Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The WAW who stood still (can he catch up already?)

brit-

i am sorry to hear this. bond is right about your husband. he needs time and you have to respect that. he doesnt trust you and thats going to take a long time to earn it back. my W is having an A with a CW right now. i dont know if i will ever trust her again. i want to, but she needs to prove it to me. he is also kind of a LBS. you need to prove it to him.

keep your head up!

I think he sees it as too far gone and is sad about that.

I am going to get locked out soon so will ponder a new thread title.

For the record it wasn't an affair. I met cw after the separation. But I think this is a line in the sand thing. I've slept with someone else that's it for him.
I don't know if it's mendable.

I don't recommend telling him that...ever.

See you can't keep justifying it.

You were still married right? You slept with another guy while married against the wishes of your H. That's an affair and that's how he sees it.

In fact, this is what you posted way in the beginning...
"Actually now that I think about it. I may have decided it was fine to see other people and never really had a discussion with him about it."

So again you did what you wanted to do without thinking that he had feelings. In fact if you read the posts where you are talking about his GF, you refer to her like she's the OW. So in a sense you see this as an A as well.

Bottom line is that it is mendable but you have to start putting yourself in your H's shoes.

He knew about CW from date one. He texted before a date to say have a treat time you're the most interesting person he'll ever meet! Own that! But I know you're saying it didn't stop the hurt. I don't see his GF as an affair. But we are different people.

Okay so that was written before I read Bond's comment.

When I put myself in his position I would never give me another chance. I hate who I was when I had those blinders on the first few months of our separation. I was self destructive and very unhappy.

You are arguing semantics. You were still married right?

"He knew about CW from date one."

Doesn't make it right. And besides, what could he have done to stop you?

"He texted before a date to say have a treat time you're the most interesting person he'll ever meet!"

The fact that he actually texted you beforehand shows he was bothered by it.

"Own that!"

So you can either spend your time arguing over this, or actually learn from what is being said and start practicing it.

I think you're both on the same page now...

I think you're typing over each other. Maybe.

I wasn't argueing. I'm not argueing. He told me to own that date. I should have used quotes.

But honestly it makes no difference. I'm not trying to justify my actions I was only trying to explain the timeline. But if he sees it as a betrayal and I think that's how he sees it because I slept with someone then I accept that.