Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Question for those who have been divorced.

"should" is the key word. i don't feel as if i'm on a team. i'm alone here.

my main point is to have a happy life, what's left of it. i don't have a lot of time left. do i continue trying to "stand" for this marriage when he isn't (or at least he's not now) or do i move on?

i'm changing and have changed. he's changing, too. but will it be enough? what kind of person would not feel bad about me being alone on a holiday weekend? i can see by our credit card account transactions he bought new clothes on friday. he also bought something from a bait store so he has plans for the weekend. he has family. he has friends. this person claims to love me "very, very much".

maybe some times, they are not good enough for US...?

and, maybe we would be happier sooner if we recognized that they are not good enough for us SOONER?

Everyone has their own time lines. There is a friend of mine on mid-life crisis who hung in there I believe for at least 5 years and her H has slowly come around during that time.

You have to decide. No one can do it for you. I have 4 kids so there wasn't even a possibility that I wouldnt fight hard. I tried everything I could think of. I didn't save my marriage, he went on to marry the OW and I went on to find myself again. I am happy with me but know I need to push myself to get out and meet people. My kids are very supportive of that.

Know what you can live with.

kat

maybe they aren't good enough for us...

maybe it is a moot statement


you do what you can do for however long you can do it

if you are truly done trying...why are you posting on here asking if you can be?

who are we to give you permission?

i'm not looking for permission. i'm sorry you feel that way. i was looking for reflections and experiences.

i don't know if i'm truly done. i'm not asking if i can be. i'm exploring what others have gone through and asking for insights into their journeys.

isn't that what these forums are for? it sounds as if i've upset you? i didn't mean to.

No. True growth is painful. And it made me what I am today.

So no. Suffering??!!! Pffttt ...

Steel gets hardened in the fire.

thanks, drew! i like your attitude!

SS...it just sounds like you are really really angry

if you are still this angry then maybe you aren't done

you are acting like this is something they are doing TO us...as if everything in life is fair

but all things in life aren't fair or equal and only we know ourselves enough to know when we have done all that we can do and only we know when we are at peace with where we are

when we are at peace with ourselves, the anger and feelings of not fair, aren't there (or at least they weren't there for me...I can feel angry at things that have been done but it doesn't feel personal...like he picked ME out to do this to and how dare he do this to ME)

OK. My first big regret is actually moving out. I thought, incorrectly, that she'd beg to have me back within a couple of months. Turns out within four months she had a boyfriend.

Looking back, I'm still torn. Part of me wished as soon as another man was in the picture -- even though she swore he was just a friend -- I would have filed for divorce.

BUT, and this is a big BUT, I did not do the divorcing. She did. And my daughters know I wanted to work it out and this was their mother's decision. And that's going to remain true for the rest of their lives.

Now, one thing I am sure of is that once the divorce was filed I should have pushed it along. I did not lift a finger until it was 14 months into the process. Once I began pushing to finish it it was over in two months.

I do wish I'd done that.

Thank you, CTH. good to get your perspective.
Yes, figg, you are correct. I am still angry, some days much more than others. If losing my anger is the signal that I'm truly done, then I would not be.

Your insight is helpful. I don't think life is fair. I truly wish it were but I've been through a lot and know better. What I wish for more than fairness is gratitude and I've been sorely disappointed in that "expectation". So, that will have to go but what goes with it is my generosity. However, most of my generosity came from a self-imposed feeling of obligation. So, it's a good thing overall.