Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife of 7-Years is Divorcing Me, but Yet Not pt. 8

"Statistically, my wife has been in more accidents. I have been in none. Maybe I should counter with that."

Yes you should.

Going to pay a visit to my lawyer at 1pm to discuss "strategy" for our upcoming custody hearing in a week's time.

Please keep me in your prayers... I need to separate my head from my heart for a couple of hours to have an objective discussion with my team. It's such a dark time, and I hope whatever happens doesn't put our son in jeopardy.

Thank y'all for your support all these months!

it's all business now Alamo...and guess what?

Imo, seriously, she's MORE likely to respect you if you stand up for yourself.

So stop all the self loathing you've wallowed in for too long.

You are a good dad so be a good father and assert your rights to your son's time and being in his life.

If you do NOT FEEL LIKE moving to South Carolina (and if you do not have some good plans for how YOU will live there)

do not move there, and object to her doing so if it means taking son.

This is how & where you draw the line in the sand.

If not now, when?

Totally agree with you, 25. I'm not and will not back out of my plans now. I have to try. One way or another, our Father's Will be done.

UPDATE
Friday evening I asked my wife about Memorial Day Monday (both of our are off). I suggested splitting the day to spend time with our son, and she immediately said "Not until you sign the documents."

"That's how you're doing this? Really?", I responded.

She then said, "I'll think about it."

Fast forward to today, when she came to fetch our son from my place, I asked again. Again she said that I need to sign the documents first.

Now, besides what I've typed here today, I wish our conversation was documented either by text/email, because I could use it as further proof of her NOT co-parenting with me, as well as her continued sense of entitlement.

I'm thinking of sending her a text to clarify tomorrow's plan and to get it on record. We never did discuss when I'd pick our son up (though why I suggested "half day", I assumed it would be noon), so I was thinking sending this:

"Since you had no intentions of doing a half day for E, I would like to come at 3:30pm to pick him up instead."

What do you think?

When were you scheduled to pick him up originally?

On a work day I usually pick him up from daycare at 4pm.

Hmm..

It's a tough call because what you can use, she can use... So I feel like you should just pick him up at 4p and not try to get a point against her (although put it in your journal for sure).

HOWEVER...

I would also suggest talking to your L and express your concern. And then limit all contact with her in regards to your son via email.

Learn your lesson and move forward accordingly. Let your w shoot herself in her own foot.

That's my .02 FWIW

I see how the 3:30pm thing might sound presumptuous of me.

How about this?

"Since you had no intentions of doing a half day for E, should I be there at 4pm as usual or do you have other plans?"

I'm not expecting a response (a non-response can also be seen as negative against her). If anything, I'll use what I journaled here today as some kind of proof. Better something than nothing, right?

Leave out the "since you had no intentions of doing a half day for E" part, and leave out the question. Just say, "I plan to be there to pick up E at 4pm as usual tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions; otherwise I'll see you then."

Since she's not responding to you, don't leave the ball in her court with a question - you will likely not get what you want or end up with an unclear agreement. Say how it will be and leave it up to her if she wants to challenge it somehow. You're putting words in her mouth with the "no intentions" part and it won't win you any points.

agree with above. Leave out the snide remark although I sense your purpose is an after the fact "ratification" of what she said earlier.

Instead YOU COULD try "Since we both have Monday off, I want to split son's time and get him at X hour (I think noon is early for her to have a "half" a day)

so do NOT ask her...tell her what you are doing (esp since it's documentation of reasonable requests you are seeking, via the texts) and b/c it does not look so weak...

OR
to be clear-
I don't see why you'd get him more than usual - if your p/u time for Mondays is usually 4 pm...

is that b/c normally he'd be in school or at daycare during the day?

IF SO -


then this is a glimpse of what life will be like in South Carolina if you don't have FIRM custody arrangements.

I'd toss this piece of leverage to her.

"W,
when you treat me this way and threaten me, it shows me how I cannot expect or assume that you'll be fair w/me in South Carolina,

or that you'd ever put your anger behind you... WHEREAS, In California, bad mouthing your spouse is called "parental alienation" and it's frowned upon so much that it's grounds for LOSING custody....& since

I don't know SC's laws BUT I like the protection of California law and fear you'll only keep on harping about me to son & pressure me to give up my rights -- I can think of NO reason to go there.

The negative carping will damage him more than it'll damage me....and you can't see that, which is sad b/c it means your anger is your priority, not our son."

And Alamo -then I'd fight to stay in state....

you may well lose (or change your mind) but PLEASE make her fight to take him away, don't give him away.

There's a HUGE difference

and he may need to see PROOF of that effort on your end, someday.

((( )))