Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My own thread...my sordid story.

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You cook Betsey, I'll just burn them in the crock pot!

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Meredith, you kill me.
Thanks though, for the rest of the letter. I know I am hard on myself, but, I am also hard on all of the OW's out there. You guys understand me and where I am coming from, but we'll be the first to attack someone who busts in on our territories, you know? It makes me sick that I am that person ("dog food" or whatever else they want to call me) to someone else.
I know I did not act alone. But still, my lack of judgement is baffling to me. How selfish could I be?

Anyway! Enough of that! You're right, I have definately corrected that mishap. I am so different around other men now. I used to be the life of the party! I was right in there, talking about whatever came to my mind. Oh, did I love the attention! Not me anymore. I am still fun, mind you , but not as a means to stroke my own pitiful ego.

Just remember my saying here:

When you keep one foot in the past and one in the future, you're pissing on the present.

Pamela, what's done is done. It's yesterday and the only thing you can do now is make an apology, work on forgiving yourself and see that you take the steps to prevent it from happening from here on out.

Like I don't have the same issues? I came within millimeters of making that same poor choice. I still feel badly about how and why I got to that point. But I've forgiven myself for feeling desperate and lonely and needing affection and attention from another man.

I no longer have contact with him (well maybe once or twice a year, because he's a childhood friend), and I feel that I'm working on the things that need to be addressed with my own needs and wants.

And when that blonde dingbat walks through our door for good, he's going to see to them!

TTFN,

Betsey

Pam, I have been the dog food too. Many years ago, mind you, but I acted on feelings that I had for a friend - even though he was seeing someone else (I wasn’t seeing anyone). He chose the someone else...and I learned my lesson the hard way.

Truth is, if it came down to brass tacks I hate the OW for threatening my space and making abandonment by H all the more probable. She means ‘danger’ to me, and that makes me react like a nut. I don’t blame her necessarily, but it is easier to hate her than it is to hate H. Wow, how’s that for making no sense!

Makes perfect sense to me! There is also a difference here, ladies. Pamela and Betsey, you all did not continue these R for years. You realized what was missing in your own R. I've met other Ow, also H's. They are not functioning with brains!! They don't see anything wrong with what they encourage. I've heard Ow's messages to H when he doesn't call for days or weeks. Believe me, there's a screw loose there.

Pamela,

I must have missed your post about your FIL... and NO, I don't want a new friend!

I must admit that there have been a few times in the past year when I've been tempted to write a little letter to my mommy-in-law dearest, but decided against it.

Primary reason? She's Mr. Wonderful's mother. And although he has spent our entire marriage defending me, I don't want to put him in the position of having to do this because I've taken action.

Secondary reason? Nothing I say will change her feelings about me, nor will I make any progress with her. In fact, I can honestly guarantee getting a letter back from her identifying all my transgressions in spades.

Ironically, I came across a letter from her to Mr. W. 2 nights ago (when clearing out tax files). He had received it in response to a letter he had written to her after his 40th birthday party fiasco. He had given me the green light to read it then but told me it was going to hurt like hell and recommended me not reading it.

I was tempted for about a second, but I realized that I don't need any latent dings in my PMA armour, and even considering the source, I couldn't muster up enough in my reserve tank to do it.

If your FIL fits in that same category, I'll recommend that course of action. And then we can figure out together how to forgive those people. Who, ironically, gave birth to the men we know and love.

Sorry for my delay!

Betsey

Pam,

I love my FIL to death, but I do have the MIL from hell. She was sent from hell on a mission. First, she made friends with me. She was the mother I always wanted and we were so very close for about 6-7 years. After the 6 years went by she grew very homesick and began to try and make life a living hell. She also grew tired of hiding her horns and those are extremely obvious to anyone willing to look.

If I allow her to, she makes my life miserable and destroys my PMA. She wants nothing more than to see my marriage go up in smoke. In fact, I wouldn't put it past her to hold a gun to H's head demanding he file for sole custody.

So would I write her a letter? NOPE! At least not one I would actually send. Because...if I write her a letter I will be showing her that I notice her evil deeds. I haven't time in my day to waste on someone who wishes pain upon me.

My advice? Write the letter. Write ten of them if you wish. Then burn them. Your H is coming around, you have work to do and a new theme song to write. You haven't time to waste on someone who cannot even give you a second of his time to say a polite 'how are you'. Besides, what would this show your H?

Meredith,
I had the MIL from hell. I was all goodness in her eyes ~ til I married her son. We couldn't walk in their door without her putting H on the scale. Followed by the your losing weight, don't you eat? This from a women who couldn't cook?! He put his foot down pretty fast.

Over the course of years, we got to a point where I could take her places, etc and we could enjoy ourselves. I vowed long ago I will be the best MIL in the world.

Pamela, write your letter, then burn it. It wouldn't phase her if she read it anyway.

Pattie

I suppose writing a letter would do no good. I didn't want to be accusational, I just wanted to apologise for not making him (Pattie, it's the FIL) feel comfortable in my house. I was having a hard time with it, though, because part of me wants to explain WHY I did that, but then it just turns into me blaming him, which is not the direction I want to go. I guess all I can really do is be as nice as possible if he is around, and he can see the changes for himself. This will be VERY difficult for me! But, hey, who said this DBing was easy???

Here's today's dilemna:
The father of a close friend of mine died the other day. I will have to go to the Funeral home this weekend. OM will most definately be there. UGH! I don't want to run into him. BUT, I need to do this for my friend. I want H to go too, but I don't want him to run into OM either. I think that the fight that would start could result in the messy result of the casket being tipped over or something! Oh, that's horrible! And, not at all possible. My H is built like a truck (works out constantly), but would never fight with anyone. He has more self-control (well, except for when other women are involved! ) than anyone I know.

Pamela,

My FIL was a doozy for a while, too. I just tried to be nice. He was a real charmer after awhile. When we'd visit, he and I would stay up late watching the late oldies. I spent several weekends with him, too without H or kids. All in all, I worked it out with both of them and truly was able to enjoy them.
My H had real childhood issues with them, they still raise their ugly head occasionally. Since your H is in therapy, thank God he is willing to work on those issues.
Just be your nice, sweet self with FIL.