Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 12 1 2 8 9 10 11 12
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 127
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 127
Any Chance only YOU know the answer to all the above questions....

Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
~
Member
Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
fair enough, ac! grin

At least you can be proud to call yourself a fool, if she is fool enough to not consider R with you... cool

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,748
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,748
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem

At least you can be proud to call yourself a fool, if she is fool enough to not consider R with you... cool


Well said, KD! (I thought you were going into semi-retirement confused laugh)

AC, you have done a good job of leaving the door open for her. Just continue to live your life, buddy.


BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
~
Member
Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
jb... this IS semi-retirement for me... lol... I only post about 30 times a day instead of 60... grin

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
Half way through xW's visit, and I am more confused than ever. Either she is heartlessly using me as a doormat, or she is confused as to what she wants. I am waiting for the shoe to drop any day now. I am being relaxed and the best I can be...no stress, no pursuit, no drama....just being a good guy, and treating her with respect and admiration as I always have (OK, so there were times I lost sight....)

Who knows where this is going? Must keep a PMA.....

Is this as bizarre as I think it is? Anyone else's XW come to visit for 10 days, including a visit to my mother this weekend?

Just confused and concerned, I guess. Don't like feeling like a fool....


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
~
Member
Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Likes: 1
I'm seriously putting Brit45 up on a pedestal, but I think (especially as a WAS who is now wanting to R) that her list (like Sandi2's 37 rules) is an AWESOME basis on how to be a friend.

I think your W (like most of our spouses) believes she wants to be friends. And I think that is a great thing for us to do and I suspect that's how you want to come across, AC. Unless your motivations really were something different to have offered her to stay at your place.

Originally Posted By: Brit45
He said I was his best friend and we would always be friends. So here's my rules to be his friend:

+ Friends don't sabotage the other's relationships.
+ Friends don't flirt with each other.
+ Friends don't sleep with each other.
+ Friends want the best for that person.
+ They're happy for the other's achievements.
+ Friends aren't jealous of one another.
+ Friends don't have an agenda.
+ Friends don't try to push their wishes/hopes/dreams/opinions onto that of the other.
+ A Friend listens more than talks.
+ A friend tries to understand where you're coming from instead of telling you why you're wrong.
+ A friend never says I told you so.

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
Thanks, Kaffe

Four more days left in xW visit. Today we go see my mother for a couple of days. She is clearly enjoying being back here, seeing friends and having a good time. Not sure where I figure into the whole scenario....seems glad to see me, and seems to be enjoying out time together....she has commented how 'normal' it feels....I am just trying to be a nice guy, taking the high road, and being myself....not pursuing, not crowding, just being....

Who knows what this all means. She is living in another state for at least the next seven months, if not permanently. Maybe this visit will give her something to think about.

No expectations. Trying not think too hard.


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 622
One more day left of xW 10 day visit. Just got back from 2 days with my elderly mother, and visiting with my sister. xW says she had a great time. Says she has been having fun all week.

Got in some serious conversation on the way home. xW is moving forward, almost off her AD drugs, feeling better, moving ahead. Says she realizes she has lots of good friends here, loves the place, the house, her old job (she is on a leave right now).

Also told me she is very compatible with the new OM, and is going to give it time to work out over the next several months. She is spending about half time in her new city and about half time in his town.

Seems pretty clear to me that she wants nothing to do with me, that I am a thing of her past. Yet she wants to see me over the summer. This thing is tearing a hole in my heart big time. But I will not let it show. I am on the high road. Being the new me. Being the guy she would be crazy to leave. Leaving the door open a crack but having no expectations.

Strong face. Proud exterior. Internally destroyed. Very, very wounded. Wonder if this will ever end. Beginning to doubt it.


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
I dunno AC? You been at this for awhile. I hate to see you getting hurt all over. This is hard stuff but you have to let go and I don't think you have. Drop the rope. Let her go in your heart. She isn't yours anymore. Take care my friend


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,108
Wow...I stopped by this thread and I'm being quoted.
I don't know your xW obviously but what I wonder is if this visit is satisfying her fix. She has moved on her in her words, but chose to stay with you almost assuming her entire R with you without the sex or the commitment.

Perhaps she still wants to know it's there if she ever needed/wanted it. Perhaps she missed it but wants to cake eat.

Like I've said in my posts I didn't miss it until it was gone, and it was gone gone not in a I'll always be there for you in that way all the time. If he'd dropped plans for me all the time then maybe I wouldn't have had to face "life without him for real."

But aside from wondering what's going on in her head, Rick is right you have protect you. If she's wants to be your friend then she has to be a friend to you as well. And if a friend says this isn't working for me then a good friend respects that.

So have a think about this visit and if it's left you not as stable pre visit then put your foot down regarding this summer.

Page 10 of 12 1 2 8 9 10 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5