I left a message about a telephone consulation. Haven't had one before & feel a little lost right now so I thought it might help me get back on track.
I feel so hopeless because I am having no interaction w/ my H. We don't have kids so there is really no reason we have to interact. Actually, as I have mentioned before, there are things we need to talk about but he will not contact me about them.
This is the 1st time in this separation that he has completely stopped contact. And the thing I find so weird is that up to the day before contact stopped, he was going to move back in & we had been talking or seeing each other every day & he had stayed over that night. To go from that to this has been really hard. This is almost worse than when he moved out originally - at least then we had been fighting for awhile so it was not as much of a shock.
I had actually been doing okay this week, down sometimes but trying to live my life. Yesterday just got to me & I feel really hopeless. I know DBing is for me & not just to save M, but I am really struggling right now.
Quote: I know DBing is for me & not just to save M, but I am really struggling right now.
Hang in.
This is the concept I keep trying to reiterate to myself, time and time and time again and as you, I'm struggling the last couple of days with screwed up emotions and conflict.
We know we must improve ourselves and they way we act, interact and react with everyone. And we must be honest with ourselves. And though, consciously we may not admit it, we really want WAS to acknowledge our changes, though many of them are internal. And we know we CANNOT do this, but our lives until this point have revolved with them and now we are not really sure what we are doing.
And we somehow, have to let go of this pain and get on with it. Because this is killing me.
You're on a wild ride!! I too have had the over abundance of contact, getting along and then the "silent" treatment. It is confusing and frustrating. Hopefully your consulting time will help. I know I have thought about another consultation.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Saw H today at work. He started chatting w/ me. We talked about some stuff that has been on my mind. He said he decided not to move home a couple weeks ago because he doesn't want to be controlled. I said all I can do is show him & he has to trust me, just like he said I have to trust him too.
He started talking about letting his brother-in-law buy our futon. I asked what he would sleep on then (he has futon with him where he is living) & he said in a bed. I asked where (thinking I knew where this was leading...it was an easygoing conversation) & he said "with you in our house, if I can ever stop being such a d*ck!" Somedays he really surprises me He can go from saying he never wants to come back to acting like he is in a course of a conversation.
But, at least we talked some today. I am just going to try & stay patient & not push - let him contact me etc.
well I am new here but loving EVERYTHING I am reading about DBing,right term? Anyway,will be brief here,my W lives in another country N(up north) and the only way we have contact is via email,Instant message,or occasional phone,anyway,I just want everyone to know,being patience,no R talk,etc seems to be working,now with that,sghe also sees that I am making plans for my future in a subtle way.this was via instant message tonight btw,anyway,I first mentioned I was gointg to file soon(not for divorce)but for something else,anyway this startled her a bit,then mentioned I was going to apply for a few jobs outside of where I am now and something she knows is me moving on with my life,this also didn't seem to thrill her much at all,though a small step,an encouraging one certainly not a big deal though,for a few times in recent past,there was to be no communication between us,then there was,and is,and she put me back onto her IM buddy list,so this is encouraging but am not initiating much at all. We both have a passion and it's dogs,though I lost all but one from separation,I don't harbor any bad feelings towards her for this,hurts yes but I accept my faults and responsibility for our situation. A little background on us,we were married in June 03,and separated in Jan this yr(pathetic ya say?) all we did was fight since the marriage,both at fault here mind you,and believe me they weren't pretty,nothing physical thank the lord! I do however love her immensely,and want very much for us both to get it together and make a real go of it,but realise it will take time for us both to change,and I think we both are working on this issue though alone(though she is getting counseling,not much mind you,she has no clue I am reading the book nor am a member of this,but told her I was reading a book on a dream of mine but wouldn't tell her what it was for now. I know I am rambling but believe me reading all the posts gives me hope,and am seeing more and more good coming from no talk about the relationship,no begging,pleading etc. My gosh why didn't I find this book BEFORE now??? Thank you,will give more detail of our marriage if needed,but I DO have a question for all,how do I go about expressing my unconditional love for her without it backfiring in my face?And maybe some things I may say to her to reassure her of my feelings without appearing pushy also,or just the fact that we speak is enough? thanks for your time and hope to hear opinions!!!!
He can go from saying he never wants to come back to acting like he is in a course of a conversation.