Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New Here -- You All Inspire Me

I think a simple thank you would be fine. You're acknowledging the note that he took a lot of time to write, but not pursuing.

Saying a quick thank you sounds right. I felt like his note was sincere and deserved some response. But, no pursuit. Thanks for the advice.

Further development-- After my H's recent kind email about Mother's Day (see above), I responded via email with a simple "thank you for the kind words, they warmed my heart" and attached a short 10 second video of my daughter (his SD) helping make the winning shot at a recent basketball game. (He used to always go to her games before he walked away.) No other contact from me. That was this last Monday. Just got the following email from him (talking about the video):

That was awesome! I've watched it several times. Thanks.

When are the girls headed out for the summer? Have you given any thought about my being able to see them before they go? Let me know - thanks


I don't know if the girls really want to see him. (Maybe the younger one does, the one in the video.) I think that they were both a bit hurt that he left so suddenly. Or maybe this is his way of trying to see how we are etc.? How do you think I should respond?

IMHO you are being too polite to him. He needs to have something to shake him out of his status quo.

Maybe tell him that your SD's have said they were uncomfortable with what had happened and that he can extend an olive branch to them but you are not going to get involved.

If you tell him that you will talk to them, etc. and they reject the idea of seeing them, he could turn it around and accuse you of making things up. I've seen it many times here and suddenly you become the bad guy.

It's important to note especially when you say he's bipolar. Practically anything could set him off.

Hi Unbidden,

You nicely stopped by my thread, so I stopped by yours. Sounds like you are really doing well with getting the DB stuff quickly.

I was wondering too how long your H has been diagnosed as BP and if he has taken meds before. Do you think the diagnosis is correct?

((( )))

I almost laughed out loud when I read the first email from your H when Cadet says he's spewing script he ain't lying! I've gotten the same in multiple ways. You are doing fantastically at detatching and yes we all think what we're doing is somehow different than what's being talked about in the rules.

The sooner you accept what's happening and move on the better for you and for the hope of your M.

Good luck

Thanks, Brit and NG for stopping by. My H was diagnosed with BP almost 10 years ago but insists his emotions are just very "labile" and that he does not have it. LOL, having labile emotions is just what BP means. He won't take formal medication for it although he inappropriately takes ritalin when he feels like medicating himself and doesn't reliably take his thyroid medicine, both of which I think contribute to his moods. He seems to think that admitting to BP would admit some kind of failure on his part. But, actually failing in his life instead doesn't seem to bother him.

I'm doing a bit better on the DB stuff than in the beginning. I think that the passage of time has helped mostly and the fact that we live apart (he's back at his original house). Plus, the fact that what he says is such script and the fact that his life is just crumbling around him also help me see that it's not all been me. He is not really working and if he doesn't do something soon, he will likely end up in bankruptcy and there is nothing I can do about it. (Luckily, all of our debts and finances are separate so that wouldn't effect me.) So I am just watching as Rome burns, so to speak.

The only really big issues left for me are that I really love him more than I've ever loved anybody (except my two girls) and contemplating a divorce feels like absolute death to me for some reason. When he's not tormented with moods, he really is a wonderful man so giving up on the great parts of being with him is hard. Also, I have the ability to offer him work to keep him financially solvent but am not willing to do that while we are apart. I struggle with my duty towards him under the circumstances. But, he has made his own choices and I am respecting his free will.

We had planned a return trip to Paris in the summer and I still have the flat reservations so I think that I am going to go by myself and have some fun

Brit, your honesty and humor have repeatedly inspired me. Same with you NG.

Hope we all have a great weekend

I'm sorely missing my H today. It's funny how it comes in waves. I've been OK for a couple of weeks but just happened to be channel surfing and saw a show we used to watch (about two survivalists, funny now in retrospect). It has made me quite sad. I really wish I could have him back. I miss my best friend. On a brighter note, my eldest daughter's boyfriend graduated from high school this weekend. (She is a junior.) So we went shopping for his graduation gifts and had a good time. Hope you all are doing well this weekend.

Update -- I took Bond's advice and let my daughter decide whether she wanted to see her stepdad. She said she did. So I said he could come to her next basketball game. I've been totally dark but he's texted several times asking where certain things were and asking again when the game was. Finally got the details and texted him. He came, had a good time, and the three of us went to dinner afterwards together. Affter my daughter walked off to go text her friends, H said that he was confused but didn't want to lead me on, still loved me, had been totally faithful, but didn't really know how to proceed. I had to go because my daughter was getting antsy off in the corner (she was clearly trying to give us space) and he said he would like to get together soon to continue our discussion about our relationship status. When I got in the car he told SD how much he loved her and then walked me to my car door and kissed me suggestively. We are supposed to meet up tomorrow afternoon to continue our discussion about where to take our relationship. He knows i dont want a divorce and i got the sense that he is open to some sort of reconciliation or else he wouldve just said he was done and there would be nothing to really discuss. Any thoughts on how I should handle this, please help?

Can I please get some help with the above?