Originally Posted By: labug Take a stack of bibles and holy water to throw on her when she starts to grow fangs. How does this advance anything? Sort of like throwing gasoline on a smoldering fire.
To be honest, I (sadly) enjoyed that joke.
Good. Things were getting too serious around here. I often said that the only way my W would get touched by God was if she walked under a cross and it fell on her.
This explains a lot.
I'll leave you all with your anger.
Hope it gets you where you need to be.
labug, the above appears very passive / aggressive to me.
I would like to understand how you believe that might help Alamo understand his plight and further how he might interpret the message you are presenting to help in his sitch?
Just wondered how someone with a wife in med school was surprised that she got matched out of state. I couldn't remember that far back in the scenario and thought perhaps they had agreed for her to only apply in state. Was lazy and didn't want to go back and read.
And it is pretty far-fetched.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Just wondered how someone with a wife in med school was surprised that she got matched out of state.
....
And it is pretty far-fetched.
Perhaps...
although it is also perhaps speculation that
Originally Posted By: labug
They knew her, they liked her work, her work ethic, she matched.
I would submit that aside from the first point, the rest could be said about any possible suitor, regardless of which state...
The only motivations that we can be clear about are the motivation of her actions.
And they remain:
+ threats about his character + threats to use the courts to deem Alamo a risk to his son + using bribes of time with his son if he were to move to SC + allowing someone she plans to claim to the courts as an unfit and risk, to spend time alone with his son
Alamo, like anyone, has the right to be presumed innocent until otherwise found guilty.
That is for the courts to decide.
Determining that Alamo's W is making the "best" choice, is presumptuous.
So I don't think she did it to spite me, but I feel like she pushed harder and tried to make a greater impression(in terms of interviewing) at that location compared to others. Of course, that's speculation.
WILD speculation. They knew her, they liked her work, her work ethic, she matched.
I guess you're at an impasse that the courts will need to sort out.
It just so happens that that Spartanburg location is close to her parents, sister and brother (they live less than 2-hours away in TN).
Yikes, I didn't mean for my thread to ignite a heated discussion such as this. You're all trying to offer opinions, that's all. Thank you for being patient and remaining open in this dialog.
I think bug was only trying to interject a little humor with the bibles and holy water. I do that, too. It helps sometimes to laugh between all the stress and worry. Just my opinion, though.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I don't know if you know this about me.. but I'm a w of an addict.
My wife is an alcoholic and an over-eater. She's been in OA for almost 2 yrs. Last time we had a conversation, she was talking about joining AA as well.
I can tell you that there is alot of ANGER being the spouse of an addict. I get angry at all the years she was sick and hurt me. I get angry at the fact that she is trying to get healthy but has no desire to show me the new her.
I find myself getting angry that a friend can do a completely innocent act and it triggers something in me that brings me back to that pain.
My friends suffer from my bullsh!t. Thank God for their never ending grace and love for me.
I can also tell you that is alot of FEAR being the spouse of an addict. Every time my w does something pleasant - I fear the other shoe to drop.
I fear my hope getting up that she has truly changed.
Every time she does something that even reminds me of the old dynamic - I get scared that I'm not strong enough so sometimes I over-react to get my point across.
Alamo - being in a relationship with an addict causes severe damage to both the addict and the enabler.
I tell you this not to blame you or make you feel bad. I believe that you are working on changing you. You are confronting your demons head on with God's strength... and that is amazing....
... your wife will need to do the same. She will need to confront her own demons because just as you chose to stay in your addiction... she chose to stay in that kind of relationship.
And I can tell you - some days that is hard to admit. It is much easier to blame the addict than to take ownership of your actions.
It is much easier to use the addict to keep you stuck in anger and fear....
I don't want to speculate why your w is acting the way she does. Honestly - I don't agree with what your w is doing...
... but I understand it because until she deals with herself... until she forgives you and herself.. you will get more of the same.
And that journey to forgiveness is soo hard. Some days I just want to scream - why do I have to experience all this pain because of HER addiction.
I bet your wife's has those days.
So I get it. I get why your w is doing what she does. I can understand the fear/angry behind it.
But at the end of the day....
only time and God will have to heal her heart.. and though your changed heart is awesome... it's really not about your journey...
..it's about her journey to heal.
And I'm sorry - but 1 yr may not be enough time for her.
What do you do with this... be patient and be loving. That does not mean being a doormat, that does not mean losing your son.
We care about your on this board. We all bring different viewpoints.
We can say that your w should be acting this way or you should be defending yourself this way....
... but at the end of the day - things are unfolding exactly the way God is intending. We may have difficulty trusting it... and we can surely not like it.
But if we believe that he loves us.. than we believe that he knows what's best for us.
Continue to do what God want's you to do.. and it will all work out.
Have faith Alamo. ((( )))
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
