The hardest thing is to detach from them. I have heard it also from my W, dont get your hopes up,I'm sorry, I dont want to torture you like this anymore. We have been separated for 11 months. I moved out for 3 then came back. I try to stay away from her when we are at home, but we have a 5 year old and we eat dinner together. Really hard.
M 43 W 35 S 6 BD 7-11 Served 5-2-13 Sep agree signed 5-12-14 Wife moves out pending refinance 5-14-14 Divorce hearing set May 2 Divorced May 2
Am so grateful for this thread! I find myself thinking about it when my thoughts go negative.
I wanted to ask if you could explain a little more about what you said to sophiedaphne about believing nothing that they say and half of what they do.
Like her my H says nothing can be done to save the M and also he knows he made mistakes but has no Ill will towards me.
So does that mean I should not believe that?
And when he lied about the OW should I have actually known ( if i had been DBing at the time) he was lying at the time???
Thanks. You are a rock here
Why are you asking me difficult questions on a Friday? lol
I'm trying to think of a clever response.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
The hardest thing is to detach from them. I have heard it also from my W, dont get your hopes up,I'm sorry, I dont want to torture you like this anymore. We have been separated for 11 months. I moved out for 3 then came back. I try to stay away from her when we are at home, but we have a 5 year old and we eat dinner together. Really hard.
It is difficult to detach. Have you ever heard the line, "slow is fast and fast is slow"?
That's why it is so important to drop the rope and detach. Until we detach, we are standing in our S's way to (in their minds) happiness. The sooner they are allowed to take their journey without us standing in the way, the sooner they get to experience reality without us. Until that takes place, we do not know what that reality is and our WAS's may never let us in for us to know what it is.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Early in my sitch, my W told me that she didn't get my humor and she never did. Ironically I had many text messages and emails from her that included (LOL/LMAO/haha). She even told me later that her co-workers knew when she would receive an email from because she would be laughing and still told me that she didn't get my humor. They will say anything to be cruel and make us go away.
As for believe only half of what you see. My W projected that she was happy over the last few months, but in reality she was not happy at all. I know because she told me today that she had been unhappy for awhile. Wonder if I am supposed to believe what she told me. lol
Like us LBS, the WASs will act "as if" as well.
Still not the greatest answer for you bustingout. Just wanted to give you a couple of examples.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I guess I understand about saying anything to be cruel to make us go away. I certainly have heard more than my fair share of that over the past 1.5 years.
I guess I am still unclear about half of what you see. So if I see him happy I should know a lot of it is false bravado?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
After putting a little more thought into it. To me, that line means proceed with caution.
We don't know why our spouses do some of the things they do. It could be because they care or it could be them being manipulative. Afterall, they are living in their own fantasy.
That's why we should keep our expectations at 0.
I think if we take that line literal, we try to determine what is true and what is not. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. Do what is within our own control.
Hope this helps.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
At this point in time, I prefer keeping zero expectations. And I prefer Thinking everything is manipulation rather than care. I know that sounds really negative, but it keeps me focused and not in lala land. He already is in fantasy land. And I don't want to be whipped around with his bs anymore.
I want control.
Thank u LITB for putting your thoughts into this.
Very much appreciated :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
