Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Married 2 years, husband doesn't feel "spark."

Thank you. I am going to try my best to control myself. I'm going to smile. He used to always ask me to smile, and I'd always so no. Why should I force it? I was never happy, but deep down, I was happy. I just never showed it. I'm going to now. I'm going to cook the food I want to eat. I'm going to clean up when something is a mess. I am not going to talk about the relationship we have or don't have. I'm going to annoy or pester or pressure him.

I want to go to the library next week and get a library card and read.
I want to go to the gym at least twice a week.
I want to go hiking on Tuesday evening.
I am getting together with various friends after work throughout the week.
I am going to see what classes I can take to keep myself busy.
A friend invited me into Brooklyn on the weekend to hang out.

I have things to do for myself.

Marriage counseling is Wednesday night, so I am looking forward to that, but I am nervous.

I can't wait to talk to the DB coach on Monday.

Good for you!

Put Codependent No More at the top of your reading list.

Thank you, labug.
I hope my library has it. Otherwise I'll get it on Amazon.

I need to learn how to not being so dependent.

How do you guys get over the memories? That's the hardest thing. Looking back at our pictures together. Our smiles and the fun we had together.

Stop looking at them.

And when I'm not looking at them, the thoughts? Being in the apartment. Just all of the memories. I can't get them out of my head.

You will have to make the decision to stop winding yourself up like this. You can stop looking at these pictures right now. Why are you doing it if it only makes you feel worse?

You are clinging to an M that does not necessarily exist anymore. One of the first steps of going through DB is to accept that the R that you had is over. Any R going forward would be a new R/M. That is part of letting go/detaching. It is largely for your sanity.

Take a deep breath and go out for a long walk today. What are you doing for yourself today that doesn't revolve around thinking about your H or your M?

I stopped looking at the pictures.

I initiated a conversation with him before, but just talked about everything but relationship, like, what we did this week. It was pleasant.

Is it ok to talk to him as I'd talk to a friend even if I initiate the conversation?

How is he going to miss you if you keep initiating conversations with him?