Autumn... I evaluated Cozi, and it looks AMAZING> The only issue I had w/it is... I keep EVERYTHING on my calendar, and I didn't see how to import it to my iPhone calendar, so all of my boys activities were on my calendar, all together. I certainly don't want xH seeing my activities, so I couldn't tie it together.
Let me know if you figure it out...
My boys are like yours, pretty busy and scheduled... I export my google calendar, and delete my activites, reformat, and send it to xH now. Monthly. Takes a few hours...
And, I make sure he's on every email list for every team for ever school event. That way if it changes... NOT MY PROBLEM TO UPDATE THE CALENDAR!
We do pretty good now. You'll get there.
The key is minimizing contact during this icky time.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mindfull, we're not allowed to post links here, but if you google "how to import cozi to iPhone calendar", the first few links will show you how to do it, I think.
I am going to see about importing into my iPhone as well. I think it is a great option. I sent it to STBX and he agreed, will wonders never cease haha!
Thanks Val! So good to hear from you! I do think he will eventually crash and burn, it is very sad really.
It's funny you asked about the negative feelings and anger. I just called a new IC yesterday and they are working with my insurance to get me in ASAP. I know that I will need it during this time. In the meantime I am implementing the 24 hour rule you mentioned earlier. I read an email from him this morning that pushed just about every button I have (he knows my buttons and I sure it was intentional). I closed it out and focused on work, I will not respond today. If I still feel the need tomorrow, then I will address it.
I took a long lunch today and went for a haircut, got a cute new cut and feel good. I think being good to myself is going to help. Whether it is a mani/pedi, going to the gym, etc. I will be good to myself as much as possible.
Thanks Val! So good to hear from you! I do think he will eventually crash and burn, it is very sad really.
Yes it will be.. so keep You feeling sad for him at the forefront of your mind. Not to stop him from feeling the consequences of his actions...
but the "I told you so's" or "That's what happens" won't do you any good. Leave the preaching and the lesson teaching to the man upstairs.
Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves
It's funny you asked about the negative feelings and anger. I just called a new IC yesterday and they are working with my insurance to get me in ASAP. I know that I will need it during this time. In the meantime I am implementing the 24 hour rule you mentioned earlier.
Good. Let the emotions settle. 24-48 hrs is about my usual currently but at one point.. I would let wks pass.
The thing is you cannot make yourself feel or get over your feelings any faster than what will be. So be kind to yourself and know that you are doing what's best for the BOTH of you by not reacting.
Originally Posted By: Autumn Leaves
I read an email from him this morning that pushed just about every button I have (he knows my buttons and I sure it was intentional).
Tread carefully with this kind of thinking. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I think (and I'm purely speculating) that the more you change the dynamic.. the more that you will see that its more split between intentional button pushing/how the relationship was built.
I sometimes feels my w pushes my buttons intentionally.. but that's how I feel. I can't say for 100% certain because I'm not in her head. I don't know her fears or feelings.. etc.
All I know is that my buttons are being pushed.. so that's what I focus on. It doesn't matter WHY she is pushing them.. it only matters how I handle it.
Make sense?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Tread carefully with this kind of thinking. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I think (and I'm purely speculating) that the more you change the dynamic.. the more that you will see that its more split between intentional button pushing/how the relationship was built.
I sometimes feels my w pushes my buttons intentionally.. but that's how I feel. I can't say for 100% certain because I'm not in her head. I don't know her fears or feelings.. etc.
All I know is that my buttons are being pushed.. so that's what I focus on. It doesn't matter WHY she is pushing them.. it only matters how I handle it.
Make sense?
Makes very good sense and you are absolutely right. I tend to go there because much of my marriage was built on manipulation and control. But I am changing that now, so there is no point in going there at all.
Finally talked to the L last night and she agrees that something needs to be done now. She is going to file a petition but with the holiday weekend feels like we won't know more until Tuesday. She is filing for the temporary financial agreement.
As for the custody/visitation, she suggested that I stop leaving every other weekend and let him figure out where he will see the kids. It is too confusing for the kids, and apparently for STBX. He still has yet to take anything but his clothes and keeps telling people that this is not happening and he will be moving home. I am guessing this is based on past when he could confuse me or control me into his way of thinking, with no apologies or remorse.
I heard from the new IC this morning and she scheduled me for the 4th, due to the holiday week too. If she has a cancellation she will call me. I am good with that. I am lucky to have a very strong support system in the meantime.
Last night was S18 bday celebration at the Sixers playoff game. It was fun and glad we did it, but STBX was clearly using it as a way to manipulate me further. We were sitting apart with the kids between us and he maneuvered his way next to me. When I got up to go downstairs, he insisted on going with me rather than staying with the boy. I thought it was a one time thing but he did it again later in the evening.
When he was leaving he finally got to have that cigar with S18 and it was getting late so I was trying to round the boys up. STBX started looking at the floor and getting mopey, said he is not doing very well. I replied "it takes time, you will be ok" I didn't want to get into that conversation and tried to keep it light and shut the door. He responded "thats what they say but I don't know"
I simply said "drive carefully, see you soon"
I am guessing once he hears from his L all of that will change. I am just tired of the manipulation and sad that I let it happen for all of those years, now that I see it I am amazed.
Finally talked to the L last night and she agrees that something needs to be done now. She is going to file a petition but with the holiday weekend feels like we won't know more until Tuesday. She is filing for the temporary financial agreement.
As for the custody/visitation, she suggested that I stop leaving every other weekend and let him figure out where he will see the kids. It is too confusing for the kids, and apparently for STBX. He still has yet to take anything but his clothes and keeps telling people that this is not happening and he will be moving home. I am guessing this is based on past when he could confuse me or control me into his way of thinking, with no apologies or remorse.
I heard from the new IC this morning and she scheduled me for the 4th, due to the holiday week too. If she has a cancellation she will call me. I am good with that. I am lucky to have a very strong support system in the meantime.
Last night was S18 bday celebration at the Sixers playoff game. It was fun and glad we did it, but STBX was clearly using it as a way to manipulate me further. We were sitting apart with the kids between us and he maneuvered his way next to me. When I got up to go downstairs, he insisted on going with me rather than staying with the boy. I thought it was a one time thing but he did it again later in the evening.
When he was leaving he finally got to have that cigar with S18 and it was getting late so I was trying to round the boys up. STBX started looking at the floor and getting mopey, said he is not doing very well. I replied "it takes time, you will be ok" I didn't want to get into that conversation and tried to keep it light and shut the door. He responded "thats what they say but I don't know"
I simply said "drive carefully, see you soon"
I am guessing once he hears from his L all of that will change. I am just tired of the manipulation and sad that I let it happen for all of those years, now that I see it I am amazed.
