Mine's coming up soon, and I know how you are feeling. I pray that God send you comfort and rest. Tomorrow is a new day! A start-over, even when we didn't know we wanted or needed one. Take a few days for just yourself and re-assess what YOU want. Even dream a little. Did you know you can live in Panama with a beach front home for as little as $500/month? LOL
God will see you through this next journey. He is walking by your side and has great plans for you.
Please take comfort and peace in knowing that you are a beautiful, wonderful and worthy lady.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Thanks to you all who posted here. I am numb this morning,didn't do much crying,which is always good....I am going to keep busy at work for that helps me alot...I work in a call center for a hosp.so the rings constantly.... I saw my husband for the 1st time in over a yr.on friday...he looks so much like my husband did before he left,except his hair is down past his shoulders ,the deer look in his eyes is gone,he seems to be happy..... Did some talking,hugging,....BUT he still blames ME for our problems....said we could never get ahead in our finances.blah blah blah. we were always behind on our bills.... I asked him how that differed from his new life now??? He is behind on his bills so what chg'd????? HE DIDNT HAVE AN ANSWER
Irma, you have always told me that I am very blunt, and I am going to be again. He can give you any answer he wants to, the bottom line is he didn't want to be married to you and have the responsibilities of being a parent. This is the same reason most of us end up here. Everyone can believe whatever B.S. they want to, but that's the bottom line. I know you wanted to make this work, I think a big reason you wanted to is to make up for some mistakes you made when you were younger, but I feel your commitment to God and your efforts in trying to save your marriage have wiped your slate clean. I think that is what you need to focus on now, a clean slate with everything. Put this behind you and move forward. To stand at this point is useless. I know you leave things in God's hands, as you should, but you know in your heart that its over. I don't mean that you should now run out and find the first man you can find, but mover forward with your life without him. You still have a lot to do, you will still have to parent, because in spite of all his B.S. he won't be there, he will do what he wants. Don't worry about what he is doing or if he's happy or not, work on making yourself happy.
You have always been truthful ,honest and blunt I have said that many times.....but B/H I am in mourning of my marriage.I feel as when my husband first left...I feel like I have lost my marriage to death....and I have to live my life w/o him.....is that bad to have those feelings.I think not, I think it is part of my healing process.....just some hugs would be nice at this time....some, I am sorry you are in this place in your life....why always just so blunt??? I know I have to live my life w/o him, he is marrying the o/w. But just some compassion,even if for just one post..... It took him a long time to file, I wish he would have right away, but it doesnt lessen the pain whether it was 4mo ago or 4 yrs. Just hurts like hell......and as far as standing that is up to me...when I feel like I dont need to further stand that will be my decision.....when I feel God says I no longer need to stand.then I will stop..... We all have different decisions to make where that is concerned You dont have to keep telling me that is is useless. for I serve a mighty and powerful God that still works miracles to this day... We are all different just some TLC from you would be nice....that's all I am saying. My marriage is dead.....and it hurts and I have to take time to mourn it....
Irma, I do have compassion for you, much more than you realize. I'm terribly sorry that you didn't get what you wanted, unfortunately, it was not in your hands. All that I am trying to do is to get you to realize that you are much better a person than he is and you deserve much better than him, sorry you took it as uncompassionate. I'm also trying to help you with the pain by getting you to see that nothing is any different today than it was 4 years ago, except that you signed a piece of paper. He wasn't there then, he isn't there now. I'm trying to encourage you to see these things and move forward so you can find some piece and happiness, not grieving over something that has been gone for these years, Anyway, I hope this sheds a better light on what I was trying to accomplish.
((((IRMA)))) I believe that you are moving forward everyday!! Every time you plan for the furture without H you are moving forward. Just because you are standing for your marriage doesn't mean you are not moving forward. Caring for yourself and your children is moving forward. Being authentic with your feelings is moving forward. Saying I don't need H to be happy is moving forward. I don't understand why people say, you need to move forward, heck, it has been 4 years, you are not the same person you were 4 years ago, you have lived your life for 4 years and that is moving forward. Following God's will is moving forward. Leaving your H in God's hands knowing that you can't help H is moving forward. God has given you many blessings over the past 4 years and He will continue to bless you, that is moving forward.
God Bless and lots of (((HUGS))) are being sent your way!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I don't know if I've ever posted to you before. I was reading your timeline. Sweetie, you've been through so much loss in such a short amt. of time!!!! Believe me, I know how that feels...the same thing happened to me. So many losses in the family, and then Boom! The bomb is dropped on top of everything else.
You are now divorced. You know what. That piece of paper is not going to make you feel any different today than you did yesterday or the day before. But it is a turning point. It does end the limbo. It does mark the beginning of something new and unchartered. Yes, you can still stand when you are divorced.
Getting a divorce doesn't mean all the feelings and memories go away. They can become more manageable with time, and as we start out on our own again..alone..perhaps for the first time in decades, those feelings will start to be stowed away in the back of our minds as we have to concentrate on so many new things.
I couldn't cry on the day of my divorce. I had cried so much in the months leading up to it, I think I had just dried the well up! If you have tears to shed, then by all means do it. If you don't, don't feel bad about that either. And if they sneak up on you in the months to come, let them. It's all normal, and it's all healthy.
We do support and understand you here, and there is no one here that is not offering compassion and sympathy. We just also like to offer what worked for us, because we so want to help you in your journey. Take our posts with a grain of salt, and if something helps you along the way, that's all we're hoping for...because there were plenty of posters here when we started our journey, and they helped us in the same way.
Be kind to yourself. Take time for yourself. Re-discover yourself. You'll like what you find.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Mourning and grief are very important, as rituals and rights of passage. If we don't do it consciously, then it is going on further down, and we know from our MLCers what failing to fully acknowledge our feelings can do!
Like Creed I did my crying before the divorce, and by the time the divorce came it was a relief, because of the abuse that went on during the process. But if you feel sad, acknowledge it. Keep an eye on how long you are grieving though - if it goes on too long it can become a way of life, if that doesn't sound harsh.
As to whether or not your marriage is over, that is in God's hands, and also your h's. He may wake up and realise he was a fool, or he may not. Taking BH's advice to the logical conclusion we should stop standing the minute they walk out the door, because they wouldn't have done so if they wanted to be with us. I believe totally that MLC exists, and that our spouses change into something else. I went on loving the person my h was, and hoped he would return. He didn't, and probably isn't going to. The way he was, he was still the person I most wanted to be with, and I have not met anyone else. Am I standing for my marriage though? Probably not. My new life absorbs me more and more, although at times i still miss him acutely. That is a sign of our depth of feeling. Some people find someone new, others don't. There are no rights and wrongs here, only compassion and understanding for the path each of us walks, with so many similarities and yet huge differences.
The 2 x 4s are meant helpfully, as are the words of sympathy and love. You know that from raising children. Sometimes we need sympathy, other times a good talking to!
We all feel for your pain, we have all felt pain, and we want it to stop for you, preferably NOW. Each of us has a different idea how best to deal with it.
