I'm really sorry April, what a situation you find yourself in. Coming here will help, post and read as much as you can. You really need to detach from your H and continue to GAL.
I will continue to read your thread and hopefully have something to add from time to time.
Hang in there. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it does get easier over time.
April - I read your cheer on another thread and loved it soooo much!
AINT NO COMPETITION LIKE REAL COMPETITION AND THE REAL COMPETITION IS ME.
Loved it!!
What we are going through is really really hard. Its really as hard as dealing with a death. Be good to yourself. You do deserve better.
I am glad that you attend a weekly support group, I am sure that helps a lot.
Just because you are not with your H today does not mean you will not be with him in the future. Dont try to predict the future, enjoy each and every day.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
So I am catching everyone up on my sitch. Each day I am getting stronger and feeling better. I have joined a belly dancing class, and am going out with my S23 who lives with me, and my gfriends. I am also getting excited about our cruise in late May.
I keep all comm with the STBXH to an absolute min. I have my appt with the L on May 9 and plan to file at that time. H tried last week to scare me by saying I was making him act like an a&& by having me served--LOL. That was always his way, keeping me in line so to speak. That really is rich considering he is currently living with new cow....but I digress.
I have firmly and completely detached and am now able to see a beautiful new future for myself and my adult children. They too have suffered and have seen enough. I look forward to the day when I am strong enough mentally and emotionally to date again. Right now I am happy just being with me.
To all of us fighting the good fight, keep the faith. I still believe in happy endings, and I still believe very much in love. I just had to learn to love me first, and never to compromise my morals or values in order to "hang on" to someone. Have a fantastic weekend everyone!
Great post, April...especially the last paragraph!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
April, I applaud your positivity but caution you that detachment does not happen in a matter of days. (calling ow a cow is a clear example)
Our spouses left because they chose to blame us for their problems rather than look inside and deal with any of their underlying issues. In finding DB, and these forums and people, we have been given an opportunity to face our own, with support and without the destruction ...
I encourage you to do this. Your words are great, but again ... learning to love yourself does not happen in a matter of days. Are you seeing a therapist? My concern for you relates primarily to your acceptance of a relationship that was so destructive and riddled with infidelity for so long. You blame your young age etc but really, have you dug into WHY your self esteem was so low that you accepted that relationship. I fear you don't truly value yourself.
Being ready to date in the future won't stem from any sort of detachment regarding your marriage, it will be tied strongly to the work you do to get to the bottom of your own stuff. We all have it, and many on here have come to see their separations/divorces as blessings in disguise as it led them into a fantasic journey of self discovery ... it's not easy, but oh boy is it worth it!
Good luck to you! Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
