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Damn CES- You seem so clear minded and strong yet caring and calm as well. I have definitely seen you evolve from the Mr. Nice Guy persona.

Well Done!!!

I see a lot of positives in your interactions w/ w. Slow and steady....

hi ces - i've been reading on your thread watching these new developments but haven't posted yet.

just wanted you to know - that i find myself thinking about you here and there during my day and sending you and your w lots of hopeful positive energy. i am so happy that you are in this place with her - a start? who knows, but something a bit better than before...

it seems as if it's not necessary to say stay cool, stay calm because that's how your posts sound - calm, cool and grounded as if you know where you are all of a sudden, but i'm sure that there are quaking moments all the same and then you must remember that you have a mini army of persons here standing behind you cheering you on!!

i imagine (and at this point i can only imagine) that if you thought you had to be patient before, this is when the real patience test will begin - what led up to now was only to get you practicing so you would be ready for the next phase.

hope you have a great week
zig

Thanks V,

We've had a few irritable conversations since the talk on Thursday but even on those I could see my W opening trying to manage her irritation and look at things more objectively. I'm not running away from conversations and am asking more questions to understand.

Last night I couldn't sleep and knew my W was still awake so I just went and asked her a question. She had said before the conversation that she wanted to try and focus more on positive interactions. I asked if she was still interested in doing that or if our conversation had caused her to rethink that. She confirmed that is still what she wants to do, so another positive.

I did realize that even if W decides to go back to counseling it will most likely not happen until August. The family leaves in about a month which will be difficult to get into an appointment and only 1 seems a bit pointless. Then they are gone for over a month. Then W will probably want to wait until the kids are back in school so it is easier for her to get away for appointments during the day.

A few more positives to note..

D10 had a school concert last night. Given the time, I had to meet the family there. W let me know she would save me a plate of dinner for after the concert, which was nice.

Also, after the concert, W made a point to get my picture with D10 and then a family picture off all 4 of us as well.

W also asked me if I had any plans for this weekend, which I said "no" except for Mother's Day. I asked her if it would be Ok for me to cook dinner for her & the family on Sunday afternoon which she agreed (she hates going to restaurants on Mother's day).

Just slightly more normal interactions. Doing a little better at keeping myself detached from getting too excited about any of it and rushing forward. Although I slept lousy last night with too many thoughts running through my head. Oh well, fortunately, that doesn't happen too often.

ces, I'm not going to get excited. After my recent experience with more contact, the other side has been difficult.

Stay your course.

No expectations.

Yeah, understandable. I wish I knew how long this road was but there just isn't a way to tell. No expectations is correct (still easier said than done but getting better)

When was the last time you spoke to your H? You said he'd been around a good bit, is the squirrel back in hiding again? Is he talking with your sons?

Journal stuff

Quiet day. W called me at work. She was writing a letter of reference for one of our kids former teachers. She asked me to look it over and offer suggestions.

I was able to do it between meetings. W use to always have me proof read what she wrote. It's been a whole so it was kind of nice to be asked again. Got a "thank you" back from W. it also gave an opportunity to chat when I got home about what the letter was for and how our friend was building her portfolio.

That's about it. Nothing major and w has not really pulled back after the big conversation we had last week. No expectations so just moving on about my life.

Get to take my first business trip next week with my new job. Should be fun.

Ces, sounds like you are making slow and steady progress. It is interesting that she hasn't pulled back since you had that deep conversation the other day. Keep up the good work. Enjoy the business trip. Maybe consider using it as an opportunity to spark a conversation with your W.

Thanks 2, the trip did spark a tiny conversation. I am going to support a work event that takes place on a Saturday so I will be gone the whole weekend. This is the weekend before my birthday. I gave plenty of notice but found out my W was planning something for me that weekend. I just told her it could wait until the following weekend.

Now I'm a bit curious as to what she may be planning. No expectations but it is nice to know she was thinking ahead about it.

Also I'm more aware of the cycle where progress leads to more hope which can also lead me to having expectations. That temptation is still there but I can see it and be more deliberate about not giving into that pattern which doesn't work.

I'm proud of you, Ces. Keep up the good work. Keep those expectations under control.

As for hope... your situation gives *me* hope. Keep sharing.