I am sure you are doing the best you can in the PMA department, but sometimes it's good to have someone remind us if we're heading for the human version of BSOD.
Hope for the best, plan the worst, have no expectations, and keep moving forward...
Don't want the BSOD If I could describe one word for my feelings for my W it would not be anger, but I think maybe frustration.
While I keep moving forward I need to remind myself that the journey with my W will be much different and full of obstacles. I guess that when she starts talking like a WAS the fixer in me goes into overdrive. Rather than taking things day by day I panic and then start thinking and acting negatively. Even W saw that I was acting different on Thursday Night.
Hi Sad... I've been reading along... I'm just south of your border!
What if, the next time she brings it up... You just tell her..
"Listen, W, I get it that you don't trust my changes. And, I am really starting to understand your concerns about your feelings never changing, as mine have changed, too. With these improvements, comes a better me requiring much more out of a marriage than status quo."
And, let it sit.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I think that when my W decides to drink I will leave the house for the night. This morning she did not recall our conversations, I think that I need to set this boundary rather than having to baby sit her.
She told me this morning that it only took us month to get the finances straight and that she is having a hard time adjusting to me helping with the finances. Kids were waking up so I could not spend much time discussing this with her.
I was looking at our bills and it looks like she is going to have a large junk of money left from the funds that I give her to pay some of the household bills. Is it wrong for me to suggest that I keep the money in savings?
I guess that when she starts talking like a WAS the fixer in me goes into overdrive. Rather than taking things day by day I panic and then start thinking and acting negatively. Even W saw that I was acting different on Thursday Night.
Sad (GOD, you need to change that username!!),
If you haven't already done so, I'd suggest you do some basic reading on infidelity. There are several good books on it, and also you can read other people's sitches here on this forum. Because "when your wife starts talking like a WAS" is precisely the time you should see it as SCRIPT, just laugh a little inside to yourself, and DON'T ENGAGE.
You've got it backwards. Rather than "panic," you should actually draw COMFORT from just how typical, predictive, and "SCRIPT" everything she's saying is.
And knowing this, you can better plan your responses . . . in advance.
Stupid question but one that has come up and left me dumb founded:
1) W doesn't know if her feelings will ever change, what do you do when she brings it up? Listen, ignore what?
A: "Considering what our marriage was like in the past, I can certainly understand you feeling that way. All I can tell you is that I LIKE the self-improvements that I'm making, and they make ME FEEL GOOD. I fully intend to keep at this, regardless of what happens with our marriage, as I'm going to need a "new Sad" in ANY future relationship, cuz the old Sad wasn't working for me."
She told me this morning that it only took us month to get the finances straight and that she is having a hard time adjusting to me helping with the finances.
A: "I understand. This has been incredibly difficult on all of us."
If I could describe one word for my feelings for my W it would not be anger, but I think maybe frustration.