Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not sure where to start, Part 3

So S had an eye appointment tonight and he needs glasses. Not surprised. I expected as much. He is excited about it. We get home and H is at the house. Evan rushes in to tell his dad and H is in a crabby mood. S tells D not to go downstairs because H is "working". So I warmed up pizza for the kids and after eating D wants to see her daddy. S tells her no and won't let her go. She screams and cries while H tells S to just let her come down. S is screwing around and being goofy and starts teasing his sister. H goes off on S! S runs upstairs crying and I grab him and hold him. He is sobbing. I know it is more than being yelled at. I hold him and once he calms down I tell him to take the dog for a walk and cool down. He gets back and goes to his room and goes to bed.

I could just strangle H when I see S so upset. And H just acts like everything is just fine. He is being such a selfish @$$. It makes me ill.

I am talking to S tomorrow and get to the bottom of this. I am also calling a counselor tomorrow for him. This is getting ridiculous.

D's soccer game tonight. H has already left to go up north. Supposedly to see his mom. I am not sure if I should believe him or not. I guess it does not matter where he goes. If he sees OW it is out of my control. Now he will not be back until Sunday afternoon. It would have been nice for him to spend Mother's Day with us but I guess it is my day. I am guessing on Father's Day I will have to make myself scarce. Unless he takes them up by OW. I hope not! But I guess I have no say on that either.

He reminded me we have a court ordered parenting class on Wednesday and had I found a sitter. I said no I have been far too busy to even think about it.

He left and said goodbye to the kids and he actually gave me a hug too and said have a happy momma's day. That is the first time he has given me any affection since the bomb drop. Don't want to feed into it. It wasn't a light quick half hearted hug. It was an embrace.

I have been extremely emotional all day. That hug didn't help. I feel like eating a pint of rocky road and watching a sad chick flick and going through two boxes of kleenex. Lol!

And I do have to say I look damn good too. Hair, makeup and new clothes. The total package. ; )

Part of me feels like giving up. I just can't see the forest for the trees.

Okay am I a doormat or what? After soccer I took the kids for ice cream and a walk downtown. Beautiful evening and I wanted to enjoy it with my children. We get back home and sure enough H did a load of wash but didn't put it in the dryer. So I put it in the dryer. I need to do a load as well so when his clothes are dry I took them out and for a moment considered tossing them back in the hamper not folded or sorted. Then it hits me. I want to do something nice for him. It was a total 180 for me because usually when I am angry I let it be known. My 180 was to control my anger but that doesn't seem to send a powerful enough message. So I took out the clothes, folded them neatly and sorted them and put them on his bed so he could put them away when he got home. See, he would expect me to just pile the clothes on the bed in a messy heap. He would NOT expect me to fold them and Place them neatly on the bed for him to put away especially after the A was revealed and the incidents of last weekend.

And it feels good. Heart-warming. I am proud of myself for rising above the nastiness and the anger and doing an act of service out of love. It made me feel better. H may not notice or care or even think about it but I know and I feel good about myself for being the better person. Maybe I am starting to get the hang of it??

i think he'll notice. he may not say so. kindness is never a mistake, IMO.

Love your post WH. ((( )))

wishing,hoping,

I think taking the high road is one of the #1 success factors here and you are exhibiting that in your actions. I know it is hard, but I also know as you said that you feel better after treating your H that way. Hopefully it will pay dividends down the road. I been doing acts of kindness/unconditional love and I have no expectations, I am doing these things because they are the right thing to do, and with no strings attach which is a 180 for me.

Keep your chin up and keep up the good work!!!

Great job WH!! Rise above!!

Nice. I'm feeling like my outlook has changed too. I'm tired of being angry and mean. I look at myself and how I"ve been acting and think, "what am I becoming?" It isn't pretty. It's ugly.

Time to make some major changes. We will love ourselves more for doing it. Well done!!

I just need to remember to take one moment at a time. I get overwhelmed and fearful and angry when I think about what's yet to come. I need to enjoy the moment and live in the moment. I don't know what te future holds. I never thought I would be here.

Well said w&H. We all need to remember that!