked last night but got off a few minutes early, came home quickly and changed then left right away to go meet an old coworker for some spiritual help and shared my marriage problems and caught up sharing stories. Got home about noon and got a hour and a half sleep still pretty tired. Noticed W didn't go for her walk yet today and was laying on the couch and on her phone. After my nap I noticed she resigned her words with friends game with me. Decided to do a little yard work and go for a bike ride to read DR book. I got back talked with our oldest about going to MIL campsite tomorrow, made a bite to eat and noticed W went out for a walk, noticed her walking shoes gone. Went to bed and slept until 10:30p. 
When I woke up and made some coffee W got ready for bed, not a word spoken today. I put a rose on her pillow and straightened the bed only to find out Gadget our dog chewed it up  while W was taking a shower. Quickly got another, though it wasn't as nice as the first from our garden and kept the dog out of the bedroom and cleaned up the mess. 

Just a little tap with a 2x4-Where in the 37 suggestions does it say Put a rose on her pillow?

Hope you get good news about the job.

Leave her to her choices. Keep your focus on you.

I did the bed and and the roses just because I was in a very good mood for a change. I felt like sharing that with the W.

W went for her walk before going to church and I planted the orchid I gave her a couple of weeks earlier in one of the rear deck planters. Also I made the bed nicely and put another rose on her pillow. 
Then the oldestst son and I loaded up the car to go up to the campsite where I picked up my youngest son and the three of us went fishing. Taught the oldest how to unhook the caught fish and put them back. Both boys and myself enjoyed the time, caught and released lots of fish. MIL came over and watched for awhile then took the boys to the pool while I took a nap back at the trailer.  When they got back the youngest wanted to go home. Left after 7 hours up there. 

Ok it's been a while and it's not going well. I've given up on the DB'ing as it seems she knows exactly what I'm doing and when I show happiness she is cruel and going forth with her affair. But when I'm depressed she is almost the opposite.
I've given myself to God and started my life as a Christian with the help of a couple of old friends.
Now she has drawn up a seperation agreement that I feel is needed myself now to get away from her mind games. But there is no way in our finances that we can afford to do. We are so far in debt, we can not afford to seperate let alone her money management.

Her money management her problem.... let her see what life alone is like....

I hired a pr person to filter nearly all communication through... that so far has the greatest affect on my wife... that way I can respond rather than react.

By all means if she is not doing what YOU want.

Quit.

Is that what you meant when you said your vows?

"I'll love you all the days of my life

Until

I don't get what I want.

Unless

You get scared and lose your way.

Then

I won't"

I am not going to convince you to want to save your M

You have to decide why you are here

What are you prepared to do for your M if the condition of it being saved is not guaranteed?

This is for YOU not her.

Why would YOU want to try and save the marriage?

Don't let what your W is choosing right now be an excuse for you to fail.

P.S. You should change your sig line. "H" here usually means husband and if that is what you meant that is cool too. If not it can be confusing.