Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - It's A Choice

It does seem like a big shift in her attitude towards you. Other emails she sent were almost accusatory for no reason.

I think you should reply in a business casual style but emphasize the positive stuff like " so glad the accountant seems to be working out"

Regarding the health insurance hike I would only ask her for information and make the financial decision with out her opinion on the matter.

man.. i typed that so fast.. I completely left out words... sorry folks.

Think it is time to get your own health insurance. Don't you think? How long is this going on now? Months ? Eventually you will have to get your own. So do It now and stop depending on hers. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like this health thing is prolonging the ties and relationship that she does not want.

she may be feeling stressed over the rate increase and the deadline.

As we move along this path speculating how our spouses are feeling or what is motivating them puts us at risk of getting wrapped up in the drama again. Use care to protect yourself.

I agree with Rick about the insurance. I remember from early posts how you felt about Cobra. Perhaps there are alternatives depending upon your circumstance. We do not need to know these. When my children were dropping off my insurance we got them limited coverage with other insurers. It was not the best, but we were able to tailor a plan against something catastrophic.

Can you ask your peers how they provide themselves health insurance alternative to cobra?
Just a thought.

@Bklyn - Excellent advice. Casual business with positive reinforcements are good.

@Rick - IMO it's only a big deal to her because I'm on HER insurance vs. Cobra. She didn't like the whole financially contributing to the family part of it.

She wants me to make a move. And it's time I make one.

@Scaredsilly - That would be my guess too. Because the rate is going up, the family part is going up which means she will have to pay more.

She doesn't know what I'm going to do. I've been acting very out of character for her with my new boundaries. She has lost control and it scares her. (she's admitted that part).

and I totally understand that. The feeling I fight with her is - "That doesn't give you the right to speak to me that way" and that's a feeling I need to control.

@JS - I have looked into other options but you and Rick are right - I need to figure this out.

I'm already starting to come up with a gameplan. I hope to be in the union in the next 2 yrs. I was using Cobra as an interim plan.. because the last time I looked - independent health insurance wasn't an option for me.


But I really appreciate y'all keeping me accountable. Last night I went on a 3 mi run to just purge the emotions. For personal reasons - there are ALOT when it comes to the health insurance.

I WILL continue to let go on my anger and need to "show her"
I WILL wait another 24 yrs to let my emotions settle. (Great rule for everyone to follow!)
I WILL treat her how I want to be treated regardless on if she notices or does the same

And most importantly I WILL ACCEPT that things are finalizing and wrapping up for a reason.. and it is a good one.

That there are bigger and better plans for me than limboland and the pain of this D.

Where is the LIKE button!!!!

Val it looks like you have a good plan in place and continue to stick with it. Good for you!! I really like the 24 hour rule re: emotions. I am definitely going to implement that one myself.

You are absolutely right about bigger and better plans. I remind myself of that on a daily basis. I am glad to hear that you are not letting your W dictate your emotions and you are planning for your future.

One day at a time, we can do this!

Thanks Autumn,

I have a plan but I'm sure its gonna change. The Cobra will most likely be out of my budget range so... we'll see.

I think God is trying to teach me a thing or two about faith.

As for my w and I - well I suspect I will be emotional for awhile. It's hard not to be.

It's hard to break the cycle. Our dynamic wasn't learned overnight so it can't be broken overnight.

Although - she did cash my health insurance promptly after our conversation. I will make sure to keep my end of the deal...

.. and hopefully we can chalk it up to a small success.

Just a small little vent - really serves not purpose other than to get if from my head to let it go.


Y'all saw my post in regards to the w's 3 emails. One - clearly stating she was dropping off her taxes today. My response to that email was

"Great. I can drop mine off too this week. Thanks for letting me know."

She just texted me saying that she dropped off the taxes.

Um... ok?

I haven't responded to a text since December. Some was in regards to our stuff, others - apologies, and one where she was checkin in to see "if I was ok".

Idk - I think I've made it pretty clear that I do not wish to communicate via text. I actually feel its inappropriate to text her as we do not have that kind of relationship and haven't for a year... or at the very least 5 months.

Not worth mind-reading or speculating. Just a moment - when I acted like a puppy who cocks his head and gives his owner that quizzical "huh??" look.