Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Outside the Scope of This Report Part 3

"Ding Dong" comes to mind.

Maybe -- "Predator Prick" ?

I personally call OW "That Hillbilly from Arkansas". But I hate to be mean to hillbillies and or folks from Arkansas.

I actually still miss my friendship with OW. I was reading the Borderline Personality stuff. And that is what she is. And darn good at it! She certainly had me fooled.

And yes, who knows what lies she was told. My H has told me so many lies I just can't believe it. I feel he has treated her and me badly. If he really wanted out of out marriage I wish he would have had the integrity to say he was done.

Not keep me hanging for the past 14 years while he decided what to do. And I believe he has a bit of the Borderline Personality thing himself. On that one site the author says she doesn't hate BP folks, just the fact that they refuse to seek treatment!

My H wants to give me the cash from the sale of the house and he will keep his IRA's. I would get that all in writing, even if the D wasn't final. I will most likely take the boat, too. And he would get some cash.

As someone else brought up on another thread: The WAS has put a lot more thought into the money aspect that we can ever guess. Probably why they don't walk sooner.....

I was just measuring furniture and deciding what would fit in 1000 sf. Not much!

I have a funny feeling I have more stuff than I need. And H will be wanting more than he thinks when he figures out how much it will cost to ship OW's stuff back from Arkansas.

She is staying with her 1st H and his mother in their old house, which she still owns half of.... And telling everyone how her mean H dumped her for no reason.

OH WELL!

Seminole: I was having a bad morning. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw a pretty nice person. And it made me sad, because I haven't been seeing that person for awhile. So I turned on some music and danced while I picked up the amazing mess my granddaughters made for the hour they were here earlier! Keep that nice person around!

I have this funny thing that happens. I wake up in the morning, and am thinking about life, plans and stuff. Then I remember what is really going on and think BLAH. So this morning I just said, so what, live in the moment, don't worry about crap.

My grandkids got here while I was still in my PJ's. I love no-notice hospitality checks! So I got dressed and made my bed. My oldest granddaughter is so confused by me sleeping in the guest room. So she reasoned it out that I sleep in both beds. (I don't even try to explain, because I don't understand!)

Okay, back to work!

Much Aloha To You ALl!

Wendy

PS I have nothing against hillbillies, as I am decended from some from West Virgina.

How weird is that, staying with her ex? Wonder how your H feels about that?



Oh - please, please PLEASE talk to an attorney AND a tax advisor about this before you discuss it any further with your H.

There are a lot of ways this could affect you, good and band.

For instance:
You are entitled to 500K tax exemption on sale of your house as a couple, or 250K each individually. If the proceeds of the house are going to be more than 250k, and you sell AFTER the divorce, and the proceeds all go to you - you will owe taxes on the amount over 250k. If you sell BEFORE the divorce is finalized, and each take half (your half now being less than 250k), and he then hands over some cash to you as part of the divorce settlement - you don't owe any taxes.

Also - on trading house equity for IRAs - this may or may not be a good idea, depending on a lot of variables. If it allows you to buy a condo that is free and clear (no mortgage) at a time when property values are depressed - that may be a good thing, in that it will decrease the amount of money you need to live on in retirement.

On the other hand, if it only gives you enough for a down payment, and then you find in a couple of years you can't make the payments on your mortgage and lose you house to foreclosure - now you've got nuthin'.

OR - in past years, when the market was HIGH, I've seen women trade IRAs to keep the family home, and then seen their supposed "equity" evaporate as the market declined.

Also if they are Roth IRAs, he won't pay taxes on them when he takes them out - but you might pay taxes on equity in a home sold in the future.

Also - if you give up the IRAs, will your share in his pension be enough for you to retire on? If not, can you really afford to tie up your money in housing equity?

Just all things you should think about. Normally it would make more sense to rent and wait to see how your life shakes out before buying another place - but in this down market, there's a risk prices might rise and you could be priced out.

Also, remember he is going to have to pay you alimony. I don't see that in your calculations.

If it's possible, you may want to get that as a lump sum (say, he gives you $ out of the IRAs instead of making monthly payments). If it came in the form of ROTH IRA money, you would not owe taxes on it (versus you DO have to pay income tax on alimony checks). Also, frankly, alimony checks are a pain - you have to wonder if they'll arrive on time, you have to deal with a pissed off resentful ex who hates writing that check every month. If it is possible, a lump sum may be a better deal - especially, like I said, if it comes in the form of a ROTH IRA. (If he's money savvy he won't want that, though - because HE can deduct alimony payments on his taxes. Still, if you can get him to agree while he's still in the mood to leave everything behind, he might agree).

As you can see, the financial stuff is tricky, and how you handle certain things can make a big difference in your quality of life after a divorce (who's going to pay your health insurance? Legal fees?)

BTW - www.wife.org has some good info related to finances and divorce. And no, I'm not an accountant (just the daughter of two CPAs) so don't take my word on the tax stuff - just trying to illustrate some potential pitfalls. Paying a little for financial advice now can save you a bundle later.

And don't assume your divorce attorney knows all this stuff. They're not accountants. They may be able to refer you to a financial planner who has the right background to advise you, though.

I am lucky (?) in that he is retired military. And we were married before he went in, so were married his whole 25 years in. So I get health insurance and half of his retirement, paid by allotment. But yes, he would have to pay the other, and I bet he would have a hard time with that.

He isn't money savey, despite having a degree in Economics and handling freakin' billions of dollars for the government......

OW living with her 1st XH is funny. The whole time I knew her she was in constant contact with him. At least 2 phone calls and MANY texts daily.

She went and spent 2 months there every summer since her fisrt D 12 years ago and supposidly he moves out of the house for those two months. Funny because he was there cooking her dinner when she and I spoke on the phone while she was still pretending to be my friend.

What does my H think? I don't actually think his brain is involved in this at all.... Because if he were thinking this would have come to a screeching halt about a year ago.....

I will check out that site!

Hey there, WT, just catching up with your sitch. I haven't been on the board for awhile. I think I'm going to have to go to that site as well. Although, I think things are somewhat different in Canada. I would like to know whether we should sell our house before our D, or wait. I still have 2 years (as does D19) until I graduate, so I would be happy to stay in the house until then.

I also like to put music on and just dance with myself. It gets me into a good mood. Not that I'm ever in a bad mood per se, just hitting walls with the writing, and my courses. I find I spend a huge amount of time at my desk, and just need to move around.

I like that you are leaving your H to clean his own mess, and eat by himself. You don't owe him anything at this point. A H who can betray you, and can't decide what the he*k he wants doesn't deserve anymore than the absolute minimum, in my opinion. And, maybe he needs the space, as do you.

Take care, ciao for now.

Wendy, it looks like OW likes to collect men, and can't let go once she has them on a string!

You are an amazing woman, and your H is one heck of a confused guy. You are handling everything the right way!

[quote=WenikiTiki]


She is staying with her 1st H and his mother in their old house, which she still owns half of.... And telling everyone how her mean H dumped her for no reason.


This makes me wonder if OW isn't going through serious replay back to her 1st H. Stay tuned to as the world turns.......