Divorcebusting.com | Contact

Register Log In

Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not new, but starting over again

Print Thread

Page 3 of 5

1

2

3

4

5

Re: Not new, but starting over again Jack_Three_Beans #2246388 05/18/12 04:50 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia R robb OP Member
OP robb Member R Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia	Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans Originally Posted By: robb Originally Posted By: Mach1 Originally Posted By: robb I know things will get better for 3-4 months, then we will go back to the same thing. Is she right ??? Emphatically No! But I don't know how to tell her without sounding like I'm begging. Should I give it more time? Just needing some opinions. Emphatically Prove it! Rob all the talk in the world, didn't build the Great Wall of China. Hell all the talk in the world didn't even make your cup of coffee this morning. Words are wind. Actions however? Show her that your different, even if she might not be in your world. Jack, how do I keep it from being "You are only doing this now because we are having problems!" Me:53 W:50 M:29 years T: 30 years Children: S21, D12

Re: Not new, but starting over again robb #2246392 05/18/12 04:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land ~ ~ kd ~ Member
~ kd ~ Member ~ Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land	In my best attempt to channel truegritter, here... You have set your minimum time line. Great. That will show when you are still here after 3 or 4 months. That is a benign and honest statement above. Showing is internally committing to something... and then... doing it... You don't need to bring anything up... You just need to show it... You indicate that you could make a list... So... make that list... And then DO it...

Re: Not new, but starting over again robb #2246394 05/18/12 04:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land ~ ~ kd ~ Member
~ kd ~ Member ~ Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land	Originally Posted By: robb Jack, how do I keep it from being "You are only doing this now because we are having problems!" Jack will answer this in his own way, but I wanted to touch it... When your car has a flat, why would you NOT fix the flat... OF COURSE you are doing things now because you realize there is a problem... You can simply apoligize that it took you so long to realize there was a problem...

Re: Not new, but starting over again ~ kd ~ #2246396 05/18/12 05:00 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia R robb OP Member
OP robb Member R Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia	Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem In my best attempt to channel truegritter, here... You have set your minimum time line. Great. That will show when you are still here after 3 or 4 months. That is a benign and honest statement above. Showing is internally committing to something... and then... doing it... You don't need to bring anything up... You just need to show it... You indicate that you could make a list... So... make that list... And then DO it... I have already started working on my list, just need some time to show it to her. Me:53 W:50 M:29 years T: 30 years Children: S21, D12

Re: Not new, but starting over again robb #2246402 05/18/12 05:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land ~ ~ kd ~ Member
~ kd ~ Member ~ Joined: Mar 2011 Posts: 4,866 Likes: 1 Canoe'k-land	oh, wait a second rob... are you saying "show her the list"? or are you saying... "using the items I list as a way to show her things will not change back"...?

Re: Not new, but starting over again ~ kd ~ #2246414 05/18/12 05:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 11,646 J Jack_Three_Beans Moderator
Jack_Three_Beans Moderator J Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 11,646	Robb, You're in great hands with Kaffe please listen to him. I'm saying that because I was going to say the same thing. He did it better. Show her through your example and your actions. Do not show her a list of words...does that make sense? Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: Not new, but starting over again ~ kd ~ #2246423 05/18/12 05:56 PM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia R robb OP Member
OP robb Member R Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia	Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem oh, wait a second rob... are you saying "show her the list"? or are you saying... "using the items I list as a way to show her things will not change back"...? I mis-typed, I didn't mean show the list to her, meant to say use the things on my list and put them into action, and not change back. I didn't notice my wording when I first typed it. Me:53 W:50 M:29 years T: 30 years Children: S21, D12

Re: Not new, but starting over again robb #2246469 05/18/12 07:55 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,711 Likes: 255 M Mach1 Member
Mach1 Member M Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,711 Likes: 255	Originally Posted By: robb Emphatically No! Robb.... My curiosity is up now... What is different now, than it was in 2003 , and again in 2008 ? You scream NO .... Yet, you describe falling into old patterns of behavior in '08 And your posts from '08 look similar to your posts recently.... usually when there is smoke, there is fire... The jealousy thing worked for you then, but was it, or were you true to yourself ? Or did it become just a ploy, and when she came back, you were the the victor reaping the spoils ??? I would be interested in knowing your role in the relationship, rather than focusing on what she did/didn't do...

Re: Not new, but starting over again Mach1 #2246564 05/19/12 01:31 AM
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia R robb OP Member
OP robb Member R Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 118 Virginia	Mach 1, we have fallen into some of the old patterns, but not completely. We could benefit from more intimacy on a consistent basis. I'm part of the relationship, so I'm part of the problem. I realize I'm not perfect, and make mistakes. I'm will to admit that and move forward. "from this day forward". Me:53 W:50 M:29 years T: 30 years Children: S21, D12

Re: Not new, but starting over again robb #2246667 05/19/12 03:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,711 Likes: 255 M Mach1 Member
Mach1 Member M Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,711 Likes: 255	Originally Posted By: robb Mach 1, we have fallen into some of the old patterns, but not completely. We could benefit from more intimacy on a consistent basis. I'm part of the relationship, so I'm part of the problem. I realize I'm not perfect, and make mistakes. I'm will to admit that and move forward. "from this day forward". You say "We" I asked about "you" What's your plan for the forward part ???

Page 3 of 5

1

2

3

4

5

Moderated by Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis

Link Copied to Clipboard

Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5