Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I just want to be friends...Pt2

Having a pet definitely helps. Some days I really don't want to get out of bed, but with the constant meowing for breakfast, it's easier to just get up and get my day started. For some reason, she doesn't like me to get into bed during the day (discovered this when I was sick with a cold) so I keep myself up and busy.

Thanks YC! I will check them out.

On a positive note H cleaned up the kitchen and put away dinner while I took a long hot shower. I thanked him for that because that was awesome. I even got him a beer! Lol! I will look over those links and post my thoughts!

Hi Yankee

sorry for not getting back to you in so long, been really up against it with my finals at uni - got 1 more essay that's due in tomorrow - and another 2000 words still to do - a late night is in store

Your project sounds like a really good idea and I hate saying no to people I like, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable being photographed or taking other people's pictures in that context. I'm sorry Yankee, I hope you understand.

You've been away from these boards almost as long as me lately, so I'm hoping you'll check in soon. I'm going to try & do a journal entry today (condensed version) & hope I get some good advice about what's been happening in my sitch, particularly this morning...

Take care YC

Bill

Hi everyone,

Yes, I've been away for a while, just getting on with my own life and producing some lovely work. (BTW Bill - not to worry and thanks for responding. I appreciate your honesty:)

I moved and things went well. My place is coming along nicely. I'm settling in. Since then a few interesting developments.

My H and I see each other once a week - approximately. It all started because I was going a bit nuts without sex. One evening, I called to ask what was going on with him and it all started off well, and then when I asked him over for dinner. He said no AGAIN!

Boy, that did it for me. I was like, Fine!! I'm throwing in the towel now - nothing to lose at this point. So I told him I have my needs and I was tired of being physically alone. I don't ask him because I'm fed up with the rejection. So, instead I needed to find someone else to satisfy my needs. We ended up having a conversation that lasted hours it seemed - lots of emotion, and honesty and it was just real.

After that conversation, a part of me did throw in the towel. I was getting myself ready to just move on emotionally, and started to make my plans.

A week later he suggested he come over. It was a truly wonderful, long passionate night. Exactly what I wanted. He left afterwards - which I was perfectly comfortable with.

However, the last time he was here he was like, "We're not even together..." and then 2 hours later, we are having S again. He constantly puts up barriers to keep himself safe and distant I realise.

Now, the strange thing is that he got in touch with my parents to have dinner with them. Ages ago he told me he wanted to do that to 'clear his name' seeing as he was the one who left and he wanted to put across his side of the story to preserve his reputation. He hates being seen as the bad guy.

My parents have agreed to have dinner with him, and my mother told me that he doesn't know what's coming if he thinks they are just going to sit there and listen to him whine. They happen to hold strong marriage values.

Now this has actually been pissing me off since my mother told me. My H didn't even bother to tell me!! What makes him think he can talk to my family and leave me out of it? I haven't said anything to him but I told my mother that I'm not happy about it. What kind of game is this??

He went away this weekend and he sent me a text saying, "Thanks for teaching me so many interesting cultural things over the years." It came totally out of the blue. I of course thanked him for such a wonderful compliment. Nothing else all weekend after that. Like the radio waves went dead.

Every so often he lets his true emotions out - which are all love - but just not too long. I feel I just get these morsels of warmth and then he snatches it back - it's so damn confusing!! It's doing my head in.

But really, this thing with my parents is what is getting to me. They have dinner on Thursday and my mother will tell me all about it no doubt.

Once again, I'm thinking of moving on because this is too damn confusing for my head to cope with.

If anyone else has any other perspective, please do share.

Thanks!

i think you're married to my husband! he does the same thing; move in close, turn around and run! sends me complimentary texts and then...nothing! it's so darn crazy and frustrating.

my opinion about him speaking to your parents is, go ahead and let him. i'm sure your parents can hold their own with him and it's a good way for you to get information about what's going on in his head without having to ask. Lord knows that's the only way you'll get it since he's so much like mine.

YC!
I haven't responded to one of your posts in a loooong time!
I'm so glad you are enjoying your new place. Good for you! I wanted to move out when all this began because I wanted to start fresh. Instead I painted and rearranged furniture.

Dinner with your parents...He really does have issues looking like the bad guy. Sounds like my H too (or three?).

This is why I think he won't come back. Too much guilt on my Hs part. He knows how bad he messed up and feels as though he should be punished. He actually told me that it's ok for me to let out my anger on him since he deserves it... ok...

Anyways, be careful with the sex. It doesn't help with detachment.

Take care!

Thanks!! Yes, I'm letting them just get on with it and have their dinner. I don't have the energy at this point to care too much as I have come down with a second cold in the last 3 months. I never used to get colds - like ever! So, I'm clearly runned down a bit.

Scared, it's tough isn't it! I just don't know what more I can do at this point. My hat goes off to you for hanging in there.

Vero, I hear you on the detachment front. Thanks for the tip.

Hi Bill,

WOW - thanks so much for your feedback! I haven't been on board for a little while due to School work as well, and things that need to be done. It was also good to just have a general break. I'll have a look at your sitch as well and see how you are going.

I really wanted to hear this from a male perspective because sometimes I feel like I just don't understand it.

I know I should look more at action than really listen to the words - women are slightly different in that regard.

You are absolutely correct - he is not ready to move on either, and said so at some point recently as well. So, in that regard, his words definitely match his actions.

And, what is particularly interesting is your interpretation of what might really be a motivation for the dinner with my parents. Yes, my parents both know what I have been through and it's been no bed of roses. In fact, my whole class knows! I've cried plenty and my whole project is about this subject....which incidentally is some of the best work I've done because it's all heart. In fact, my whole class can't believe the transformation my work has taken - which is a whole new direction.

Thanks for your encouragement to hang in there, because I sometimes feel like such a FOOL in love. When all is said and done, yeah, I do love him.

Thanks again for your feedback - I do appreciate it greatly!

Hey no probs Yankee, good to speak to you again.

Yeah, your H's probably doing some head scratching about what's been happening with you guys lately.

I think what I didn't pick up on your other post was this...



When you threw that out there to your H, that would have made him picture you with another man... And whatcha know, he tries for a week to get his head round it & can't.

Just keep going at things at your own pace YC, I see similarities with my sitch, these things are just going to cycle for a while, until they become clearer for both of you, whatever the outcome.

Bill