Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DH has left me and 2 Kids - Baby #3 Due in 3 Weeks

I honestly don't think he will realise just how much I have done in this marriage for him, until he has to do it for himself!

I am in confusion about how to deal with MLC stuff, because of the added complication of baby coming very soon!

I currently can't GAL as such, although my pre-occupation is with the kids and baby and therefore I don't even have time to think about WAH!

I maintain friendly acquaintence stance, but he still has certain expecations of me, which I am trying to break. Do you respond to a MLC every whim, or do you say "actually, remember you have chosen to not be with me, so therefore you need to not-be-with- me".

He expects me to still attend to his needs, when I need to attend to mine and those of the children.

I have to play things so carefully at the moment and just get through the next few weeks with the birth. I am sure that whilst we are currently maintaining some sort of status quo now, there is going to be some slide back soon from either one of us.

Why would you attend to his needs?

He is cake eating if that is the case and you should not permit it.

Worry about you the children and the one on the way, let him worry about his needs.
When he left that is what he was doing anyways, right?

You need to detach from him as much as possible.

Set some boundaries that YOU can enforce and stick to them.

Keep posting, you may be off moderation now.

I am going to need a formal decision from WAH a couple of weeks after the baby is born as to what his intentions are. At the moment as far as I am concerned, he is leaving me to be with OW. However, when this first came out before I knew about OW, he asked me what I wanted him to do. I'd told him it had to be his decision, and if he left he had to tell the kids. He was just worried about not having anywhere to live.

Then he said he was spending sometime with "a male friend" who turned out to be OW and he has been flitting between "home" and OW since. He has not told the kids of any decisions as yet.

I don't want it to come across as pushing an ultimatum (I know the answer is going to be her anyway) and I am not doing it to force him into a decision about our marriage. I don't want the door to be shut, I hope I am following LRT correctly. However, I need to know for the purpose of being able to claim financial support as a single parent.

Please can someone advise how to play it?

Also am I ok to say to him when he comes back to me and asks if I can sort out everything relating to his business accounts that "I am sorry, but you wanted to have your own life and part of that is figuring this stuff out yourself"?

See a L NOW, before the baby arrives, to figure out child support.

Hi, sorry I didn't see anyone had replied, so may have repeated myself in a later post.

Believe me I don't intend to meet his needs! I am honestly detached, it's just some of the advice re MLC I was getting confused with i.e. the waiting game, letting them come to you, be a listening ear etc.

I want to say to him basically, you have decided you no longer want me as your wife, and therefore the things you are asking me to do are no longer my responsibility!

If this is what I should be doing at this stage then I sure am happy to do it!!

Hi verab754!

This may come up in future posts, so I just want to be clear, because UK law works VERY differently to US laws (and state by state laws?).

I have already received my free hour advice with a lawyer (or a Solicitor in the UK), so I understand much of my rights currently. There are things that I may or may not be seen to be doing that would be highly recommended (or not) in a legal sense in the US that isn't necessarily applicable under our laws.

I don't want posters to think that I am ignoring any recommendations to seek legal advice, it's just that the legal processes seem to be quite different.

At this stage, for example, it is not necessary for me to get legal advice for child support as we would apply to the child support agency to receive due maintenance. However, the courts (government) do prefer that couples where possible can sort such matters out between them before it gets into the legal system. I am trying to put off paying legal fees for as long as possible!

Speak with actions not words.
Yes I think you are on the right track but it may be better to just not say those words and do it through your actions instead.

When you speak to him now you are more likely to get a monster response.

If you can handle that it is OK.

My suggestion is just to say nothing.

Yes you do need boundaries and child support.

If you must speak keep at all keep it business like, when you listen validate what he says.

Short sweet and to the point.

Hope that helps.

Thank you! I understand! I have been speaking with actions not words, it's just when he VERBALLY asks me if I can sort the accounts, or texts me to ask.

I guess "sorry, I can't help" is sufficient?

Or... I was going to say but couldn't ETA if he doesn't ask me directly but just tries to tell me all the problems he is having getting someone to look at them...

"Oh dear!"