GM... You are not alone in this. What you're going through is exactly what I went through...still do at times. You articulate it so well.
Im so grateful for the responses here because they're helping me understand my own issues with rejection and dealing with an emotionally unavailable person. Im now seeing how my thoughts became distorted and why.
(((((GM)))))) ....we're here! You will get through this. Right now it doesn't feel like it. It hurts tremendously, but you will make it through this. We are here to listen, pick you up when you trip, fall, backslide, and dust you off and keep walking right beside you. Remember we've all been through, or are going through it and are here to guide you.
My heart goes out to you....I really know the pain you're in. I really do. But I tell you girl....you will come out ok because you're stronger than you know.
I say this because I now can look back some and see just how strong I've been! And I was convinced I was a pathetic mess!..
It says you're on the west coast... I am too. Im curious if we actually live close to eachother. Im on the Oregon coast. You?
Rats, kimmerz! I'm on the California coast. We need to find a way to exchange contact information. I tried PM, but it doesn't work.
Today's my wedding anniversary. I've chosen to honor the day by being the best mom that I can be to our children and by working hard at my job as a financial contributor for our family. With that mindset I've been able to keep the tears at bay.
Today's my wedding anniversary. I've chosen to honor the day by being the best mom that I can be to our children and by working hard at my job as a financial contributor for our family. With that mindset I've been able to keep the tears at bay.
I feel for you...I will be doing the same (well, except a dad instead of a mom) in a couple weeks most likely....unless my in-house MLC'er has a surprise for me...
You are doing great!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Gosh, kimmerz, I'm wondering the same things you are about your XH's behavior. If you think about all of the information you've read here and elsewhere you will probably see that your XH is following a predictable pattern. You know how toddlers need to touch "home base" and then they run off again? Well, I wonder if that's what your XH is doing. It fits with MLC, but also with adults who missed an important developmental stage. Since it seems that MLCers have unresolved childhood issues and traumas it's logical that they would also not have safely passed through early life stages and maybe even suffer from arrested development. If you're interested it might be worth researching. I agree with earlier posts that your XH wants attention from mom. Play it cool, listen and talk softly when you must respond. Think of how you wanted your parents to respond to you when you were a kid/teenager and had a problem. When parents helped us feel safe we opened up more. When things fell apart home was the best place to be. However, if our parents were critical or rejected us we retreated and found others to confide in, or at least I did. Think of times when you just needed a parent to listen to you and it helped you feel better. Then you were able to carry on with your life. We all know that the WS acts like a teenager, so does this at all seem to fit what your XH is doing? Please don't spend any energy on all of this unless it interests you. Anyway, you can create a safe haven for your XH if you want to. In the meantime, keep learning and healing. It seems to be giving you the peace you haven't had for many years. On that note, a couple of books that I've started reading might appeal to you also. They are Men are like waffles woman are like spaghetti, Boundries: When to say yes, how to say no and Zen and the art of falling in love. I'm finding these good for dealing with my H now and helping with healing, but I will also use the information in the future. You can get the gist of them by downloading a free sample.
On another note, here's another similarity that we have. My H complained about his back and arthritis in his ankles. He also wasn't sleeping well. Once he left he told my son that he felt great. He had no more pain. I'll be curious if I ever hear about the problems returning once he is no longer able to self medicate.
Thanks, T^2. I really expected this day to be painful, but somehow it was truly one of the happiest that I've had since before my H left. Gosh, am I becoming manic or is the 5htp really starting to kick in? Or am I starting to heal? I sure hope it's one or both of the later two. I surely don't need to develop a mental illness on top of everything else. How can I have days where I feel so lonely and weepy and now a day like today. Maybe God heard my prayer for relief. I really couldn't take another sorrowful day.
In some ways, GM, it is a relief. No more limbo. No more wondering if he'll go through with it. I remember that day for me as well, and it was a relief. I almost felt guilty about that at the time. I don't any longer. I see it for what it is: another day. A day I didn't have to wonder any longer. Sadly for me it was a long time before I really saw that there would be more "what the heck is she doing" moments But even that is ok since I don't wonder or live in limbo. That was my choice and one I could have made earlier. Except that wouldn't be true to my values if I had done that prior. I suspect you are similar in that regard.
Keep your perspective!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I can't believe how our H's are so simliar! I mean it's just too much!
Are you on FB? How do we exchange information on here. Snodderly says the PM is broken. I think there is a way we can directly exchange personal info but someone has to tell us how to... I think the modifier?
Hey Golf mom! That's just fine!