after the visit w/ FIL and txt w/ H regarding S being upset...
H sent me an email which i have yet to acknowledge. in it he wrote how he couldn't express how much he missed the kids.. and that their safety was his priority.. he wanted to be there for them mor during the week even if it meant he would have to sacrifice sleep or sleep in the car.. and in the end he said he knew how upsetting it is for me and if i wanted to slap him, or throw things at him etc.. i could.. because it wasn't anything he hadn't done to himself recently.
i'm not sure what kind of a response he's expecting and feeld that anything i say would be wrong. yes, i'm mad?? no, everything's ok? i just don't know.
the people from retrouvaille called for the telephone interview. it was really just one question and a couple of statements. i told them i wasn't sure where H stood on the M and they told me that they had already spoken w/ him and he was asked the exact same question and answered he was willing to work on the M. only time will tell i guess. i became teary at the end when they told me they were praying for us. it became very real and i felt oddly comforted that there were people who hadn't even met us who have given their time to help.
i'm thinking that H and i should drive there separately because if the weekend does not go well.. the last thing i will want is to be sitting in the car for a 40 min. drive w/ him. i'm really nervous.
on a side note.. i have started moving my furniture around. i've wanted to do this for a long time but was always waiting for H to do it since there are wires and heavy furniture involved.. i ended up buying those "as seen on tv" slider thingys. not bad.. the challenge of course is lifting the heavy furniture to put on the slider pads! my living room is a disaster and yet i feel very happy about the changes.
can't wait until the kids go to bed tonight! so i can tidy up!! plus they are driving me bonkers. lol
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Barely, that's a positive, right that he is willing to go? When is it? Also a tip for the wires. Wrap a piece of tape around wire and write on it. Maybe draw a picture of the backs of devices to show where that wire goes? Probably, just don't unplug till you chart it out??? I know this may sound not pc. but are there any guys (ok or girls) that can assist. I'm terrible at that kind of stuff. My h. is very tech so he always did it. Good luck.
the people from retrouvaille called for the telephone interview. it was really just one question and a couple of statements. i told them i wasn't sure where H stood on the M and they told me that they had already spoken w/ him and he was asked the exact same question and answered he was willing to work on the M. only time will tell i guess. i became teary at the end when they told me they were praying for us. it became very real and i felt oddly comforted that there were people who hadn't even met us who have given their time to help.
So... a couple of thoughts. First I think it is a positive that H told a 3rd party that he was willing to work on the M. Time will tell if he is serious.
Second, I agree that it is comforting to know that others care about you and your M. Use that energy to help you get through the tough times.
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i'm thinking that H and i should drive there separately because if the weekend does not go well.. the last thing i will want is to be sitting in the car for a 40 min. drive w/ him. i'm really nervous.
BF - the choice is obviously yours to make. RTRV is supposed to be a program where you and your H come together to learn how to communicate and connect with each other. IMO I think it would be helpful to share the ride. Especially the ride home where you may have an opportunity to debrief and maybe even try some of your new skills.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Speaking of hope B....if H is saying he is remorseful (saying he should throw things at himself, etc), and is saying he is willing to work on the M, then that's the most anyone could ask for...a fighting chance. Nothing on earth ever happened without that first step.
I can only imagine the amount of stress you would feel attempting this R this way. Please don't beat yourself about detachment while this Retrothing plays out. Go easy on yourself!
In many ways this is going to be a point where you're going to have to take a controlled risk letting your heart be open to a degree, or how else can you try to reconnect? If it works out really well then be ever so careful with yourself, but keep taking the baby steps. If it doesn't work out then it's awful but you are kind of dealing with that already. If somewhere in the middle then he's still risking the most important aspect of his time here on earth, and you could be open to seeing what the world offers you.
Everyone here is with you heart and soul through this. You're loved and not alone at all.
thank for all the support guys! puts things in perspective. it really is out of my hands what he does. i can only try to make the most of the weekend and see if things improve.
not much to report. working. tired. lol. i have been eating a lot of yogurt and fruit
H and i have txted here and there. a few pics of the kids.. nothing too exciting. i am basically laying low and trying to avoid conflict before retrouvaille.
i guess i'm nervous because it seems like things may be coming to an end. i just can't imagine H really changing his thinking over a weekend when he's been so adamantly on this course for almost 6 months. i just don't know.
i guess i'm also a little off these days because my sister and her H are wanting to set me up with people. my loved ones are already looking at the next step for me. and it's a daunting thing.. freaks me out actually!
but aside from all that.. i am doing good (i think lol). i have been thinking tha i may be ready to go back to see the IC. but i'm not sure yet. attempting to potty train.. kid's bday party this weekend.. maybe spend some time w/ my gfs.. but what will i do for myself? had the best hot bath last night! kids were at my mom's for the night and i had some time before i had to be at work. figured.. what the heck! bubbles and all... divine.
maybe i need to get a haircut. it's a mess.. will make me feel good. hmmmm.. just in time for retrouvaille?? is change in the air???
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
