Have added a few more posts last night but they are still not up. How long does it usually take for moderated posts to be added?
Looks like right this minute your profile says 9 posts but only 6 have shown up. I would say somewhere between 10-25 posts you will get off moderation. Sorry but I have no control over that. That is why I have suggested to post in small frequesnt posts.
Have you been to your solicitor at all yet?
I would certainly suggest you speak to him at least once, but that does not get you divorced or separated just because you talk.
Also what is the reason that you want to proceed?
If you think that by filing for divorce he will be shocked out of his infidelity I would say that is unlikely.
I think the advice that you get here will be quite different than the other board. Over there it sounds like if you want to be divorced that is what you will get.
Here we are trying to save marriages and make you better for your next relationship.
Consensus on the other board is my marriage is over. Suggestions/replies have varied but main ones all say to go completely NC and then either:
1) File for separation immediately (although very slim chance, it may be my only option to have any impact on his A) 2) Wait until he comes back in July to give me some time to financially 'get my ducks in a row' 3) Expose the affair (again very slim chance this would have a positive impact--no one really important or influential in my H's life I could expose it to)
Replies in other forum have been very thoughtful and well-meaning. I am glad I've been posting on it. Not sure if its the same case as DB, though but posters are primarily those who didn't save their marriages, so much of their advice comes from hindsight or experiences that they had slightly later down the line.
Woke up at the crack of dawn with the birds singing, feeling overcome with grief. Think today is the day H is leaving to go on holiday with OW.
I'm sure I probably know what the advice may be, but would there perhaps be any point or hope in contacting the one close friend my H has confided in (and turned to guidance for)? My H always been very easily influenced by his surroundings (and by the company he keeps). Although it's been 3 months since he first confided in his friend, perhaps his friend could still have some influence either way.
I'm not suggesting I contact his friend with the (direct) purpose of asking him to intervene on my behalf and ask H to consider giving our marriage another chance. Although I will say I understand H's friend loyalty lies with H and that I cannot ask him to do anything, I will request that he does not tell my H I have contacted him. My H said that his friend offered him an 'objective' view and did not just tell H to 'end our marriage'.
I suppose my purpose in contacting H's friend would be to 'try to explain or describe things from my perspective': how despite my instincts screaming for me to go out to see H since November I love H and respected H's wishes that I did not do so, how when I asked H in December if he was involved with someone else and he said 'No' I believed him (had I known about OW I would have gone out in Jan, despite H's wishes), how I acknowledge our marriage was never perfect and there are things would need to change, I feel since H's emotional involvement with OW has developed his no longer recognises that there ever was (or could still be) any value, worth or love in our marriage. I would tell him I truly love H and want to reconcile, but I am finished trying to fight for our marriage and, I guess by contacting him, I am hoping to achieve some small bit of the peace my H seems to have achieved..
I really hope I get off moderation soon...I feel like I'm stuck in this massive whirling vortex...
Hi Twl- figured I'd post you the list of books I've been or seen recommended on this board (in addition to Michelle's books) so you can start reading while on moderation. They are in no particular order- I just keep a document with a list I add to.
Men are from Mars women are from Venus The 5 love languages Love must be tough Passion trap How to fix your marriage without talking about it Passionate marriage The solo partner Facing love addiction This is not the story you think it is
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
I've read the 5 Love Languages and have been recommended Love Must Be Tough. The other ones I haven't head of but will look. Other books I've read are Love Life for Every Married Couple, How One of You Can Bring Two of You Together, How to Save Your Marriage Alone, Hope for the Separated and Before a Bad Good-Bye.
If my other posts ever show up though, you'll see that I'm really going to have to change my reading list to things like: How to Move Past Your Breakup, Healing and Moving on.
It is clear my H has no interest in our marriage and now sees me as the OW in the relationship. This is not a short-lived affair but something that has developed into a meaningful and likely long-lasting relationship.
