Also starting next week, D13 is in a summer program and needs to be there at 8:30am. Her aunt is going to pick her up from my house to take her. So if the W isn't at my house at 8:00am, as we have previously discussed over a month ago when we setup our visitation agreement, the W's sister is going to have to make arrangements for D3 and D4.
I have told W many times that I can drive by her apartment on the way to work and don't mind dropping them off so she doesn't have to come to my house, but she refuses. Most likely because OM is there and knows I will get upset if I see his car when I drop them off. I told her I would meet her in the parking lot, etc.
What to do?
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
I do agree with you, verab, on giving it time. She could just be running late.
My POV when it comes to kids, though, is "how would I act in this situation if this were just a friend helping me with my kids?" I wouldn't be afraid to call them if they were late and find out where they are. In fact, I would find it silly NOT to call them to find out where they are. Those are my kids. They're still MY responsibility.
But if you think D13 is going to be fine watching them then the call is up to you.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
How about this? Next Monday night, I will send her this text:
"If you like, I can drop off D3 and D4 at your apartment on Tuesday and Thursday mornings on my way to work. I will call you from the playarea at your apartment when I arrive and we can exchange them then. Or your sister can drop them off when she drops off D13."
D13's summer program is about 1/4 mile down the street from W apartment. W's sister also passes by W apartment on her way to work.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
I am not going to say anything. I talked to SIL that she might have to watch D3 and D4 if W isn't there when she picks up D13. She assured me she would take care of them and make sure W knows how mad she is.
So I am not going to make a problem out of it. I will let SIL do that. Detach/dim.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
She assured me she would take care of them and make sure W knows how mad she is.
This still sounds like you're trying to teach W a lesson. Why does SIL need to let your W know how mad she is?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I would think if I contacted W regarding this, I would be trying to control the W and her actions.
If the W is irresponsible enough to not show up on time, is it my problem? It is her choice and she has to learn that I will not be there to fix her problems for her.
Maybe this week was a one-time mistake. I am not going to jump to conclusions and rush in to fix things.
What SIL does I cannot control.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Well it is only your problem when it affects you. If D13 comes to you and asks for help on this. Then its your problem. The rest should be left between wife and sil. I would treat it as a non issue and continue to make sure you meet your commitments to any agreements and to your children on your time with them.
It's part of that Mr. Fix-it that you need to work on.
Kind of like the candy question.
The candy should be a non issue. As it is an issue with bad behavior. Candy should not be a reward for normal behavior, nor denied for bad behavior. Remove it from the equation.
Notice what your daughter is doing when she is being bad. Notice if there are any patterns. Teach her that emotional manipulation does not work.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
